You certainly can’t make anyone happy, but you can try and be there when they need you.  Depending on how much you care about them, you may even do it when it’s detrimental to yourself.  At some point, people around you may tell you how unhealthy that is.
     But the bigger sin to me is to ignore their pleas for help, to come to a point where you have no intention of trying when you’ve made your vows to a person, for better or for worse, in sickness and health.

     Extraordinary things can happen…

     Yet sometimes, it might take every iota of Faith that you have.

     And just when you feel like you’re out, you find a little more…

     The last two weeks have been trying and terrifying.

     I’ve realized something, too.  The Wildcat and I hate drama so much that we’ll ignore it until everything falls down into a catastrophic event.  At that point, we both panic.  Everything becomes a thousand times worse.

     For my part, I’ve been in panic mode for a week and a half.  But Saturday night, when she called and asked for help, I immediately snapped out of it.  There was no question what had to be done.  The only thing that mattered to me was that she was safe, and I was gonna make damn sure of that, regardless of threats or obstacles.

     I held her all day and night, and I wish that we’d had more time together.

     A few months ago, we had a dream together.  It was a dream where the last twenty-three years had never happened.  Instead, we’d met, we’d fallen in love and we’d had three wonderful kids, and finally ended up exactly where we were that night.  It was powerful, and it’s something I’ve held onto.
     Spending more and more time with those three, I realized that I do claim them as my own, and nobody who knows us would doubt it for a second.  I love them.  And I love my Wildcat for finally giving me the family that I’ve never had.

     Anyone who thinks that I am not committed 150% to my family is a fool.

     Anyone who doubts that I don’t love them more than anything in the world is a damn fool.

     Again, I ask for prayers.  And this time, I ask for all of us.

     There are a lot of problems in my life right now.  I am, at present, unable to go to work, to my home, to be around the people who I truly care about.
     That last one, that’s the crux.

     I don’t want people to pray for me.  There are more important things in this life than me.  Besides, for my part, I have some support.

     For a while now, my Wildcat has been hurting.  Many years of hurt, from what I know.  I love this woman, and the family she has given me, more than anything in this world.  I’d love to hold her, pull her close, stroke her hair and tell her it’s all going to be okay — like I always do.  I would do anything in my power, give anything that I was able, to help her.
     But it’s beyond my help now.

     And I will keep wearing this ring.

     Now, it is time to leave it in God’s hands.

     I want everyone who reads this to pray her.

     Pray that she’s okay.

     Please.

     I’ve gotten some sporadic e-mails and messages wondering where I’ve been the last couple of weeks.  I’m simply not telling.  The fact is, I needed a change from ridiculous work hours, and really needed to shrug off a lot of the responsibility that’s been bearing down on me.
     Now, there’s no more dealing with bad checks, fraudulent credit cards, delinquent accounts, support phone calls from customers who can’t figure out time zones or other day-to-day craziness of trying to run a business.  The day-to-day harrassment and stress is gone.  Things that weren’t working out are beginning to turn around.  I’ve completed my first week of work, and found that I actually have time for things again.

     Being able to enjoy time away from work and BS and drama is a good thing.  Being able to spend more time with the Wildcat is an even better thing.

     I took a Systems Analyst job at a small-town hospital with several, small satellite clinics.  What I get to do is learn the software that they’re using for digital record keeping in order to help them maximize the use of it so that they know pretty much everything they need to know from start to finish — from health records, to insurance, privacy, billing and revenue.  The objective is to be able to see the business processes through from start to finish, document everything, train everyone up to the same level and have a nice, neat collaborative platform that can be used in conjunction with patient records.

     It’s good for the patients:  they’re able to receive better care, having their full histories in a central location instead of having such disparate dissemination of information, and having a simple way to schedule, refer and assist in their diagnoses.  It also gives them a lot more choice about where they receive their care, as they don’t have to start out blind with a new Doctor.
     It’s good for healthcare providers: they’re able to get a better, overall view of a patient’s health, what’s been tried, what’s working, what isn’t and what kind of maintenance and service their patients are getting.  They can see trends with patients and better prepare for epidemics thanks to having data over time.
     It’s good for the staff: they’re able to better assist patients with scheduling and insurance issues, move them from the waiting rooms to the healthcare providers more quickly and get general overviews to assist them in making decisions about how to best care for the patients.
     And, lastly, it’s good for the administration.  They’re able to get a better overview of what’s going on inside their organization, how to budget based on usage and volume, and the best ways to handle new, Government-imposed rules.  They’re also able to get real and useful data about profits and losses at their locations and assist them in improving the quality of service.

     At least, that’s how it will be, once I get a lot of work finished. 

     Despite being a small healthcare system in several small towns, there are as many providers and staff as some of the “large” hospitals, and certainly no shortage of ailing patients.  There’s a reasonably high learning curve to what has proven to be some pretty quirky software, and there seems to be a lot of connectivity issues between locations.
     Oh, and did I mention that I’ve never used this software before?

     Some people might consider it a daunting task.

     For me, it’s exactly what I enjoy doing.  I get to go into a business, learn its processes from top to bottom, liberally apply technology, train everyone how to utilize that technology to the best of its ability and end up with a lot more speed, efficiency and, ultimately, accountability.  You’re able to see where things are falling down, improve processes, and eventually end up being able to provide customers with better service.

     The thing is, as much as I’ve complained about healthcare providers over the last few years, now I’m inside a system where I can do something for the greater good.  I can’t knock the place where I am, because despite being a small system, they do their communities a great service.  They’re an incredible public benefactor, which is one of the reasons I’ve been so impressed with them.

     I also see this as a very real chance to improve the quality of care that patients receive.  If I do a good enough job, perhaps it can be used as a template for larger healthcare systems where patients are treated as numbers instead of names, where profit takes precedence over patient care.
     I’m sure everyone in Knoxville knows exactly where I’m talking about…

     As for the organization, there are many more things that have impressed me.  People are friendly and talkative, they legitimately enjoy their jobs, they offer suggestions instead of incessantly complaining, and they care about what they’re doing. 
     The IT staff are equally impressive.  It’s the first time I’ve gone into a company and not seen an arrogance level that dwarfs their ability.  In fact, these guys actually want to learn, ask questions and try to solve problems.

     The last thing that really stood out happened yesterday morning.  At 8:30AM, when time allowed, there was a completely voluntary meeting.  Out came the Prayer Book.  It was filled with names of friends, family and patients to pray for.  The deceased weren’t marked out — no, they were highlighted in green.
     My two-year-old neice is in the hospital on a respirator.  I don’t know what’s wrong with her, what hospital she’s at, or even how to get hold of anyone to ask because the phone messages I get are more damning than informative, and completely devoid of any contact information where I might be able to figure anything else out.  I know that it’s out of my hands, so, I added her to the Prayer Book.
     We held hands in a circle, were led in prayer with a song and our requests, and made a few silent ones of my own.
     Burdens off, we went back to work.

     That felt good.

     All in all, I needed the change.  I’ve felt trapped and claustrophobic for the last couple of years, and suddenly been offered a great opportunity which I’ve grabbed by the horns.  I enjoy my work again.  I’m enjoying meeting more people, talking to people, and doing what I do.

     To top it all, my Wildcat’s lying three feet away from me, fast asleep, a gentle smile upon her face.  I thank God for this woman every day.

     For the first time in a while, I’m unequivocally happy.

     In the middle of my meltdown, Jewel (one of our esteemed Monday Meleeists) called to let me know that her mother is in the hospital and on life support.  No information as of yet, but I ask that people keep her in their thoughts.

     I was so dreading Christmas this year, until a few things happened that really gave me a wakeup call.

     Week before last, there was a Christmas party.  It’s been a long time since a reasonable representation of Pirates have been together in my presence.  We were sadly missing a few who had other obligations, especially with it being mid-week and so close to Christmas, but hopefully we can all do something again sooner than later.
     Of course, the Wildcat jumped right in, and came up swimming.  Pirates are loud, Pirates are fun, and she’d already heard too many stories to pass up the opportunity to see us together.  It’s not that I had anything against the Pirates, but I was dead tired and trying to get out of going.  Fortunately, she was there to force me to get up and get out.

     The next week, I faltered quite a bit, myself.  Responsibilities and angst fell pretty heavy on me.  We’ve had more than a few heart-to-hearts over the last week, and she’s really gone out of her way to be with me and help us get through it together.

     Thursday night was Zacque’s combination Birthday and Family Christmas dinner since they’ll all be out of town for the Holidays.  We busted it to get to Knoxville in time, and had an great night out.
     I’d been looking for Zacque’s present for the better part of a year.  That’s just one of the things the Wildcat’s good for — if it hadn’t been for her, I never would have found it, yet, here it was, with days to spare!

     By Friday, it suddenly occurred to the roommate and I that we weren’t going to be able to do anything together for Christmas.  Thus, we decided, at the Zero Hour (which, in this apartment, is 3PM) to go ahead and do Christmas dinner on Saturday so that we could all be together.
     Despite having obligations of her own to attend to, the Wildcat decided to stay a couple of extra days and have our Christmas dinner and gift exchange a few days early.

     From 12PM to 9PM on Saturday, we frantically prepared a Christmas feast suitable for an army — a 13-pound turkey, dressing, mashed potatos, green beans, cole slaw, potato salad, gravy, pecan pie, peanut butter cake, and egg nog.
     We made a short trip to visit old friends down the road, exchanged gifts, hugged each other, and came back to eat.
     And despite being a last minute dash and a crazy amount of cooking in a small kitchen without much space, taking off for forty-five minutes to see friends, and coming back to eat before the cat decided to sniff everything on the counter, it really, really felt like Christmas.  
     I’m happy that the cat doesn’t actually eat human food (just sniffs it), and the Bumpuses don’t live next door with their damn dogs…

     Certainly, I know that there are people who are gonna get left out this year.  They’re not going to hear from me, for various reasons, time constraints and geography.
     I didn’t get Christmas cards out, no mailings whatsoever, and a there were a lot of other things I really meant to get done.  Some people, I just forgot because I’ve been running around like an Asshat trying to get everything done that needed to be done.

     We’re all guilty of putting ourselves under way too much stress during the Holidays.  Whenever you’re stressing that you weren’t able to be where you wanted to be, didn’t find the perfect gift, didn’t have time to get your cards out, there are only two things to remember.

     The first thing is…
     You cannot possibly get to everyone you know and love.  Sometimes all it takes is a thought and a prayer.

     The second and most important thing is…
     Christmas is about Love and Compassion.  Those are the two greatest gifts we can possibly give — or get.

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IjyKEx0pio)

     As for my Wildcat, there is nothing like watching in awe as the woman you love perks up and takes charge, makes executive decisions and gets things done when you’re having nothing short of a crisis.  What she has done for me over the last week has turned this into the best Christmas I’ve ever had. 
     Tomorrow morning, I’ll be heading up to spend the rest of the day with her family and doing the typical things: cooking, exchanging gifts, laughing together.  And I’m excited to spend more time with her, to be around family.

     Merry Christmas, everyone.

     Be safe.

They found a lump in my Mom’s breast today at the doctor’s office. Please send a message to the Big Guy upstairs for her, please. Breast cancer is scary.

For those of you that don’t know, Ms. Pat (Big T’s mom) had a severe brain aneurysm on our wedding day. Then brain surgery 2 days later on October 1st. On October 5th, they called in the family with the grim news that they (the doctors and such) gave her less than a 50% chance of making it. She was placed on a ventilator and was being fed by tubes, basically surviving on life support. There wasn’t much in the way of response at all. The awesome thing is, nobody gave up hope.

Now, on with the good stuff…

The home team scored one this weekend when Tony’s mom got to come home both Saturday and Sunday on a “day-pass.”

It works like this… they don’t do any of the therapy sessions on the weekends, so they send her home to break her back in slowly to life with husband and puppy. They start the time clock around 10AM (I think) and she’s allowed to be at home all day! Yay!

Only catch is, the rules and regs state the she has to be back at Patricia Neal by 9:00 PM. No exceptions, no excuses. If she didn’t show back up by precisely 9PM, they send the dogs and lynch mob out to hunt her down and bring her back for multiple lashings with a wet noodle.

Anyway, me and Big T went up to see her while she was in her own surroundings, eating her own home cooked food. I don’t give a shit what they say, there is no place like home to make one snap back to theirself.

When we got there, Big T told him Mom the joke of the day. Which made her cackle like a hen.

So, the women folk were sitting around the kitchen table as women folk commonly do and the men folk were congregated in the livingroom around the t.v., farting, burping and scratching their balls as men frequently do.

The phone rang and Ms. Pat answered it. It was T’s neice Christine. Ms. Pat is back to her self. She decided to tell T’s joke.

“Christine, honey, don’t buy a Butterball Turkey this year. They’ve recalled ‘em. Yah, they’ve been recalled. They forgot to butter the turkey balls.”

In all seriousness, she’s come so far in the last six weeks that they are actually kicking her loose today.

So, here’s to Ms. Pat, getting out to enjoy the drama and stress of the holiday season!!! I honestly couldn’t think of anything that sums up the Thanksgiving holiday, like the near loss of a loved one turned upside-down by an obvious miracle.

Give thanks, Kids. You never realize how important your family is to you until an eye-opening asskicker happens.

Howdy kids. My daughter called me last night and told and asked me what she should do with Tyler, my lil angel of a grandson. She said he was spiking a bigtime temperature and he couldn’t catch his breath. Turns out he was taking 50+ breaths per minute, which is way too much for a 2 year old.

After spending the evening at the ER, they told us he has pneumonia. Apparently, a kid can go from slight sniffles sans snot and goo to pneumonia in no time flat. So, his right lung is kinda jacked up and he’s taking a shit-pot of munchkin strength anti-biotics and breathing treatments.

Of course, no pneumonia epidemic is gonna get him down. Absolutely not. He was still raisin’ all hell in the waiting room and wasn’t diggin that nurse trying to take his vitals during check-in. It was all over when Natalie tried to strip him down to get him in a sexy, midget sized hospital gown. It pissed him off even more that he was getting a draft on his ass.

Keep my lil angel in your prayers, please. Even though he’s still full of piss and vinegar, pneumonia is an ass-kicker.