Today I thought that I would try and be an actual journalist and tell you something useful.  So like many actual “journalists” I will syndicate the news today with my own personal spin.

From three days ago most news publications are trying to give you and update on the Virginia Tech shooting.  The new revelation has to deal with the shooter’s past mental health history. In addition, while in a poetry class, the professor had the shooter removed from class.

Unfortunately, the natural course of events for liberal sissies is taking effect. They are trying to blame lack of gun control as well as awareness for the incedent. Well, I have news for them, gun control is without question two things: 1. Use both hands. 2. Hit what you are aiming for. So those were obviously NOT this kid’s problem. He hit what he was aiming at, probably used both hands and most definately had to be aware of what he was doing. Especially since he went back for seconds.

In other overwhelming sissydom, the Attorney General is in jeopardy of losing his job simply for making a decision and having piss poor evidence to back it up with. Welcome to the real world with the rest of us buddy. God forbid someone in the Government be actually accountable for a mistake they made instead of blaming it on a predessor and spending more money trying to fix the problem, while in reality screwing it up worse than it was originally.

Speaking of problems which are almost beyond repair, the Iraq situation is still ongoing at this point. Well who am I kidding? We as a country are trying to let a group of beauracrats to perform the job of the Commander and Chief. Not what the framers had in mind I think… Leaving the Commander and Chief to do his job is most ideal and will work flawlessly when he has a good head upon his shoulders and is not guilty of previously mentioned money issue in the last story. Oh wait, see bureaucracy again for lack of funding on that one.

And now to your hippy dippy weather man, for all of the hippy dippy weather, man…

This blog I dedicate to underappreciated musical artists, albums, and songs.  Any of which may have gotten some attention, but for some reason no longer get the attention they deserve. (Kind of like Vietnam Veterans… or for that matter many of our veterans, with the exception of the really annoying over zealous ones that are there to DEMAND pity from those of us who couldn’t even fathom joining the military if we wanted.  That is a different blog though.)

The first on this list are two brothers which were featured in Mushy’s blog not too long ago, Stevie Ray Vaughn and his brother Jimmy Vaughn.  Both guitar virtuosos made major accomplishments to music that for the most part were very seriously forgotten.  In fact, when the news report came out that Stevie had gone down like so many other in a tragic plane crash all the media could seem to report was that Eric Clapton was not on the plane. 

Speaking of planes, the next tributes goes to a man whose claim to fame was a song about one such tragic plane crash, Don Mclean.  He makes the list not because of his hit American Pie, but because of the rest of the album.  As the average hippie might say, “It really seemed to jump out and speak to me, ma-an.”  Vincent, one of the tracks on this album is just brilliant. It deals with things that, at one point or another, all of us have thought about and puts them into perspective.

In terms of perspective, the next mention goes to Jim Croce, for the song Time in A Bottle.  I realize that this song has gotten a lot of press but then you should look at the album of the same name and realize the person wrote some great music.  He was responsible for many great love songs of the era.  If nothing else, I rediscovered his music at a time in my life where he was quite influential.

While his music may not be his own, Richard Cheese must pull a little of his inspiration from any number of influences.  He takes current standards and puts a completely different spin on them, showing little idiosyncrasies that otherwise would be long forgotten.  All I can say is that Closer by the Nine Inch Nails shall never be closer than it is now.  It will always have a special place in my heart because of the man, Richard Cheese.

The last of these tributes, for the time being, goes to a friend of mine in Nashville, Rachel Pearl (or on HerSpace).  I personally feel like blues and jazz musicians don’t get enough exposure in days of queer boy bands and actors who think they are musicians.  (Sorry Mr. Ayckroyd, but you are an actor who plays a faux musician on the silver screen, no matter what you do under said pseudonym to promote blues and jazz artist who are under appreciated.)  Besides, she has a voice that is warm like a late August evening as the sun begins to set with a personality to match.  Not to mention she puts on a hell of a show when she takes the stage.

So as I raise my glass to these musicians, I realize that there are many that I have left at the wayside.  I suppose I will just have to revisit this topic on another day.  So here’s to all of the underappreciated musicians, songs, and albums.  I am sure there will be more to flowers to bloom as the long time passes.

While the name of this blog may bring of thoughts of something racy, I am not talking about what is going on in Iraq, Kosovo, Afghanistan or Central and South America. I am speaking more in terms of visual pollution in the forms of endless websites, unyielding amounts of bumper stickers, and hours of wasted media coverage. Wasted on whom you ask? Local, homegrown, good ol’ American terrorists.

The first of these are those people who want you to realize, “Meat is no treat for those you eat.” Yes, it is the crazed vegetarians, who would rather you become sickly and dwindle to nothing rather than harm animals. Therein lies the problem. They put the well being of the animals they protect above their own. Kind of ridiculous in concept design alone, but they also have to spread their propaganda all over the Internet with websites like Peta and Peta2, not to mention all over Myspace pages and in e-mail.

The other major organization that we can collectively not care for is AIM, or the American Indian Movement, who keep a list of “U.S. Political Prisoners,” which is primarily a list of American Indians who have been incarcerated by the U.S. government for various reasons. The most illustrious of these, Leonard Peltier, is currently serving two consecutive life sentences for killing two FBI Special Agents on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. They are also major supporters of the “Sure you can trust the government, just ask any Indian” mentality, bringing forth their message of individual sovereignty for tribal groups in protests, writings, poetry and art.

That alone is not a major problem, but the way these groups spread their message like a disease (or the Baptist church) is the issue. The way they distribute propaganda, you will hear them out or go to hell: do not pass go, do not collect $200 dollars. Well, of the latter that is for sure, since it will go directly into their never ending, yet always almost empty coffers. Besides, someone has to start a large bumper sticker campaign. This is most popular amongst teenagers and adults who haven’t grown out of their activist past, which should have been left in the past (also see: the 60’s), and we would all say thank you.So, grow out of years gone by, as we have new ways of changing things other than just bitching now. You can always run for political office (see: Ben Campbell) and use the tools change things set forth by our founding fathers.

     Over the past year, we’ve been inundated with media reports that our spelling and grammatical skills are becoming worse and worse here in the U.S., thanks, in no small part, to Internet E-Mail and Messaging Services.
     Just to show that we still have a long way to go before calling this a Code Red Spelling Emergency, I’d like to share this e-mail that I quite mistakenly received from someone I don’t know in New Zealand:

From: shirley coromandel
Sent: Sunday

Hei sarp steven hows things goin aye???? yeahhh long tym no ea ehehhe and dat thing b4 sori bout dat ehehhe me aint been a snobb just bus.e hows kura yeiiiiiii finished finalli but dumb exams i got one tommorow,wed and thurs and im goin to d pools today eheheh and study so wats ur cell numb??? sum dik whuk stole ma fone hes in 7th but its alguds got anufa one n better but it dont have bluetooth but it has infered….. well enough bout dat wats ur plans for d holies aye???? im off up norf and prob go karapiro wif marz i myt dunno and stay in auks hows was d ball??? well hala wen eva if u dont alguds wish d best for ur exams frum one n onli shurlee

fRuM: SIL.E

     This just screams “Translate me!” doesn’t it?

     Americans are regularly ridiculed or criticized for using Slang and Abbreviations in every day language, most often by chiding English who like to remind us, “We invented the language!”  Unfortunately, this argument is easily shot down by anyone who’s actually been to London and heard the mish-mash of Anglo; some accents are so strong that people from borough to borough cannot understand one another.

     A few years ago, Phonics were apparently dropped from New Zealand school curriculums.  Though I am unable to find any links to substantiate the fact, I’ve spoken to many teachers from New Zealand who are happy to corroborate.  Others who were from New Zealand have spoken about a news story which aired some time between 2001 and 2003, “Are we causing our children brain-damage by teaching whole word learning?”
     Universities worldwide have published papers about Whole Word Learning, some for it, and some against.  It is a commonly held belief that those who can already read have powerful, parallel processors which, under certain conditions, can read words regardless of the order they’re in. Beliefs like these were what fueled the following 2003 fad (quite possibly inspired by Graham Rawlinson’s 1999 letter to New Scientist):

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

     But is this any reason at all to cave to the idea that “Spelling is too hard,” and lower our standards?

     According to some people, yes, it is!

     Founded in 1908, the U.K.-based group, The Simplified Spelling Society, believes that English spelling is far too difficult for both English and non-English speakers to learn.  Their website only tells of their more recent history (since 1992), most notably where the Society’s Constitution was bureaucracized and its Ten Axioms of English Spelling were reduced to a mere Six in Committee.  Regardless, their Spelling Reform in Context does make for some rather uninteresting reading.

     More interesting is Samuel Clemens’ (aka Mark Twain) “A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling.”

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter ‘c’ would be dropped to be replased either by ‘k’ or ’s’, and likewise ‘x’ would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which ‘c’ would be retained would be the ‘ch’ formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform ‘w’ spelling, so that ‘which’ and ‘one’ would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish ‘y’ replasing it with ‘i’ and Iear 4 might fiks the ‘g/j’ anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.

Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez ‘c’, ‘y’ and ‘x’ — bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez — tu riplais ‘ch’, ’sh’, and ‘th’ rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

     How can you argue with one of the greatest American authors of all time?

     On with the translation:

From: shirley coromandel
Sent: Sunday

Hello, Steven.

How are things going with you? It’s been a long time since we’ve spoken. I want to apologize for the way we left things, and let you know that I wasn’t being a snob in not contacting you. It’s just that I’ve been very busy.

Are you enjoying yourself in Kaikoura?

I’ve finished school, but still have exams tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday. But today, I’m going to relax in the hot pools.

What’s your cell number? I’m asking because some [expletive] Senior stole my phone. I’m not so worried about it, though, as I managed to get a replacement. Unfortunately, this one only has Infrared where my other one had Bluetooth.

This weekend, I may go to Lake Karapiro with Meredith, but those plans aren’t definite. I’ll definitely go and stay in Auckland for a while.

How was your party?

Well, again, I apologize for the way we left things. I hope you write back, but I understand if you don’t.

Good luck on your exams!

Your One and Only, Shirley

     Now wasn’t that better?  Why couldn’t this girl have done that before?  Certainly, she should purchase “Morrison’s Sound-It-Out Speller: A Phonic Key to English” ASAP.

     Take a look at this real squirrel, and this plastic squirrel.  Which one is cuter?

     For me, it’s definitely the first one …

     The first one is real, and evokes an emotional response.  The second one is a piece of molded plastic, and evokes absolutely nothing.

     This same logic can be applied to Banana Nicole Smith.

And in other news, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has confessed to the Great Flood, killing OJ’s wife, planting the fake Dinosaur evidence to screw with the Kristians and he’s pretty sure he is the daddy of Danielynn.

Oh, and that whole Global Warming thing?

His bad.

     Seriously… From her blog… 

Please, it’s good advice…

Pies are meant for eating. Like with ice cream or cheese, on a plate, with a fork.

     Myself, I’m too pissed off to be funny lately.  Glad someone’s making me laugh.

     Not that I particularly give a damn about Banana Nicole and her Company of Conniving Clowns, I did have a conversation last week about the unfortunate fact that “that poor Dannielynn” was surely going to end up with one of them.
     Fracas did a pretty in-depth editorial about that very situation:

The real issue in the whole Anna Nicole Smith mess, is whether or not baby Dannielynn is cared for properly and has a chance at a better life.

And make no mistake, by “better”, I mean more normal, not wealthier.

…

It is doubtful, as to whether Anna had the presence of mind to properly care for her baby, to make decisions for her baby or to decide who else is appropriate and worthy enough to have the right to care for or make decisions on behalf of her baby.

Yet Stern would like for the world to think it should be him.

We know that Stern has been alleged by several other parties, to be “controlling”. While much of what Larry Birkhead and Virgie Arthur have to say is their opinion only, unsubstantiated in some cases, we do have the video of him taping a stoned Anna. …

     It doesn’t strike me as odd in the least that Stern, an entertainment lawyer, might be a gigantic prick. I mean, it’s obvious he uses his tie to hold up his foreskin.

     Even if Dannielynn Hope Smith  was old enough to respond to the question “Who’s your daddy?” I’m sure she’d still be confused.
     Since her birth four months ago to Anna Nicole Smith, there’s been wild speculation about the identity of the father.  At least, that’s what the Mass Media says to justify their feeding frenzy of late.

     At around 2:30PM EST on Thursday, February 8th, 2007, Anna died.

     A few moments later, her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead went public that he was the father, and that he would be taking Dannielynn to raise as his own.

     A few hours later, her attorney, Howard K. Stern (no relation to the shock-jock with the missing K.), went public that he was the father, and that he would fight Birkhead for custody of the four-month-old.

     Today, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederick von Anhalt, went public that he was the father, but has no intention of fighting Birkhead or Stern for custody.
     Given the Gabor sisters’ propensities to slap the Hell out of unsuspecting men, this move was unsurprising.

     Now that there’s no one to deny it, I submit that I am the Father, given that I was conducting business in the immediate vicinity of Hollywood, Florida during the second week of April 2006.  Apparently, Anna Nicole and I used the same toilet within fifteen minutes of one another.

     It’s amazing the lengths some Journalists will go to discredit anyone and everyone who doesn’t agree with their idea that Iraq is a quagmire and we should cut and run immediately.
     Whoever didn’t read William Arkin’s Tuesday column in the Washington Post definitely should;  what he delivered was nothing short of slander against every man and woman in uniform.

I’ve been mulling over an NBC Nightly News report from Iraq last Friday in which a number of soldiers expressed frustration with opposition to war in the United States.

I’m sure the soldiers were expressing a majority opinion common amongst the ranks - that’s why it is news - and I’m also sure no one in the military leadership or the administration put the soldiers up to expressing their views, nor steered NBC reporter Richard Engel to the story.

     If he’s “sure,” then why the Hell did he even say it?  Ahhh … because he wanted to remind everyone that his sense of sarcasm runs as deep as the spoiled, affluent high school girl who declares, “Oh, trailer park girl, my daddy’s going to buy me a BMW today.  I’m sure you’ll be driving yours and parking right beside me in the parking lot!”

I’m all for everyone expressing their opinion, even those who wear the uniform of the United States Army. But I also hope that military commanders took the soldiers aside after the story and explained to them why it wasn’t for them to disapprove of the American people.

     If that’s not a “Free Speech should only apply to us Journalists, not you morons!” then I must have missed something.

So, we pay the soldiers a decent wage, take care of their families, provide them with housing and medical care and vast social support systems and ship obscene amenities into the war zone for them, we support them in every possible way, and their attitude is that we should in addition roll over and play dead, defer to the military and the generals and let them fight their war, and give up our rights and responsibilities to speak up because they are above society?
  .
  .
  .
…the recent NBC report is just an ugly reminder of the price we pay for a mercenary - oops sorry, volunteer - force that thinks it is doing the dirty work.

The notion of dirty work is that, like laundry, it is something that has to be done but no one else wants to do it. But Iraq is not dirty work: it is not some necessary endeavor; the people just don’t believe that anymore.

I’ll accept that the soldiers, in order to soldier on, have to believe that they are manning the parapet, and that’s where their frustrations come in. I’ll accept as well that they are young and naïve and are frustrated with their own lack of progress and the never changing situation in Iraq. Cut off from society and constantly told that everyone supports them, no wonder the debate back home confuses them.

America needs to ponder what it is we really owe those in uniform.

     *gasp!*

     What Mr. Arkin should remember is that those soldiers whom he despises so — who he thinks shouldn’t be able to speak their minds without disciplinary action — have earned their Citizenship and their right to an opinion.  They have taken their Oaths of Service, protecting the United States and the Constitution from all enemies, both foreign and domestic.  They have spilled their own blood and the blood of our enemies, all in order that people of Arkin’s ilk are ensured Free Speech and Representation.

     It took him until yesterday to apologize — but only for calling them mercenaries.

Mercenary, of course, is an insult and pejorative, and it does not accurately describe the condition of the American soldier today. I sincerely apologize to anyone in the military who took my words literally.

     Of course, the entire rest of the column is filled with same anti-War, anti-Bush, we’re-getting-nowhere-in-Iraq rhetoric, so does it really matter?

     I can’t help but wonder … When was the last time Arkin looked at the Flag, remembered what it meant, and said the Pledge of Allegiance?