I got this cool RAZR v3xx recently. I can plug it right into a USB port on my computer. It tells me in the manual that if I get a memory card, I can transfer video, music and pics onto the phone from my computer. So I got a 1 Gig microSD for $20.

I plugged it in and sure enough, I can browse over to the phone. Yippee! I dropped a couple of tunes over there and a few pics and I am rockin. I’m gonna have a unique tune for all my friends and their pictures.

But, the phone says all the pictures are corrupted and the songs hosed.

I tried logical things like searching the Motorola support site. Did their thing. No good. Tried to exactly match images to the size and dpi of the pictures I took with the phone camera. Nope. Jpeg or gif. Nope. Downloaded a number of free software trials. Nope, nope, nope.

You see, you can indeed put files on your RAZR’s memory card from your computer, the manual does not lie. However, if you want to view those pictures or listen to those tunes with your phone, sorry man.

They want you to download your songs and ringtones for a price. They want you to email the pictures or send them some other wireless way they can charge you for. A nice slow draining.

I am begining to see cellphones as the biggest scam ever perpetrated on humanity. From sites that offer ringtone downloads, but first make you put in your number to back-handedly sign you up for a monthly fee to be added to your bill; to phones that start talking to other phones at will to send them songs and, hey, there is a small fee for the transfer, or, you can get the Googly-Moogly Bandwidth package that lets you send lots of crap from your phone each month for just $19.99 monthly! They went ahead and put this into my new contract without telling me. Thanks dude! And don’t forget the carefully placed extra buttons right next to the dial and hang-up buttons that immediately take you to the Internet and start the slow drip, drip, drip of your money… Oops!

I am a pretty smart guy and technically savvy, and this is clearly not a simple work around. The answer is out there, and I will find it. It’ll probably cost me of course. And if you want me to tell you how to get files from your computer to your RAZR, well, that’ll cost you. I want my cut of the action. Unfortunately, my feeding off of you does not make me young forever, but my kewl ass phone does… as long as I feed the beast…

I needed a new phone and my provider said I could sign a new contract and get a huge savings. I like my Motorola and got one of THOS RAZR PHONS. An MP3 playing device with no headphones. Sure. Makes sense to me. I love music with no bass…

 I am not all up in my phones business. I just require a calendar, alarm clock, phone, you know, the basics. The one bling I gots to havs is mah ringtone. Um, well, it’s the sound of a real Southern Bell Princess rotary from 1978. That’s a sound that will cut through the din of 12 people at Cancun’s drinkin’ $1.99 Margaritas and smoking like Lil Kim never will, beeyatch!

So I went to the iTubernet to find My Precious. Wow. Things have changed in the years since my last phone needed The Tone. The top 10-20 sites that came up on Google don’t sell you ringtones, they are scam sites. They want you to put in your mobile number and they send you a text message. In the small print they tell you that doing so signs you up for a subscription and probably hits you with some one time charge. Yikes!

Apparently selling ringtones is not the way to make money. Scamming idiots into subscriptions is. So, I am here to warn you. Actually, to get you to tell your kids about it. Do not use these damnable sites. Do not enter your mobile number.

My Precious still eludes me. I found the right sound, but the length of the ring and spacing between the rings is all wrong. Defintely not a SB Princess ‘78. If you have a map to My Precious, I’d love to have it. And if you know how to hack my RAZR so I can load it up with free ripped tunez, please show.