Not only do I feel good about giving kudos to those in our society that are, in my opinion anyway, hot as a Louisiana Swamp in mid-July, but I also notice the stupid stuff the some folks tend to do. These people will be referred to as SKANKS from here on.

In yet another vain attempt to toast the new summer season in, let us discuss a new and exciting skank who delights in her skankiness, acts completely brainless, and depends on her off the wall antics every day to get her somewhere in life or at least keep the full realm of attention right on her. So… onward and upward

Before Britney’s lack of panties… Before Paris and her sad XXX movie debut… Before the Anna Nicole circus…

Before any of the fore mentioned super skanks, we had a super skank that raised the bar for skanks today. Who might we be talking about? Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita, of course.

Sure, the skanks of today are, for the most part completely vulgar and lacking good taste and judgement. But, they don’t go around shooting their lover’s wife in the head.

Yes, I must now move Amy Fisher into the Skank of the Day slot. Why Amy Fisher?

First, you must be a skank of phenomenal proportions to have all three major networks do a docudrama on your messed up existence.

Well, it seems that she and Joey Butt-a-fuoco are planning to move in together and pick up where they left off before Amy was sent off to prison. Joey has went through another wife, Evanka, who he is fooling around on. Damn that Amy “the homewrecker” Fisher!

Apparently, Evanka has vowed to keep her man no matter what.

Can’t wait to see the drama that comes out of the sequel. Even if it’s all a big pre-empted publicity stunt to get people interested in their planned reality show.

Jeez… I can’t even remember which one was the skank… Joey and Amy…

YOU GO KIDS!

     Okay, I suck.  I forgot last week’s Monday Melee.  And then, I forgot it yesterday, too.  I dunno how that happened!  Well, actually, I do, but I’m not telling.  Thpft!
     Meanwhile, I’m gonna sit here jamming out to Etta James some more…

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     Some people are just gigantic asshats.  They serve no purpose, other than the be asshats.  I’m sure everyone knows at least one.  The worst types of asshats are the ones who can’t tolerate other asshats in the slightest.  They get all bent out of shape when someone treats them like they treat everyone else around them.
     Makes me wanna slap some sense into ‘em.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     Al Gore decided to slam the Media for “trivialities and nonsense” the other day.  He immediately followed up his jab for Media to pick up one of his pet causes — well, actually, the only cause.  Apparently, Mr. Gore feels that United States should pass Global Warming legislation which puts limits on pollution which are lower than our current standards.  What a ‘tard!

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I’m not unhappy.  Really.  ;-)  Gimme a few hours… I figure by 9AM, I’ll have something…

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     Umm … Hey, you.  No, not you — that one … Yeah, you … Thanks.

     (No names, no names)

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     I heard a rumour that I’m a really nice and generous guy who’s always around to offer a shoulder and a beer.  Yeah, okay, that’s true. 

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     Tomorrow night’s Powerball Lottery sure sounds good.  I can think of all sorts of things I could do with those kinds of winnings… First on the list: Disney World again. ;-)

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

Dear Lord. Won’t it ever go away? What did we do to deserve more drama out of the Anna Nicole family?

Finally, Vergie Arthur *cringe* has quieted down. Finally, Howard K. Stern appears to have went in to relax mode. Nobody has tried to dig her up. There are no more wannabe daddies coming out of the woodwork. Seemed like the train wreck was just about cleaned up and we could all just go on with our lives……

Until 5 minutes ago.

Now it seems Anna’s freak step-sister, Donna Hogan, the author of the much acclaimed biography about Anna Nicole, Train Wreck, is gonna try to step into Anna’s life and live it. Chick is gonna get a new set of boobs and bleach her hair. She’s icky, and borderline scary.

Get this. She’s gonna get the new rack and go try to screw her way into Playboy… *cringe again*.

Wonder how long it’ll be before Howard K. moves in on her? At least she’s got the book profits… that dork doesn’t even have a job now.

For real, the last thing I want to hear on the news everyday is all the crazy shit this broad is gonna do to try and drum up some (apparently much needed) attention. Yup, I could live a thousand lives and be happy never to here any of this crap about Anna Nicole and her screwed up family/friends again.

On second thought, maybe I should start a cause….  Donations accepted for Diva’s boob job and other minor plastic surgeries in an effort to beat that freak skank to the punch.  We’ll call it the “Make Diva Famous Fund”.

Mark, you’re in charge of passin the collection plate, pal!

     Partially in response to Monty’s bit about The Edutainment Hip-Hop show, and the fact that I don’t have a Mother, I hereby rename today Happy Mutha’s Day.

      So Happy Day, all you Mutha’s!

[ Note: No bitches or ho's were harmed in the preparation of this blog - Opie & Anthony may soon join the ranks of Imus ]

I was sitting here reading the paper.  Yes, the actual thing, news print on paper that was at one point not post-mortem.  Hmm…  That I believe is a very good description for the newspapers of today.  They’ve softened up just like the rest of the media.  They are slowly becoming pussified, one story at a time.

Well for years, we’ve known the newspaper in Maryville, TN isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.  More importantly, it wasn’t worth the thirty-five cents it once cost to buy it.  The Daily Times remains too biased and never important news.  I suppose it will be forever cursed with the fact that Maryville and Alcoa are small towns.  For the most part, it is similar to the Knoxville News Sentinel, syndication of larger papers or the Associated Press.  Leaving no room really, for what happens down the road or in your own back yard (OMG, since that is what a newspaper is supposed to do.)

The final straw that made me decide that this pussification is now far too widespread happened when I read this post about the Oakland Tribune. 

This paper is moving to start a revolution.  Trying to start a protest for Pete’s sake, all because their civil liberties are being taken away.  This by the way is exactly what they asked for.  George Carlin tried you warn, “you people” about that years ago.  The government, in order to give you the illusion of safety will no doubt, sacrifice a little of your freedom to make you feel safe.

So by all means, send in books that will really change things…  It will send a message…  That all the people involved are major asshats.  I mean do these people think that anyone on Capitol Hill besides maybe Nancy Pelosi is going give a rat’s rear-end?  Much less, would they take the time to read George Orwell’s 1984 again?

The only thing decent out of the whole argument is to try to change the Patriot Act.  It isn’t terrible though, besides the fact, it takes away a few more liberties that I like.  However, one small amendment would be nice…  Give us our copyrights back.  Most places don’t care if it was taken on base or not.  I for one would like any images I record of military items and/or personnel to be mine.  All though I know that this stipulation is already made, there is a complete and total lack of enforcement.  Oh well, I guess that is the problem with many laws… a lack of enforcement (isn’t there a law in place about people with stupid ideas and motivation to start protests which make no since and limiting thier breeding habits?  If they are into limiting civil liberties why not add that?)

This has been Zacque Hitchcock for the Critic’s Corner. 

Since I am a fan of the “News of the Weird,” a column regularly featured in everyone’s favorite free “news” publication in the KnoxVegas MetroPulse, I’ve have decided to share some exceptional news today.

Let us go north, thru Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Canadia — okay, maybe not that far — go southwest a little, and bam!  You’re in the Dairy state, Wisconsin.  Then within that state, we come to the lovely little city of Janesville, just on the state line.  Janesville is known as “Wisconsin’s Park Place”, even though it was originally founded on strong industry. Our story however comes from a different line of work entirely, one that is universal to all places nowadays: Real Estate.

Whether you are buying, selling, renting, leasing, or subletting, some truths should just be self-evident.  Never trust anyone who offers a deal that feels to good to be true.

1. Inspect the property.
2. If the neighborhood looks like butt, the property values should not be that high.
3. Don’t be afraid to do a bit of research.
4. Don’t forget, to sell a place, the worst thing you can do is have the actual owner present.  Hire an agent.

I can’t help but want to talk about the last one.  The reasoning behind it is the same as hiring an attorney, since we all now a similar adage:  The man who represents himself has a fool for an attorney.  The owner is too emotionally tied to the property to make a viable sales attempt successful. 

Now that we can be successful, let’s get on with the story.

While on location showing a home to a couple, a real estate agent heard a blood-curdling scream out of the female counterpart.  Assuming it was a mouse the husband and agent walk into the room.  To their surprise, it was not a mouse, but the owner of the property… Deceased.

All I have to say is, “Hey, the owner was trying to do the right thing… he was OUT!”

     A friend of mine sent me this cartoon earlier, and I find it perfect considering the media’s anti-gun standpoint in the wake of the mass shooting last week.

[ Copyright © Leo Garza / San Antonio Express-News ]

     Having been around guns since I was … well, born, actually … I learned to have a healthy respect for them.  As a child, I never touched them unless they were handed to me.  I didn’t tell my friends about them.  I didn’t ever show them to my friends.  I didn’t carry them around with me.  I certainly never took one to show-and-tell.

     Why?

     Because I listened to what my father told me.

     Flash forward a lot of years, and any time a child doesn’t listen to their parents and does any of those things with a gun, the media goes insane about it.  
     The problem isn’t guns — it’s in raising a child who has no idea about cause-and-effect relationships, no responsibility or consequences for their own actions.

     Guns should be kept away from children.  I agree with that.  Some people should not own guns.  I agree with that.  But making widespread sweeping changes and Federal bans on guns? 
     Congress doesn’t know enough about firearms to make any such distinctions.  There are any number of stumbling blocks here.  You can’t go out today and come home with a handgun.  You can’t go out today and purchase a fully automatic, military-style weapon — nor can you in two weeks.  Or a month.  Or six.

     We have enjoyed gun ownership since this country was founded.  There are plenty of them around.  Employing strict gun control laws only affects guns that the Government knows about.  Since we’ve been signing up for them, with background checks, for nearly thirty years, then what are we supposed to do?
     In essence, the Government would be saying, “Oh, by the way, that gun you signed for twenty years ago?  Give it here.  No, you haven’t done anything wrong.  But … Give it!  No, I don’t care how much you paid for it, and I don’t care what it’s worth.  I’ll give you to the count of three, or I’ll have to shoot you… 1 … 2 … I thought so.”

     “But you don’t need a Glock 17 that can hold 19 rounds!” some scream.
     I would argue that they don’t need an SUV with a 24-gallon gas tank that has to be refilled every 200 miles.
     Sure, my gun might, one day, give one person a really bad day if they come into my home with the intent of causing me harm.  But their SUV is nothing more than a carbon monoxide factory that is destroying the ozone layer and screwing it up for all of us.

     Which one’s really more important?

     On 19-Apr-2007, vehement gun control activists, The Brady Campaign, released a press statement, titled, “Cho Seung-Hui Was A Prohibited Purchaser Under Existing Federal Law.”

Brady Campaign To Prevent Gun Violence President Paul Helmke issued the following statement:

“We believe that based on existing Federal law, Cho Seung-Hui should not have passed his Brady background checks and should not have been allowed to purchase firearms.”

     So, basically, they’re saying that even though there were laws in place to prevent Cho from ever owning a gun, he got them anyway, because someone broke the law.  Was it Cho?  The seller?  Those responsible for the background check?
     Whatever the answer, it doesn’t change the fact that no amount of legislation would have kept it from happening.

     Heed My Words: Gun control isn’t going to affect the massive number of illegal, untraceable guns that are out there, and it will leave a populace completely undefended against those who possess them.

     That’s my favorite picture of Yeltsin, quite often a simile for his life during the last twenty years.

     What few people remember were his frequent clashes with Mikhail Gorbachev on the issue of Perestroika, not because he was against it, but because he felt Gorbachev was moving too slowly.  Media reacted to the clashes without ever looking at the context, dubbing him a “Hardline Communist.”  They never really went back to correct their mistake.
     Needless to say, he was tough, highly opinionated and stubborn.  He said what he thought, and stuck to his guns no matter what.

     Rest in peace, Mr. Yeltsin (01-Feb-1931 - 23-Apr-2007).

Photo Credit: Unknown - Deserves credit

Drama, drama, drama. Some of us tire of hearing it over and over. However, there are many, many folks out there who do nothing but sit and wait for drama, any drama, to happen.

They feed on what they are fed until a new feeding frenzy starts up.
Honestly, since Monday, how much have you heard about Anna Nicole and her circus of drama?

Not much, huh? Because the new frenzy has started. They’ll run the Virginia Tech angle into the ground until the next huge blog of drama drops into the laps of the media.

It’s not a new deal… to exploit the sorrow, sadness, tragedy of others.

• Diana & Dodi
• JFK Jr. & party
• The D. C. Sniper
• Jennifer “Runaway Bride” Wilbanks

Who cares?? Not me, but apparently lot of folks get sucked into huge drama to escape from their own.

Yes it was a tragedy, yes it was traumatic for those involved, and yes it was horribly unfair. But honestly, get over it already.

Why are we as a nation so infatuated with the death of 33 people whom most of us would never have met? Is this event any different than the thousands of other events that resulted in 1200 deaths across the nation in that same period of time? Is it suddenly news worthy when 33 people die in a single event vs hundreds or thousands dying in similar yet unrelated events?

In the United States of America, how many people drank themselves to death that day? How many innocent people were killed because someone was driving while drinking themselves to death? How many toddlers were raped by a family member. How many children were beaten, bruised, maimed, or killed by their parents that day? How many children slit their wrists or hung themselves because of depression? How many people starved to death? With the exception of starvation (just eight) each of those numbers is greater than 33, most are over 100.

There are many atrocities closer to home that we should be worried about. Yet as a people the US appears intent on ignoring the “routine deaths” in favor of the sensational. Why can’t we realize that CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, and all these other so called news channels are FOR PROFIT? They don’t give one bit of shit about reporting the truth. They only care about ratings.

The news is supported by the advertisers. Ratings go up when more people watch. Advertisers pay more for shows with higher ratings. It stands to reason that a for-profit company would do everything they can to get more viewers. I see it on the national news channels, local news, and even PBS and NPR. They all constantly promise one more tidbit of information to string you along and keep you from changing channels.

Ironically, I don’t blame the news agencies. I blame you! You watch the news, you agonize over the tragedy and you buy it, hook line and sinker. Truth, lies, slanted left, slanted right, you consume it all. Your eyeballs glued to the freaking CNN or Fox News are to blame. If you wouldn’t watch the shit, they wouldn’t produce it.

So as you’re walking around tomorrow and see people wearing orange and maroon, commemorating the shooting at VT, thank them from the bottom of your heart for perpetuating a nation of lies, half truths, and sensational tragedy.