Let’s get one presumptuous idea outta your head right now.

     Trust me?

     My resume looks less like a resume, and more like the Fortune 500.  I’ve been running a company, in whatever capacity, for 22 years.  I can do your job.  His job.  Her job.  And if I don’t have the capacity for certain knowledge, I can learn it fast.
     I can walk into any company, tell them anything, and I can keep that job until I decide to move on.  Haphazard?  No … Hardcore.  That’s just the way it goes.

     The reason?

     Attention to detail, instead of saying, “Good enough.”  Asking questions, instead of seeing problems as weaknesses.  Re-writing business policies, because they’re not performing a required function.  Tactfully kicking a customer in the ass when they’re not delivering on “their” promises.  Figuring out problems, and fixing them, instead of regurgitating answers.
     I can hire … I can fire … and I always manage to keep things in line.

     I can do that with any work I’m not emotionally invested in.  Ownership, Relationships, just screw things up for me.
     Emotionally invested = My Own Company, My Own Money, My Business.
     But being that way also keeps me from banging every hot Admin Assistant (Secretary, right?  WTF?) that comes along.  Especially that hot, tiny Latina over at … Nevermind.

     But damn well, I can do your job.  And in a couple of months, I can do it better than you’re doing already.

     Know why?

     I work.  I learn.  I look beyond my own expectations.  I build processes, and accomplish beyond corporate goals.  In 40 hours or less.

     But most of all … I accept that other people are learning, too.

     Maybe that sounds arrogant … but I really don’t care.  I can do it.  Been doing it for a long time … And I’ve proven those points more than once everywhere I’ve ever been.

     Relationships … well … There’s always Life 101.

     Seriously, I wanna take this fucking thing and shoot it.

     Voice: “You know what you did?”
     Me: “I quit.”
     Voice: “Why?”
     “I needed to.”
     “Do you?”
     “…”
     “Do you?”
     “Yeah.”
     “Do you?”
     “Fuck off.”
     “No.”

     Every now and again, I have an angry customer.  I try and help ‘em as much as I can.  Sometimes, you just have to say, “I’m sorry you don’t feel we’re meeting your needs.  Next?”

     Some people just wanna stay angry … and there’s nothing you can do or say to fix it.  They can keep taking events and words completely out of context to be angry for, even though you’re trying to fix things.  You can be there, stay with the conversation, do your damndest, and it’s just not enough.  It’s especially crappy when you keep bending over backwards to help said customer…

      Most often, it comes down to one thing … and me, I’m never selfish about that.  If there’s one thing, I’ll do it … I’ll help … I’ll fix it … But I’m not gonna be a bend-over-boy, either.

     It usually comes down to one friggin’ thing … Trust.

     And I’m all about being honest … loyal like a Labrodor Retriever …

     But it’s still not enough … sometimes, people will ask for something, and still keep bitching when you give them exactly what they ask for.

     Damn walk-ins … Why couldn’t they be old souls like the rest of us?

     I really enjoy reading Doug McCaughan’s “Of Grasshoppers…” blogs over on Reality Me.  I can remember, fifteen-plus years ago, the two of us writing down a lot of things, and it’s good to see that he’s continued to do it.
     For what it’s worth, Doug, thanks.  I’m going get back in the habit…

     This is the first …

     From the beginning of my life, when there was a major decision to be made, there was a small, still voice at the back of my head asking me questions, giving me advice, pointing me in the right direction.  When life looked bleak and the world was in disarray, that voice kept me from losing my grip.
     I used to write down these dialogues, as they were great sources of insight.  Every now and again, I’d go back and read them, and reflect about where I’d ignored direction and deviated from my path into doom and gloom…

     When I was in my mid-20’s, it suddenly stopped.  It coincided with the time I felt I “grew up” and became content with myself.  My life changed drastically then… My attitude changed.  Things mattered less.  Illusions disappeared.  Everything began to fall into place.

     I hadn’t heard that voice in a long time … until about six months ago.  It’s been there, telling me what to look for, things to pay attention to, steering me towards directions and objectives that overwhelm me more and more.
     It’s been pushing me in directions that I’m not used to, which has been extremely difficult given all that’s happened over the last few months.  There’ve been several deaths to deal with … family problems … people to take care of … difficult business decisions … strangers in need … bizarre occurrences and coincidences that have shaken up my beliefs … things popping up from the past … and a surprising, newfound ability to make things right and let it all go …

     But this path that I’ve been on lately has proven more and more difficult, as I’m climbing a hill that seems insurmountable at times.  Just when I’m about to turn back, that small, still voice keeps telling me to steady my course …

     “Why’s it gotta be so fuckin’ hard?!” I’ll scream.

     “Because if it was easy, it wouldn’t mean anything,” it says.

The way he wakes up, always with a smile on his face.

The way he calls out my name, and reaches for me to come hold him tight.

The way he follows me, like I’m the leader,  leading him somewhere important.

The way he holds my hand, together facing this big, scary world.

The way he tries to explain to me, the things that are important in his little universe.

The way he bats his eyes at me, because he knows it melts my heart.

The way he snuggles up against me, like I am the one who can keep him safe.

The way he leads me here and there, discovering together what lies in the back yard.

The way he sits on the front porch with me, drinking tea, and watching the trucks go by.

The way he looks at his plate and then at mine when we sit down to eat. How he decides that his plate is just not good enough, and he just has to share mine instead.

The way he laughs out loud, when I nuzzle him under his chin.

The way he looks up at me with his big eyes,  knowing he’ll find reassurance that it will all be just fine.

The way he rubs his eyes and crawls up in my lap when he’s sleepy, makes me feel as safe as he feels with me.

The way he acts like a big man when he’s only a tiny boy, but he must act like his Papa no matter what.

The way he has filled my life with a special joy and happiness like I’ve never known, tears my heart down to the basics and helps me realize what true love really is.

You can tell I’m a Nana.  My grandson Tyler is two years old today.  That little boy has taught me more about life and love than any other lesson I’ve ever had.

I recently cleaned out some of my old hard drives and found something I wrote a while ago but never shared.  A little something to think about when things get you down, moonbats drive you nuts, or you are fed up with everything.  

A Simple Analysis of 20th Century Thought:

• Capitalism, he who dies owns the most toys wins.
• Hari Krishna, he who plays with the most toys wins.
• Catholicism, he who denies himself the most toys and little boys wins.
• Anglican, the boys were our toys first.
• Atheism, there is no toy or boy maker.
• Polytheism, there are many toy or boy makers.
• Evolutionism, the toys made themselves.
• Church of Christian Scientist, we are the toys.
• Communism, everyone gets the same number of toys and you are in big trouble if we catch you selling your toys or playing with them.
• B’hai, all your toys and are fine by us.
• Amish, toys with batteries are surely a sin.
• Protesting Moonbatism, war toys are evil.
• Good Ole Lefty, toys that are violent are to be rounded up and put into camps in order to become nonviolent toys.
• Taoism, the stuffed rabbit is as important as the dump truck.
• Mormonism, every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
• Voodoo, let me borrow that doll for a while.
• Hinduism, he who plays with plastic farm animals loses.
• Seventh Day Adventist, he who plays with toys on Saturday loses.
• Southern Baptist, if your toy is Disney product, you have a one-way ticket to hell.
• Jehovah’s Witness, he who sells the most toys door to door wins.
• Pentecostalism, he whose toys can speak wins.
• Existentialism, toys are a figment of your imagination.
• Confucianism, once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
• Non-Denominationalism, we don’t care where the toys come from lets just play with them.
• Agnosticism, it is not possible to know whether the toys make a bit of difference.
• Unitarian Universalism, we still have not decided if the toys exist, much less how, where, or who made them.

Isn’t that nice?