I’m reluctant to post this, because it’s a little embarrassing and it might ruin my reputation..
     But, after passing out ten Rated E for Excellent awards, I ended up getting passed Judy’s (of Sugar Queen’s Dream) “Sweet as Sugar” award, and being paid a tremendous compliment, by that crazy canuck known as Fracas:

Now those who might think being a sweetie is reserved for women couldn’t be more wrong. In his day to day life, I happen to know that Mark is a sweetie to not just his lovely woman… but to a whole host of people that look to him for help, advice, friendship and all that good stuff. So Mark… suck this one up. You’re a sweetie and I guess you’ll just have to live with it.

     Without the quote, it was a little embarassing, however, I understand and appreciate the sentiment.  Though I’m a bit of a wildcard at times, and some people might not see it. 

     I’m supposed to pass this on to three more people.  The fact is, I have a lot of great friends, I know a lot of good people, and I’m acquainted with many more.  Out of that lot, it’d be absolutely impossible for me to pick three who deserve it more than others.
     That said, however, there are three people in my life who epitomize selflessness.  They’re “Sweet as Sugar.”  And they’re not bloggers.

     The first person on that list is my Wildcat.  And I know that may not come as a shock to anyone, but it’s true.  Everyone who knows this woman has nothing but good things to say about her.  She works in a hospital, and can bring a smile to the face of the most distraught.  Everyone around town adores her, and they’re extremely protective of her.
     Mind you, it can be difficult on occasion.  She’s so genuinely caring of others that she sometimes forgets to take time for herself.  And if there’s any question that she’s a Saint, the fact that she picked — and puts up with — me speaks volumes.

     The next two are in their eighties, and sharp as ever.  I’ve known them my entire life, and enjoyed their kindness, company and wit throughout.  They’ve treated me like I was their own child, and still continue to show me that no matter what happens, they’re there for me.
     And sometimes I feel like a bad son because I don’t see them as often as I should.  Schedules conflict, out of town, tried to call — all the usual excuses.  But when it comes right down to it, I simply haven’t put forth enough effort.  That’s something that I know I need to rectify.

     So that’s my three.  Sorry I’m breaking a meme, but sometimes we need to honor people outside of the blogosphere. 

     Amusingly, WhoreChurch has awarded blogitude.com the Excellent Blog award due to the following reason:

Mark gets the award because he would beat me up if I didn’t give him the award.

     While the reasoning is patently untrue (I’d be more likely to beat him for saying I’m “not unavailable” *snicker*) the award — and thought — is appreciated.

     And thus, I pass the Award along to these five:

• Fracas, because she’s also twisted hilarious, and because she’s impressed me with her mad marketing skills over the last year;
• Diva’s Ranting Again (formerly Divalicious), because Diva would beat me up if I didn’t give her the award;
• The Silverbacks, because it’s hilarious, and pretty much the first place I click on the off days when I start surfing;
• Absolutely True, which is basically the Blog version of News of the Weird;
• and last, but certainly not least, Instapinch, for having the balls to live in DC and be a Patriot — at the same time, even!  That’s an impressive feat these days!  Plus, it’s fun as Hell watching him rip a Moonbat apart piece by piece and feed him back his words. 

     So, kudos, ya’ll.  Pass it on to five more. 

 UPDATE: 7:16PM EST

     Ok, I just noticed that it’s supposed to be TEN, not FIVE.  I am a dork.

     And so, in keeping it Local, I’ll add to the list the Usual Suspects:

• The Cutting Edge
• Reality Me!
• Domestic Psychology
• Oh … Really?
• The House of Flying Monkeys

     Enjoy!

Ok, so they really actually reach over and smack my goodies, no. Too bad, huh? They actually cyber slapped with a meme. After they read my answers, they’ll think long and hard (heh I said long and hard)… =)

With the fact that I’m pretty boring in mind… everybody knows I love my kids and family and all the good stuff people tend to take for granted, so I shall give insight into who I am on a deeper level.

All Of The Eight Things You Didn’t Want To Know About Me

Eight Things I am Passionate About:
1. Widdling down Big T’s many collections.
2. Coffee (need I.V. drip STAT!)
3. SEX woooo hoooo! yah, I said SEX in all caps.
4. Taking the boy to see the monkeys the zoo at least once a month.
5. Bill Clinton being first lady gets me hot.
6. Karaoke. I AM DIVA, hear me roar
7. Blogging cuz ya’ll put up with my whining and verbal vomit.
8. Ignoring people who are drama freaks.

Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die
1. Invent something cool that will get my name in the news (any ideas?)
2. Give forth one more mini-me that will in turn drive me crazy like the others do (uh, maybe. It might just be temporary insanity)
3. Route 66 with Big T, a camera, & a cooler of cold beer (Cold beer and the worlds biggest ball of yarn!!)
4. Quit being flaky and actually go to a blogfest (I suck)
5. Join the mile high club (I travel alot and I just want my wings)
6. Lose enough weight to wear sexy slutty tight around the ass jeans (just once)
7. See Van Halen and the Police in concert (I missed it back in the day)
8. Get Dancin with the Stars good at Latin Dancing (reow sexy sexy)

Eight Things I Say Often
- “For fuck sake”
- “Bite me”
- “And you want me to do what about it?”
- “I’m gonna love you forever and ever. Amen.”
- “Stop bitchin’. You’re goin’ to school!”
- “You suck!”
- “Good morning, ‘insert company name’”
- “What are you thinkin?”

Eight Books I’ve Recently read
1. It’s Happy Bunny. Life, Get One. (only 10 pages with big pictures)
2. Killing Yourself With a Fork & Knife (read half)
3. Elevate Your Life (one month devotional with short stories)
4. Tuesdays with Morrie (still working on it)
5. Herotica

I have ADHD and can’t sit still long enough to read a book very often. I stick to recipes, blogs, and magazine articles.

Eight Movies I’ve Recently Seen
- 1408 (kinda creepy)
- Mr. Brooks (extremely psycho)
- Premonition (easily confused me)
- Oceans 13 (I needed a nap anyway)
- Come Early Morning (Jeffrey Donovan makes me wet)
- Elizabethtown (actaully a good movie after I got over Orlando being in it)
- A History of Violence (Ed Harris made me sad cuz he was evil)
- I Now Pronouce You Chuck & Larry (Hahahaha. I highly recommend)

Eight Songs That I Could Listen To Over And Over
* You’re In My Heart - Rod Stewart
* Your Man - Josh Turner
* Candy - Will Smith
* Forever - Will Smith
* Rocky Top - Pride of the Southland Marching Band
* Rapper’s Delight - Sugar Hill Gang
* Gold Digger - Kanye West
* The Most Beautiful Girl - Prince

Eight Things That Attract Me To My Best Friends
(I’m keepin it real and keepin Sugar’s answers to this one. Kudos.)
Honesty
Laughter
Energy
Intelligence
Pride
Morals
None judgmental
Ethics

Eight Things I Have Learned This Past Year
- You can’t merge two families and not expect kaos.
- Don’t get pissed, make fun of it.
- I found out who my friends are.
- I went around the mountain ten times but got the wedding planned and executed. I will never plan another wedding, ever.
- My baby girls can accept change and go with the flow.
- No matter how nice I am to my EX, that’s he’s always gonna be a dick.
- Life is lived one day at a time.
- I need to relax more

Eight People That Should Do This Meme and Not Complain:
- Chuckie @ What’s Up Chuck?
- Lenae @ Flat Coke & Flies
- Ms. P @ Fresh Taste of Banana Puddin
- Robert @ Observations from the Back 40
- m@ @ Animal Mind
- Mark @ Blogitude.com
- Lee @ Vicinity of Obscenity

     Sure, the Asshat Conartist — err, Ashwin Khanna — thing left us all with a bad taste in our mouths.

     But it amazes me that a legitimate, $50 Contest sponsored by SomeMakeMoney.com is still short five entries after several months.  The contest was setup July 29th, and entries have only trickled in…

     For a few more “legitimate contests,” be sure and check out Contest Blogger, which contains not only some great contests, but a few nice SEO tricks to help bloggers build a little ‘net value.

     Here’s a fun little link-sharing Meme, courtesy of Fracas, that could devolve rather quickly into something a little less than wholesome:

Remember when we were kids and at every opportunity, some adult would have us play that silly Telephone game? You know… the one where the lead person comes up with a sentence or statement, whispers it into the ear of the next person in line, and the sentence is passed from person to person until it reaches the end of the line. The last person then repeats the sentence out loud, the first person announces what it actually was, and everyone gets to laugh about how goofy it got by being passed from ear to ear and being altered because of mispronunciations and hearing ability.

Of course I realize that the game was simply a means for adults to keep us in line while we were waiting for something or killing time. Haven’t we even now as adults, tried to use it on our own kids?

Being the silly kind of fracas that I am, I’ve decided to create an internet version of the game, and use it as an opportunity for link-getting. Everyone wants links, and yet lots of people I know, prefer to get their links in a non-obvious kind of way. We’ve all done the “copy this list and create a post and you’ll get links” type of tag… at least once, but most of us don’t want to fill our blogs with those posts. It may get links, but eventually will chase readers away.

This is a fun way to give your readers something entertaining to read and get a few links too.

Instructions:

If you’ve been tagged, check the last entry on the list.  Copy this entire post, add your name and link to the end of the list, copy the sentence in the previous person’s entry and change ONE word in it to try and change the meaning of the sentence for your entry. Name and link only ONE person to tag and then post the whole thing as a new entry in your own blog.  Please make sure to transfer all the links to your post otherwise you aren’t providing fair linkage to the people before you.  Although this will take longer to get around, by tagging only one person you will avoid making mass enemies by having to tag many people, and it will also guarantee only one true version of the game is circulating out there. Fracas, the creator, will attempt to keep tabs on the game and periodically report on it.

Please try not to tag someone you see is already on the list. If you’re on the list, have been tagged again by someone who didn’t pay attention to the instructions and you don’t want to do another turn, please leave a comment at this post over at Fracas, and Fracas will take your turn for you in order to keep the list going.

1. Fracas - http://fracas.wordpress.com writes: 
     Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiter.

2. Mark @ Blogitude - http://www.blogitude.com/ writes:
     Never continue dating anyone who is nude to the waiter.

Mark Tags …. Wiggy @ Matters of Little Consequence

     For more info on the subject of this asinine tirade:

A buzz of activity yesterday helped Martin Provencher keep his mind not on what might have happened, but on finding his 9-year-old daughter, Cdrika, who disappeared without a trace eight days ago.

…

Cdrika Provencher is 5 feet tall and weighs 70 pounds. She is white and has curly red hair and brown eyes. Anyone with information about her disappearance should call the SQ at 1-800-659-4264

     Sorry, but I think my solution there is a little more helpful than posting some Asshat’s blog URL…

     Now to focus on the Asshat…

     All day long, Steven has been posting this message to our blog, and everyone else’s blog who was listed on the Google Page Rank 50 Dollar Contest:

I have disregarded any posting on any movies today.Please if anyone has any information on this beautiful redhead little girl call your local police dept.

PLEASE READ THE POST

(Asshat’s URL deleted since he was so polite)

     Four of my friends have send me a message today about the “weird spam” and each time, I’ve told them, “Nah, he seems to be doing it to all of his regular reads…”
     But when the same comment came in the second time, and again went into moderation, I responded to him via e-mail:

To: steven
Date: August 8, 2007 2:47PM 

Steven, I know it’s a PSA, but it’s kinda … well … spamming.  We’ve all heard it all over the news.

Take care,
Mark

    I wasn’t being flippant, but he needs to know that his actions might be ticking people off, eh?

     What I got back instead of an apology, or a plea to go ahead and remove the comment from moderation, was an e-mail from an abusive little asshat with absolutely no manners whatsoever:

From: steven
Date: August 8th, 2007 2:47PM EDT

your an asshole

     I mentioned it to a friend, saying, “Okay… He’s wound a little tight today,” but didn’t bother to respond.
     A few minutes later, got another one…

From: steven
Date: August 8th, 2007 2:53PM

She lives in my province, I thought I would get help from the blogging community.It’s not a psa or spam you ass,it’s called trying to help each other out!!!.obviously you don’t have any children or else you would understand!!!!

GET LOST!!!!

     Thanks for that, Steven.

     Seriously, I couldn’t continue my day without being abused by a random Asshat from Quebec.  Apparently, the problem isn’t only that you’re a repeat-offending spammer, but also that you’re totally lacking in the social graces which tend to be bestowed to most of us who deal with other human beings on a regular basis.

     To summarize:

• You can’t spell “you’re”
• I am an asshole, and an ass (think I needed that newsflash, Mr. Brightspark?)
• Your message was not a Public Service Announcement (PSA)
• Sending the exact same message to every blog attached to a $50 contest is apparently helping us out
• Sending your base URL instead of to an individual post is apparently helping us out, as well
• I don’t have any children
• I should get lost
• Your keyboard apparently has faulty space, shift, one, comma and period keys

     You’re right, Steven… I don’t have any kids because I have a genetic predisposition which results in severe birth defects.  Thanks for reminding me, Asshat.  All those years of therapy undone because you happened to Spam every blogger I know…

     You seem to be suffering from a PEBKAC error.

     Maybe, even, a little I-D-Ten-T.

     Now, Asshat, stop screwing with us and go do something useful … like maybe playing Russian Roulette, or seceding from the Canadian Union or something…

UPDATE 24-Aug-2007:
Actually, Ashwin Khanna is a scamming little prick.

     Over at Ashwin’s blog, you will find one crazy blog owner!! You can win $2500!! To enter just copy this text and paste it in your blog!! But hurry, this competition will not last long! So get posting!

     Seriously … No memes, no tagging, no ridiculousness … I figured, “Hey, why not?”  Check it out…

Tip: Gerri at Absolutely True

Some Make Money is giving away $50 for some linkage. Follow the directions below and go post a comment about it here for a chance at a portrait of Grant.

** Start Copy Here **

We all know how important getting link backs is and with this chain, you can get the ball rolling! You don’t have to be an established blogger to take part in this chain.

Here are the rules:
1. Copy this post from the point where it says “Start Copy Here” to the point where it says “End Copy Here”
2. Add yourself and 5 of your favorite bloggers to the end of the list.
3. Post this on your blog

Enkay Blog | Ms. Danielle | Cash For Comments | BetShopBoy | JohnCow | Mr. Gary Lee | Jon Lee | Dosh Dosh | Some Make Money | The King Kong Blog | RomanDock | Michael Kwan | Ed Lau | Jane May | Sam Breadstone | Windows Tips, Tricks and Hacks | ProBlogger | The Beef Jerky Blog | The Prize Blog | Online Coupon Codes | Jamaipanese | Rugjeff | ShadowScope | The News Press Net | JohnWaraas | Online Opportunity | Sara | Gaje Master | Graphic Design | romandock dot com | RevieWOW | Drunken Housewife | Sparemoolah | Anton | LR2 | JugglingCats | SkyWindows | Fracas | Blogitude.com | Oh… Really? | Reality Me! | Domestic Psychology | Swank Blather |

**End Copy Here**

     This thing’s been going ’round and ’round, and I read several of these blogs at least a few times a week (if not daily).  So … Let’s get on with it.

-Start Copy-

It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)

Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.

After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!

Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!

1. Look, read, and learn. ****
http://www.neonscent.com/
2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. ****
http://www.bushmackel.com/
3. Don’t let money change ya! *****
http://www.therandomforest.info/
4. Always reply to your comments. ***
http://chattiekat.com/
5. Blog about what you know & love. *
http://sugar-queens-dream.blogspot.com/
6. Alt tag your images for added search engine exposure. *
http://fracas.wordpress.com/
7. You can’t please everyone — just write what you feel. *
http://www.blogitude.com/

-End Copy-

Fracas said it best:

I am tagging: Because this meme is helpful and if done, can provide links to those who choose to do it, I’m not pointing the finger at anyone in particular but offering it up to anyone who wants to do it. If you want, also feel free to nab the graphic I’ve created to add a bit of fun. Just remember that if you’re doing the meme, you should make sure you carry over the links to the people on the list. Otherwise, their tiPs aren’t getting a fair shake.

Although… that said… I’m gonna tag one person: Anton.

     Fracas said she wouldn’t tag me, because she was afraid I’d kill her.   But since she was so kind as to tag one of the writers here, who’s known for her sarcasm, of course she’d tag me…
     Right now, I’m still thinking, “Fracas did this on purpose!”

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. More Random Than Average
2. Bluepaintred
3. Fracas
4. Diva (blogitude.com)
5. Mark (blogitude.com)

NEXT select five people to tag:

Thpft.  No.  The buck stops here.  heh  Besides, Diva already tagged five from this blog.

THEN answer the following Questions:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

• Flying back and forth to London
• Getting lots of migraines
• Helping a friend, who was going through a nasty separation.
• Running a company
• Assisting with various bits of Federal legislation
• Spending time with a pretty cool nine-year-old — first time I’d really spent any time with kids, and she was great.  But I also realized I’d never be able to handle having one of my own.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

• Waiting on divorce papers to come back signed
• Being overmedicated from trying to get rid of migraines
• Writing music again, but couldn’t play guitar due to medication
• Getting my bearings in my new house
• Reconnecting with family I hadn’t seen in years
• Running a company
• Realizing I’d already done everything I ever wanted to do — and coming up with some new things that I wanted to do
• Reflecting on baggage, and getting rid of it
• Dealing with an Internet Stalker

Five snacks you enjoy:

• Spicy Beef Jerky — or biltong, the South African variety
• Cheesecake — and not that moussy-type shit
• Fireballs — ya know, the cinnamon jaw breakers?
• Chili Cheese Fries, without the bacon — I’m allergic to pork
• Fried Pork Rinds — because I can’t eat them, I crave them

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

• Anarchy in the UK - The Sex Pistols
• Synchronicity II - The Police
• Last Caress - The Misfits
• Mother - Danzig
• High - Lighthouse Family

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

• Buy a house with cash — why bother with mortgage payments?
• Buy another beater car — no sense spending money on them
• Help some friends
• Make some good investments
• Two words — Disney World

Five bad habits:

• Cussing like a sailor
• Drinking like a fish
• Smoking like a freight train
• Spoiling women
• Helping people to my detriment

Five things you like doing:

• Reaching for the “unattainable” — I’ve attained a lot of those things just because I had the balls to try.
• Doing what I say I’ll do — keeping promises
• Making out — and making love
• Spoiling women — emotionally, financially, physically
• Helping people to my detriment — I’d rather get burned than turn away anyone who legitimately asks

Five things you would never wear again:
(Ok, I had pretty sensible clothing sense, so this’ll get esoteric)

• An under-arm carry holster — my arm gets sore
• One of my piercings — don’t ask
• A cast on my hands — they heal up fine without it
• Guilt/Shame/Dishonor from those who share my DNA — they can keep it
  Parachute pants — I think I wore them because everyone else did…

Five favorite toys:

• Romanian AK-47 circa 1968-1972 (milled) — though I don’t have mine anymore, it’s still a favorite
• Great video game/simulation — ArmA: Combat Operations
• My crappy car — since some people have felt it was okay to sabotage said vehicle so many times (screwing with my brakes, mufflers, tires, wheels, gas tank, windows, etc.), I decided a little offroading on July 4th wouldn’t hurt it much worse — good times, good times.  ;-)  Besides, driving still relaxes me.
• My Home Theater system — I put together all of the components so that I could have exactly what I wanted.  Nothing like watching Jurassic Park with bone-shattering bass that makes your heart race every time T Rex takes a step.
• My roommate’s cat — it wants total affection, but is so stand off-ish that it’ll attack you as soon as you get close.  The sadist in me can’t help but lead it around a little … besides, it’s bloody hilarious to watch it run up the wall after a laser pointer, and subsequently realize that it can’t hold onto the wall, freak out, and not land on its feet like usual…