[... silence ...]

     (makes a prayer)

     [... silence ...]

     Me: “Why does this keep happening?  Work my ass off for a client, don’t get paid, and suddenly it’s all twisted into me being the bad guy…”
     Voice: Desperation… so strong a need that you impair your own judgement and do business with people you know are going to take advantage.
     Me: “Need clouds judgement… ”
     Voice: …so you must stop making choices based on desperate need and begin establishing beneficial, long-term connections…
     Me: “Get out of survival mode…”
     Voice: …and stop trusting out of necessity rather than trusting logically.
     Me: “But they’re still asshats…”
     Voice: Then stop dealing with asshats.

     Me: “Duplicitous… Four months ago you told me not to let my head rule my heart.”
     Voice: That was different.
     Me: “Why?”
     Voice: You should never talk yourself out of faith in the things that make you happy.
     Me: “And if I don’t, and I’m still unhappy?”
     Voice: Are you?
     Me: “It fell down again…”
     Voice: Then you should ask yourself much you helped it along.
     Me: “Every second of every day.”
     Voice: You didn’t learn the first time, did you?
     Me: “Learn what?”
     Voice: Happiness should never be questioned.  Accept it, and it’s yours.

     Me: “How can anyone say they love someone and tell that person that they’ll go away if they don’t do exactly what they want?”
     Voice: “That’s not love… it’s control.”
     Me: “How are we supposed to deal with that from other people that we love?”
     Voice: “If they only want to control, the best thing to do is turn your back for a while and give them control of their own lives… if they truly love, they’ll be back.”
     Me: “Kinda like letting children grow up…”
     Voice: “Exactly…”

     Me: “I can’t ask her to move away from everything she knows…”
     Voice: “Two hours is a short drive. especially when you meet in the middle.“

     Me: “What if it all falls down again?”
     Voice: “Don’t let you head rule your heart.  Follow your instincts.“

     Me: “I’m stressed… I can’t think when I’m stressed.”
     Voice: See the light at the end of the tunnel?
     Me: “Yes… Good, it’s almost over…”
     Voice: Steady your course, slowly.  It could be an oncoming train.
     Me: “And this helps me how?  I told you I’m stressed…”
     Voice: Slow down…

     Voice: If you’re always looking at what’s behind you, how will you ever see where you’re going?  Here’s to shrugging off the old and embracing the new without worry, fear or regret.  Change is change … it’s what you make of it that matters.

     Me: ”That could’ve turned out better.”

     Voice: “So could everything.”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “I need something…”

     Voice: “Grab it.”

     Me: “I can’t…”

     Voice: “Then you don’t need it.”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “They keep trying to force a situation…”

     Voice: “Let it ride…”

     Me: “I can’t.”

     Voice: “Then they won.”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “Damn, what am I supposed to do now?”

     Voice: “What do you want to do?”

     Me: “Talk…”

     Voice: “Has that been working?”

     Me: “No…”

     Voice: “…”

     Me: “I listened, too.”

     Voice: “…”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “I just keep getting in over my head…”

     Voice: “Remember how to swim?”

     Me:  Hmmm… This is a great plan, but how do I…

     Voice:  Start by not questioning.  Finish by doing it.

     Seriously, I wanna take this fucking thing and shoot it.

     Voice: “You know what you did?”
     Me: “I quit.”
     Voice: “Why?”
     “I needed to.”
     “Do you?”
     “…”
     “Do you?”
     “Yeah.”
     “Do you?”
     “Fuck off.”
     “No.”