It’s well known that Swiss Banks are havens for asshats who wanted to hide all their stolen, Nazi gold.

     A few years ago, I broke a bit of code, using a Modulo 17 mathematical matrix, and created a way for Swiss Francs and Euros to be directly deposited into a certain company’s bank account.  Mateo Meier, President and CEO of Artmotion Ltd., never bothered to pay me for that trouble, nor followed any specifications on the web design job project he was given to make up for it.

     He owes me over two thousand USD, and a little more for the pain in the ass of collections.  His design worked sucked, and seemed more like an Office Online Template rather than anything that was done in Photoshop like he said.

     You’re a piece of crap, Mateo Meier.

     May you rot.

     “Hey, Mark, I need a small project done by 2PM.  Can you do it?”
     “Sure,” I said assuredly.

     But that was early this morning.

     “Hey, can you help with this other thing?”
     “I have a 2PM deadline on the first one,” I tell them.
     “It’ll only take a minute.”

     Wrong.

     Back on track, an hour later.

     “Hey, Mark?  I need you to hold up while we send you some more specifications.”
     “Okay, but… we’re running out of time here.”
     “It’s nothing major.”

     An hour later, I get the new information and have to sart over.

     “Hey, Mark, can you do something else for us?”
     “Look, I spent two and a half hours off, and I’m running out of time here.  You need your first project at 2PM, right?” I ask.
     “Yeah, but this is more important right now.”
     “Okay…”

     Another hour later, I’m back on track.

     “Hey, Mark.  This other guy over here needs some software installed.”
     “I can’t,” I told him.
     “Why not?”
     “I don’t have time, since you need this done by 2PM,” I explained.  “But I can do it after that.”
     “Yeah, we have to have that.  But if you can’t do this for us, then we better find someone else to do all of it.”
     “Well, you could, but I’ve already done this, that, the other, and spent an hour and a half on the first thing you asked for.  If you be patient, then I can get you taken care of.”
     “Yeah, ok.  Well, we need that by 2PM.”
     “Great… talk to ya then.”

     Back on track.  It’s 1:15PM.  I have forty-five minutes to finish.

     “Oh, but, Mark, we really need…”
     “Okay, do you need your project by 2PM?”
     “Yes, absolutely!”
     “Okay, I’m trying to finish it, in the next 45 minutes, so if you could just make a list of what all needs to be done and e-mail it to me, I’ll be happy to knock that out promptly at 2:01PM.”
     “Yeah, well, we have to have this, too.”
     “I can’t do both right now.  Both are very involved projects, and I need to finish this one by 2PM.  In 45 minutes, I’ll do whatever else you need.”
     “Well, that’s just not acceptable.  Haven’t you ever heard the customer is always right?”
     “Yes, and if you ask me to complete a task by 2PM, I’m going to, if you’ll allow me to.”
     “Oh, yeah, well, I think we’re just gonna scrap the whole project and find someone els to do all of it.”
     “Well, I could certainly do them, but I think perhaps you guys need to prioritize your needs a little better.  Here it is with forty minutes to spare, and I’ve only been able to work on a five hour project for about two hours.  I can get it going, but I can’t do it and talk on the phone and do all of these other things.  If you can bear with me for forty minutes, I’ll get you all taken care of it.”
     “All of it?”
     “Your project at 2PM, and everything else by 4:30.”
     “That’s not acceptable.  You said by 2PM.”
     “Yes, sir, for the original project.  All of these other things are peripheral, and taking the necessary time away from that project.”
     “That’s not acceptable.  We’re going to find someone else!” he yells as he hangs up.

     I call back.  “Ya know, there is the matter of your bill.”
     “You didn’t have the project finished by 2PM.”
     “No, but you contracted my time to do it, and proceded to use that time to finish several other, smaller projects.”
     “Apparently, our time isn’t important, Mark!”
     “Excuse me?” I monotoned in disbelief.

     I do the impossible.  I do a good job.  And above all, I treat my customers with respect and proceed to my duties in a professional manner.

     “So you’re not going to pay me?” I ask.
     “Why?  You didn’t get the job done.”
     “No, but I got three others done for you in the time where I was supposed to be finishing a project.  I explained repeatedly that I couldn’t get the project completed by 2PM if you continued to come to me with other, less important requests.  You said that these were just as important, and I stopped to complete those tasks, as well.  I am not a time traveller, and apparently, that is what you need.”
     “Yes, we do.  So f$*& you, Mr. Steel!  We’re finding someone else.”
     “F$*& ME?  Apparently, sir, you have a problem with my performance, though I fail to see how that could be, considering all of the assistance I’ve offered you today.  Perhaps you should find someone else.”
     “Don’t f$*&ing cuss me you piece of sh….”
     *click!*

     I will not walk away empty handed, and then sit there to be insulted and screamed.

     A little respect is never too much to ask.

     Funny that it’s now 2:06, and neither their projects nor their additional side tasks are completed.  I wonder how long it’s going to take the next guy?

     [ And if you're said customer --- who pretends to be my employer --- do you realize that I QUIT?! ]

One week to the day after I was wed to my prince, I was on a plane to Germany for a business trip that would keep me away for 10 days.  I can’t say I’ve ever been happier to be home than I am now.

I realized there are so many  little bitty things I manage to take for granted every single day.  You better believe the following is a tribute to those things.

Ice
I never really realized just how damn much ice  meant to me until I didn’t have it in my drink, for 10 days.  No friggin ice.  Luke warm yacky soda with no ice to chomp on. Damn.

Soda
Well, the German people have soda.  But they don’t have a friggin clue what Diet Coke is, no.  They call that shit Coke Light.  It’s super sweet and it tastes like real Coke.  And without ice it is simply undrinkable to my spoiled American palate.  And Diet Dew?  They don’t have Dew at all, let alone Diet Dew Light.  Damn.

The Dollar Being A Dollar
The US dollar is nothing more than a flipping piece of paper at the time of this writing.  I’m here to tell ya, by the time I paid the currency exchange fees and the exchange rate being as it was… my damn dollar was worth less than 47 cents, my friends.  It was extremely apparent to me just how bad it was when I came home to do my expense report and found that for 10 days, with exchange rate, I had spent more than $400 on food and drinks alone. Damn.  Wait!  Rachael Ray would be totally impressed, that would be $40 a day.  Go me!

Courtesy on the Road
Well, not that we have the most courteous drivers in the US, especially in the states that start with “I”, but even those numbnuts are courteous compared to the asshats on the autobahn.  Hello dickhead, get out of my tail pipe and learn to use a signal other than the bird!

My Man
Now this es muy imporante.  I never in my life thought, with all the traveling Diva does, that I would be homesick for my man.  I thought, I’m gone all the time.  It’ll be no big deal.  WRONG!  After more than a year of seeing his face and hearing his voice every single day… I realized how much I need those things and how much that he means to me.  Oh God, I’m getting all mushy again.
But seriously, doing without Diet Dew with ice on the autobahn was enough to make me want to walk to the coast, buy a boat and start paddlin my ass back home.

     Sure, the Asshat Conartist — err, Ashwin Khanna — thing left us all with a bad taste in our mouths.

     But it amazes me that a legitimate, $50 Contest sponsored by SomeMakeMoney.com is still short five entries after several months.  The contest was setup July 29th, and entries have only trickled in…

     For a few more “legitimate contests,” be sure and check out Contest Blogger, which contains not only some great contests, but a few nice SEO tricks to help bloggers build a little ‘net value.

     Apparently, Ashwin Khanna, the illustrious “Win $2500 for posting about my blog!“, is well on his way to being labeled “notorious.”

     Ashwin, henceforth known as “Asswin,” is nothing more than an 18-year-old, aspiring scam artist from London who seems to think it’s okay to use bullshit tactics to improve his search engine ranking … much like our last Asshat of the Day recipient, Steve Gallay, who used everyone who participated in a “Win $50!” contest to improve his search engine ranking by posting very little information about a missing child with links to his homepage instead of to an informative artcle.

     What Serr8d said about Gallay applies perfectly to Asswin Khanna, as well:

…he’s definitely a royal flush of an asshat…

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBsQFp6ZKS8)

     Just to let you know, Asswin, you’re only 18 and have an entire life of fraud ahead of you.  Nice to know you’ve started out so well!  I mean, what’s next?  Impossible-to-win footy boards?  A small pawn-and-loan-slash-fencing-operation there in Barnet?  Maybe a few billion e-mails asking for assistance in helping you get the money out of the bank account of a dead relative?
     Seriously, Asshat, what you’ve done is Fraud, plain and simple.  I hope someone takes a whiz in your Shreddies.

Tips: Contest Blogger, My New Hustle, Fracas

“She can’t remember a time
When she felt needed
If love was red then she was colour-blind
All her friends they’ve been tried for treason
And crimes that were never defined
— Savage Garden, “To the Moon and Back“

     Hey, it’s Monday NIGHT … I was busy!  Cut me some slack.

 1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     There’s a nasty little thing that all of us get from time to time when we’re unhappy.  Instead of vocalizing what we’re upset about, we go off on everyone single person around us… And we just can’t accept or apologize for it.
     Some of us get over it… and some people don’t.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     I’m leaving my answer from last week, because, seriously, that’s a crock:

“I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little sup’ed up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…”
  — Carrie Underwood, “Before He Cheats“

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I’m unhappy with my choice if business banking, Suntrust. 

     Suntrust are a bunch of asshats, and unfortunately, completely nameless because their so-called Customer Service department refuses to reveal anything anything more than how much they value me as a customer.  Of course, after saying that, and knowing they’re recorded, they take absolutely no responsibility for their actions, regardless of the fact that they’re not actually doing anything helpful or proactive when faced with what is an absolute catastrophe on their part.
     If I had one name, I’d make an Asshat of the Day post.  But they just won’t give me one…  Wonder why?

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     This weekend, I was repeatedly mauled by a Kentucky Wildcat.  Damages include many bruises, bite marks, scratches, sporadic blood loss, various serious abrasions, slightly seperated nose cartilage and swollen extremities.
     And I so look forward to the coming weekend…

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     Knock me down on the way to the goal, and you only strengthen my resolve.  The further down the hole I get, the harder I’ll dig, because I know damn well I’ll see the other side.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     There’s a place I wanna be… and I can see it… it’s so close… I’ve been there before, and I’ll get there again… and hopefully, just hopefully… Oh, man, that’ll make our lives so much easier… *grin*

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

UPDATE 24-Aug-2007:
Actually, Ashwin Khanna is a scamming little prick.

     Over at Ashwin’s blog, you will find one crazy blog owner!! You can win $2500!! To enter just copy this text and paste it in your blog!! But hurry, this competition will not last long! So get posting!

     Seriously … No memes, no tagging, no ridiculousness … I figured, “Hey, why not?”  Check it out…

Tip: Gerri at Absolutely True

Off a bridge, that is.

Not to sound unsympathetic to the horrible disaster which unfolded Wednesday on I-35W in Minneapolis, but it’s our government who allowed it to happen.  Maybe once enough people plumet to their death in horrific accidents, somebody who is somebody might decide to put more money where it needs to be:  HERE IN THE U.S., not every-damn-where else.

Nationwide, there are more than 70,000 that could crumble like humpty dumpty and have a great fall.  A story posted on AOL today states that Tennessee’s bridges DO NOT make it into a list of bridges likely to go down anytime soon.  So, maybe its true.  Maybe it’s not. 

I decided that this whole situation scares the crap out of me.  So, I started looking into the bridges in Tennessee that are, according to our officials at DOT, structurally deficient.

These guys tell us that of all the bridges, both “on system” and “off system” that are in structurally deficient number more than 1,000.  More than 1,000!!!  Of course, the bridges are not listed here, but I’m sure it wouldn’t be too terribly hard to find out if any of these 1,000 are bridges we take for granted every single day.

I found this quote from a TDOT official from NewsChannel5 in Nashville…

TDOT said about four percent of the state’s 8,000 highway and state road bridges are what they call “structurally deficient,” which means they have some structural problems. TDOT said those problems do not compromise the safety of those bridges.

They can call it what they want.  I still think federal funds should be piped into each state for bridge and road upkeep, rather than all over the world.

Think about it…Henley Street?  Gay Street?  The big one on Pellissippi Pkwy?  I-40?  Edgemore to/from Oak Ridge?  Not to mention any number of smaller bridges. 

Good luck out there people.  Watch out for them hateful northern drivers from states that start with ”I” and have falling bridges.

Some Make Money is giving away $50 for some linkage. Follow the directions below and go post a comment about it here for a chance at a portrait of Grant.

** Start Copy Here **

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It’s funny to me when someone who you thought of as a friend will put money in front of friendship. Personally, I think that this leads you down the road to a very crappy worldview. But it is somewhat interesting to see how people will act over the essence of probable money. It can turn pseudo-friend into worse that foe; former lovers into insult slinging buffoons or business partners into vicious tax collectors. Unfortunately for me this is an overly large let down. For love of God, you would think that the loss of a loved or the end of ties one would cause all parties involved to want to remember the happy memories of the passed. Never would it drive a wedge between friends or even those you considered almost like family.

Why the reason for the sudden cutting of ties? Simply because one person received something from a loved one that was not a member of his or her biological family. This very seldom thing occurs when debt that should have vanished and be non-existent or sheer greed takes over the body. Now a person in this situation must deal with the repercussions of their own poor decision in order to fulfill a desperate need for attention. It is as if they never got enough time, money, or caring sentiments from anyone. (Which a majority of the other people involved know to be false.)

Second example, the insult slinging buffoon, however is also very similar in behavior to the scum sucking relative. He or she will differ in that during the separation process, he or she will sling names at your friends, family, and your own person. I for instance have become a “vindictive, selfish, unloving, unmotivated, immoral, c*#$sucking a$$hole.”

If I had not realized that this was coming from an insensitive, psychopathic, and lying cesspool of a person I would be taken aback.  I hate when a lover-ship sours like a nice white wine. At some point you never get what you invested. Nor do you come anywhere near close to where you started and it sucks the big one. By that point, the only thing unknown about the relationship is how long with the other party keep pestering you?

The worst candidate for pestering you is the business partner when that relationship goes sour. They are slightly more annoying since more of your personal finances tend to be tied into your business. In the same token there is fortunately more distance sometime since it is a legal partnership and can be broken with the assistance of a fabulous mediator. (Wonderful counselor, the prince of peace… well okay, maybe it’s not quite such a divine intervention, it just seems that way sometimes.)

Generally, the repercussions with any of these can (with my involved will,) end on a positive note. In the end the people who irritate or criticize me with no ground to stand on usually go away and leave me be. They quit calling, don’t e-mail, or write letters. Those who choose to drag it out, cause a scene, and raise a ruckus should seek professional help. Why not? Lord knows I will if I fall victim to dealing with any of these unpleasantries.