Today’s Monday Melee is brought to you by the Letters A, K, and the number 47…

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     What the Hell snaps in peoples’ heads and makes them go on a rampage and start shooting people?  Certainly, I can imagine having one person tick you off so badly that you’ll seriously consider it.  But how do you get from that point to shooting more than fifty people on a college campus?
     That’s hardcore.

     And there are many, many more where he came from… people who have absolutely no value or respect for human life.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     Earlier today, a couple of Mormons saw me pull into my driveway and came knocking on my door.  When I answered, they wanted to tell me all their story, despite my having told them, “I’m busy working.”
     It’s sort of amusing, really, when you consider that the basis of their religion relies heavily of the word of an angry teenager who was exiled from his Utah township.  Eventually, when hunger and the elements took their toll on him, he returned home with an elaborate hoax and was celebrated as a Saint.
     Seeing these two kids walking around, out of school and without jobs, certainly makes it seem that maybe, just maybe, that old tradition is alive and well…

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I am currently unhappy that I cannot find a pair of shoes anywhere near as nice as the ones I’m wearing right now.  They’re old.  They stink.  They’re falling apart inside.  But I can’t let them go until I find a suitable replacement.
     These were built extremely well, dress-style in Italian leather, with a boot-style sole that makes them equally comfortable as casual shoes.  They’re the type of go anywhere, do anything, all-purpose, sensible shoes which look just as good with a tailored suit as they do with a t-shirt and jeans.
     And do you think I can find anything close to that for less than $400?  Oh, HELL no.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     I read a few of Diva’s blogs last week, and was pretty impressed with a few of them.  I gave her the opportunity to jump in here, and she’s hit the ground running with some pretty good material.
     Kudos, Diva.  Good job!

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     Last week was tough, with the two court cases.  I was willing to negotiate in the first one to a large degree, but as they were unwilling, I still came out with exactly what I asked — and without having to bend over backwards.
     The second case was very difficult emotionally, and I got through it anyway — also in my favor.  I can’t take all of the credit, as I’ve surrounded myself with some pretty damn good people, as well.  They’ve propped me up when I’ve needed it.

     To the end, I attempted to make a lot of concessions and be reasonable with my family, which amazes me when I consider the Hell they were putting me through.  I tried to do the right thing, and was more than fair.
     At the same time, some of that probably has something to do with the fact I hang around with people who expect me to be that way.  I’m damn glad I’ve made the choice to hang around with them.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     I wish I had written this earlier today…

Now it’s your turn.

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When I pulled into the West High School parking lot to let my daughter out this morning, there was a wrecked car in front of  the door as a display for the cops’ D.A.R.E. presentation or something. To emphasize their point, the police had thoughfully filled the wrecked car with beer and cigarettes. Full cans of beer and new packs of smokes. Which, of course, were promptly stolen. Hopefully the kids were sober by the time they drove home from school that day…

     It’s no small surprise that I eat a lot of fast food.  I wake up at 5AM, start working and pretty well don’t quit until some time in the evening.  McDonald’s for breakfast, maybe Wendy’s for lunch and anywhere for dinner.  But in all of that, I don’t get napkins unless I ask for them, the usual reply being a sulky, eye-rolling, “Here!”  Most of the time, I don’t notice until I’m already back on the Interstate.

     It’s seriously impossible to eat a Wendy’s triple with cheese without napkins, unless you’re one of those weirdos who enjoys being covered in grease.  It takes at least four napkins.  McChicken?  One napkin.  Double Whopper?  Two napkins.  Arby’s Beef & Cheddar?  One.  Add barbecue and Horsey Sauce?  Three.
     But do they put any in the damn bag?  Not in 2007.

     It changed fast, too.  Right on up to New Years Eve, there was no shortage of Napkins.  I’d have thirty or forty in every bag.  But sharply on January first, that sort of excess stopped.

     The Napkin Shortage has been stressful not only for food-covered consumers, but for the drive-up workers themselves.  One incident of a worker’s traumatic stress, at Wendy’s on Emory Road, particularly stands out.
     “Can I get some napkins, please?” I asked.
     The girl rolled her eyes, huffed and slammed the window shut.
     Eventually the Manager came to the window.  “Is there a problem with your order, sir?”
     “I’d just like some napkins, please.”
     “Can you please pull up, sir?”
     “Why?  I’d just like some napkins, please.”
     “Ok, well, if you’ll pull up, someone will bring you some.”
     Pull up … For napkins?
     It apparently took several minutes to locate a napkin.  When the girl finally came out — nearly ten minutes later — she brought one napkin.
     “Uhhhh, sorry, but I need at least two, please,” I said.
     She huffed, rolled her eyes, and stormed back inside, never to return.

     The most common Moonbat Conspiracy Theory dictates that this Napkin shortage was caused due to McDonald’s bringing back the McRib, causing a tenfold increase in the use of fast food napkins.  They claim that this move was a way to crush the competition by consuming all of the napkins meant for use at other fast food chains, so that McDonald’s would be the only place to have any.  However, this Theory is easily discredited due to the facts that other fast food chains have different colored napkins, and McDonald’s themselves are affected by this blight as well.
     Other conspiracies abound, some more radical than others.  Typically, President George W. Bush gets blamed for this shortage by liberals.  The Knights of Ku Klux Klan blame illegal immigrants.  And, of course, the Neo-Nazi Skinheads blame the Jews.

     As consumers, however, the best thing that we can do is remain vigilant in the face of this adversity, and hope that shortage will end soon.

     Seriously… From her blog… 

Please, it’s good advice…

Pies are meant for eating. Like with ice cream or cheese, on a plate, with a fork.

     Myself, I’m too pissed off to be funny lately.  Glad someone’s making me laugh.