Every time your web browser sends a request to a webserver (an HTTPD), the browser returns a code, along with some content.
     Does everyone remember all of the HTTPD Codes?  I’m a dork, so I do…

     So Amanda from Fashionista TV was visiting today, and in browsing her site, I ran across her blog post about HTTPanties for sale from ThinkGeek…

     Given the above list, I can find plenty of more clever variations.  These messages could be extremely helpful prior to coredumping your RAM…. Really, you never want to have an infected Hard Drive, do you?

     How about “412 Precondition Failed” and “503 Service Unavailable” for the frigid?

     Perhaps sex workers could put “402 Payment Required” to good use.

     “303 See Other” for swinging married women who get around.

     “407 Proxy Authentication Required” is a shoe-in for bisexuals, and “409 Conflicting Request” works great if they’re still a bit confused…

     Lesbian consumers also have a number of options, but the best has to be “415 Unsupported Media Type.”

     Of course, “502 Bad Gateway” across the ass is usually a given… But ”300 Multiple Choices” would work well for hermaphrodites, porn stars, and the exceptionally kinky…

     And I can certainly think of a few women who should be wearing “500 Internal Error” …

Tip: Amanda at FasionistaTV

In the 6th century, Pope Gregory the Great named the seven deadly as follows: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Vengeance, Envy, and Pride. 

Lust, as defined at Dictionary.com, is an intense sexual desire or appetite, or an uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or craving. 

I’m human.   I am admittedly full of lustful thoughts.  I can’t help it.  God made me a catty creature. If I see somebody totally hot, male or female, I automatically think about how hot they are and become somewhat fervent. 

Adultery? Cheating?  Same thing… all of it, lumped into lust.

I’m not saying I’d go out and have an affair or wicked one-night-stand with any hottie individual that came my way, no, at least not any more.  What I am saying is that due to unsatisfying situations in my past, I have indulged in certain extra-curricular activities and enjoyed them immensely. 

As a human creature, one has desires that might not be quenched without lust coming into play.  Simply spelled out, if you’re not getting what you want and need at home, you’re going to go out and find it. 

People can deny their corrupt human nature all they want.  But it’s there inside all of us.  It just depends on if one has the overwhelming urge to act on it. 

Look at our politicians.  Look at our Holy leaders.  They all claim to be best friends with Jesus, then turn around and condemn one another shaking hands with the devil.  As it turns out they are all just as guilty as the other.  Come on, kids. 

Brother Newt Fast Willie and Monica did the deed.  (Well kind of).  Jimmy Swaggart was banging a prostitute while he condemned Jim Baker, who was having an affair behind his wife’s back.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to embrace my human nature for what it is. 

Monday Melee

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

I hate the fact that there are so many awful people out there that would wait until their wife/girlfriend/lover is about to burst at the seams with impending child birth and kill them.  I mean, come on.  If a man is cheating, or doesn’t want a baby, or whatever… WALK OUT ASSHOLE!  Don’t kill her because you are a bottom-feeding freak of nature. 

Don’t prey on someone who is in too vunerable a condition to be able to appropriately fight back.  She (and her baby) has a right to live.

Pure evil.

And, as usual, drama queens and attention whores will forever be something I just loathe.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

I have only one in mind, and I’m not so sure it would be a good thing.  So, since I can’t say something nice today, I’ll keep my yap shut.  ZZZZZip.

I will expose myself though.  I am a complete fake.  I am not the sweet, kind, loving, caring, angelic individual that you all know and love.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

I’m unhappy that I am simply not a morning person.  I would go so far as to say I’m anti-morning.  I manage to drag myself out of bed just in time to have a shower, pour some coffee down my throat and drive to work with my head hanging out the window in order to get that wicked windblown look. So, I am unhappy that I can’t appreciate a new day any earlier than 5:00pm.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

Today I give my fiancee complete and total credit for putting up with my constant string of shit.  I generally give him a run for his money.  But, lately I’ve been extremely emotional (imagine that) and have been taking him on the rollercoaster ride of the century.  Lately I’ve been worse than a spoiled 5 year old.  He over looks my sarcasm most of the time and doesn’t take it totally personal.  Go Tony.  You’re one hell of a man, man.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I think it’s good that I can admit being a total ass-munch.  See #4.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

This week to hurry and be over.  We go on vacation next week.  So, all the good stuff I wished for on last week’s Melee may just come true. 

At least the cold beer and sex part.

Go Diva, Go Diva, Go Diva

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

Ok.  If I’m nothing else, I’m completely honest and tend to let all my inhibitions fall to the ditch with my pals in our little blogging world.   Since only a few of you know me on a totally personal level, and have never seen my face, and could most likely not pick me out in a line-up… I don’t mind sharing my innermost thoughts with you… even if they are sometimes a little off. 

So, we were at Catscratch Jane’s, and Scotty reminded me that I was going on about how much of a hottie Toby Keith is.  Yes, it’s true.  I’d sop that boy up with a biscuit.

In the midst of a discussion about blogging a “Hottie of the Day” about Toby Keith, I (without thinking, of course) blurt out that, “I have had so many wet dreams about Toby Keith, I can not possibly do it justice”…

So…  I will not attempt to discuss why Toby is such a hottie, but will continue seeing him “Dream walkin and Pillow talkin”. 

I will recess now to the confines of my cold shower.

Peace.  Out.

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

 I hate that there are some people in this life that take everything that happens to them seriously.  I guess you’d call them drama queens/kings.   These are the people that must have everything revolve around them.  These are the people who keep the shit stirred.  And if they don’t have their own shit stirring, they go and stir some for someone else… just to keep something going at all times. 

People like this need to be bitch-slapped.  Real problems are drama.  Not the fact that your lay of the day, whom you’ve found on an internet dating site, is seeing no less than 4 other people at the same time as you.  This is not drama.  This is poor judgement.

Real life drama is loosing a child.  Real life drama is wondering how you’re gonna pay the rent.  Real life drama is your car breaking down and having no money to fix it.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

Paris Hilton.  I know it seems like I’m obsessing over her lately.  Maybe I am because I’m bored and have no real life of my own.  Regardless of that, the skank is totally a fake.  Just because she’s locked up in a cage, she’s claiming to have found Jesus.  She told Babs Walters that she’s been reading the Bible and other and a sorted variety of other religion-inspired books. 

First, I’m not so sure that after only 4 days in jail that the girl had time to read AND ABSORB enough information out of the inspired books.  Look, it takes biblical scholars years and years of reading and studying to make heads and/or tails of the Bible.  And she wants to convince all of us common folk that she’s really getting into it and learning something. 

B- Anybody who watches E! News (or Fox or CNN for that matter) has heard about the humongus “Paris is getting out of jail” bash that’s being planned.  Do you think that she’s gonna read enough about Jesus and righteous living that she’s not gonna turn up a bottle and get ripped?   Me either. 

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

I’m extremely unhappy that I went outside on a scorching hot Sunday afternoon to wash my car.  I did a bang up job too.  I even cleaned the wheels with that crap that can eat the skin off of your hands.   It looked super great!

I went in the house to get a glass of ice water.  When I came back outside 10 minutes later a bird had already shit on the trunk.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

I give my kids credit today.  After all that he put them through while they were growing up, they still try to treat their dad with some sort of love and respect.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I am coming out of “sloth” mode and getting motivated to do something and be somebody again.  Which actually feels really, really good.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

I think I’ll wish for sex this week.  Sex and days off from work.  Sex, days off from work and a new car.  Sex, days off from work, a new car and to win the lottery. 

Sex, days off from work, a new car, to win the lottery, and lots of beer.  Yah, that would make today alot of fun.  Sex, on my extra day off, in my new car that I got with my winnings from the lottery which was sponsered by a beer company.

Yah, that’s it.

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

Nouns. Nouns and adjectives. Nouns, adjectives and gerunds. And dangling participles. Dangling participles really piss me off. C’mon man, f*ck, dude and buddy. Don’t make me break out the thesaurus just to get my point across?
Mwahahahahahahaha! Luv me sum Zacque.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

Nathan Fillian, (Malcolm Reynolds, beloved Captain of Serenity) does NOT wear underwear under his kilt, and I’ll have words with anyone who disputes this self-evident fact.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

My psycho-kitty is shedding EVERYWHERE! Couldn’t I just vacuum her coat… just once? Please? … and maybe a little tumble in the dryer?

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

All Hail to Divalicious! Keep me rolling, Mama.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I dunno about good, but it’s honest and accurate. I am a well-spring of unsolicited advice. NE1 gotta cork?

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

I wish for what everyone wishes for. Love, Mark to get Sex, Money, Mark to get Sex, Fun, Mark to get Sex and a RETURN of really cool prizes at the bottom the Cracker Jacks (you young’uns weren’t around yet when they were really cool prizes, like tiny cap guns and weeny whistles) And we all wish for Mark to get Sex… Zeesh

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

Yes, I too succumb to peer-pressure.  I’ve thought about doing this since Mark started doing it.  (A very trendy guy he seems to have become.)  I finally have overcome the strong urge not post this at all or wait until Tuesday just to go against the grain.  I now will attempt to woo you with my version, (drum roll please,) of my very own:

Monday Melee

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

Misuse or overuse of words: like, f*ck, dude, man, buddy and many left unmentioned.  When can we go back to using the words correctly?  Why must we always use euphemistic language to soften the blow?  I say you may not like it but at least you can get the point across.  Besides, life is just too short for that kind of crap.

*close second: OLD NEWS

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

Beer commercials…  They can’t all be the greatest beer in the world.  There is only room for one beer to have the title.  Unfortunately, I personally don’t think it exists…  I know how I would be if I were a brewer, I’d drink it!!!  This friends, this very occurrence is quite possibly, what may have happened.  A perfect beer probably was created and the brewers got drunk and forgot how to do make it.  To mangle a Tenacious D line, none of this is the greatest beer in the world…  It is just a tribute.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

My pants…  I can’t them on or off fast enough and they never stay up when I want them to.  (I don’t want to be an ass to the entire world, nor show it to them either.)

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

Hats off to the woman who convinced me to move to this strange city…  Unfortunately, I still find it very strange and unfortunately unfamiliar.  Nevertheless, I think I like it.  Maybe if it were covered in chocolate or genitalia it would be more enticing.  Maybe I could convince some of my friends would come and visit too…

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

My insatiable ability to find new ways to amuse myself…  (No Mark and Diva, I already knew why God gave me two hands.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

Must I really?  Okay…  Love, Sex, Money, Carie, Steady Work, Sex, Happiness (the spelling needs to change to Happenis, because I’ve never been around anyone for long who wasn’t happy a penis was involved), Sex, Food, Love, Love that comes with food, Carie, my friends to be happy even in my abstinence (oops I meant absence…)

Thus is the conclusion of my Monday Melee.  You too can join in the fun by visiting The Monday Melee page and completing the steps.  Kick-start your brains on Mondays, meet other bloggers, and by George have a darn good time too.

      “I get up, and nothing gets me down… You got it tough?  I’ve seen the toughest around… I and know, baby, just how you feel… You’ve got to roll with the punches to get to what’s real…”

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     Most people love to watch train wrecks — you know, those situations that are going to Hell in a handbasket fast?  They enjoy seeing others fail.  That’s a pretty pathetic outlook in my book. 

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     That hyper-annoying “Mullah Cimoc“ guy is actually some ‘tard in Utah.  That’s why he got an Asshat of the Day award.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I have a *lot* of work to do tomorrow — errr, today, rather — and I’m not looking forward to it.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     A couple of weeks ago, LissaKay mentioned she had a tatoo.  I figured out where it was last night.  Good job, Lissa!  ROFLMAO

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     It’s funny.  People come to me expecting me to give them the answers to Life, the Universe and Everything.  They ask for advice on so many subjects, because they know I’ll listen.  The funny thing is, I very, very rarely give advice — I mean, I can count the number of times on one hand.  There’s an art to asking questions that make people think about the things in a productive manner… and some days, I’m pretty skilled with it.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     I wish for what everyone wishes for.  Love, Sex, Money, Sex, Fun, Sex and a really cool prize at the bottom the Cracker Jacks.   And Sex.

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

My friend Jane has been having serious relationship issues lately. Almost to the point that her head is turning all the way around like that possessed chick in The Exorcist.

After much thought (and actual research) on why relationships fail, I’ve come to the conclusion that the sister just needs to settle down, grow up and learn to deal with real life problems as they come at her.

Jane spent several days in a highly agitated state. Being around her as much as I am, I started to be concerned that something might be wrong in her relationship with the fella she’s supposed to marry soon. So, being a good friend, I asked.

She started explaining that for the most part, her relationship with Pete was awesome. They have alot in common (love of music, riding around with no real destination, talking about silly stuff, family values… you get the picture). She then went on to tell me that even though she knows he loves her and he does so much to show it by spoiling her rotten and giving her everything she could want, that there is something really important missing. Intimacy.

At first it appeared that she was troubled by the decrease in or lack of sex in their relationship. But after listening to her and thinking about what she had been saying, it was clear to me that it was more than her being horny and him ignoring it. There was something more to it.

In a relationship, there has to be a balance in every aspect of the relationship otherwise the whole world may seem like its coming to an end. Everything just has to be n’sync.

The emotional needs of both partners must be met by showing compassion and allowing the other to see into the heart of the partner.

The social needs of both partners must be met by doing things together. Whether taking a road trip, going out with friends or sitting on the front porch having social hour.

The intellectual needs must be met by discussions that run deep. As long as the two can discuss THEIR personal views together it doesn’t matter what the discussion is about. Communication is key in keeping each other interested.

Now, all of the above needs were being met for Jane. But the one need that threw the balance in Jane’s world out of sync was closing in for a kill in the relationship. So, she was naturally falling apart at the seams trying to figure out what to do. She couldn’t figure out why Pete was pushing her away when it came to her physical (sexual) needs.

I asked her if it was just lack of sex. As it turns out she just needs that intimate closeness. The hand on her leg when they are in the car. Getting naked and snuggling close with his arms wrapped around her, without the expectation of sex.

My suggestion to Jane was… talk about it. Make sure you both know what the problem(s) is/are. Many times there is a reason for said problem. Sometimes it takes some tears. Sometimes we have to say what we feel, even if it hurts.

Fact is, it takes work to maintain a relationship. It takes attention to detail in every aspect of that relationship to keep it going strong. If you can’t talk about what might be bothering you and you can’t talk it out, there might just be a bigger problem.

As for my friend Jane, she went to Pete and made sure that the lines of communication were wide open.  Hopefully, they can talk about whatever they have going on and get things on track.

NASHVILLE, TN (Via the Web) - Nashville Investigators and Lawmakers who are using video from the website of porn star Barbie Cummings in order to file charges against Tennessee Highway Patrol Officer Moss are now being surreptitiously released from employment for browsing porn sites from a State Government-funded network.

The former employees are filing wrongful termination suits based on the fact that they were only doing their jobs in investigating the antics of Officer Moss.  However, the fact that they “somehow” knew where to find the video implicating the officer places “cart before horse” doubt on their litigation.

When asked about the merits of the former employees cases, State Defense Attorney, I. P. Freely responded, “Was it the chicken or the egg who came first?”

Attorney for the plaintiffs, I. M. Stoned, quickly retorted, “That’s totally irrelevant!  It was CLEARLY Officer Moss who came first!”

Also in the works, Governor Bredesen’s personal admin assistant, Anita Goodlay, and an additional female staff member known only “the one with the big tits,” have filed Sexual Harrassment charges against the Governor after being wrongfully terminated for refusing to, “Come here and check this out!”