When browsing to my favorite news provider, sometimes I realize a screenshot is worth a million words:
I recalled a beer once. But now I forget…
So…
Should I order the cheeseburger, or the beer?
On second thought, I’ll skip it.
Right now, I can’t afford to pay attention.
When Diva and Tony tied the knot in September, I couldn’t help but remark at the one photo which really stood out:
“…from the looks of it, Tony is actually able to handle her.”
But this post has absolutely nothing to do with that.
Well…
Other than a wedding.
Earlier this week in India, a deeply superstitious farmhand was married, as well. In fact, Mr. P. Selvakumar has finally found his perfect bitch.
He says he was “cursed” after killing a couple of canines, and hopes this action will help lift it.
Me, I’ll just sit back and laugh with a Top 10 list:
Man, you just can’t make stuff like this up…
Note: Selvakumar Photo Copyright © 2007 Associated Press, All Rights Reserved
So, I’m pretty much sick of thinking and talking about Paris and Lindsey. I’m over Anna Nicole, her monasery of man whores and her kid.
Thank God there was something fun in the news today!
This dude, err, chick, err, well I think its still a dude, Robert Kosilek, wants the state of Massachusetts to pay for his sex change surgery.
Um. Yah. He just isn’t happy being a he and isn’t going to be happy living as a he anymore, dammit!
Whatever. This asshat killed his wife in 1990 after she dumped hot tea on his testicles. I’d probably have dumped hot tea on his testicles too, but I would have run for the hills and not looked back. Apparently she wasn’t that smart and he strangled her. How I don’t know. I can only assume that if I had hot tea spill on my nuts, I’d be in the fetal position crying like a baby.
Anyhoo. So, this guy has been in jail for murder for many moons. Now, I don’t know about ya’ll, but I am all for swift offing of anybody who is a murderer. I mean, why are we wasting our tax dollars on feeding and showering these folks? I am not tolerant of blatent evil or being mean for the sake of it, but I think there are way too many murderers, child molesters, and rapists in prison, living the good life, instead of getting a needle in the vein.
And this jack ass wants the state to pay to remove his penis and give him a vagina? If they do it, I hope he gets molested by the biggest, baddest man in the prison.
Any Tom, Harry, or Dick in society would be fighting with a multitude of shrinks to get the sex change, not to mention spending a small fortune on the operation itself. How in the world could his request even have gotten so far as to have made it into court? And not only did it make it into the courts, but an obscene amount of money has been spent on mental evaluations of this guy because he keeps threatening suicide. Good God, let him do it!
Dang, give me the needle or let me have control of the switch, I’ll euthanize him and save the fine tax paying citizens of Mass. a whole lot of money.
That’s the question I heard as I picked up my to go order. I thought it deserved saying again.
People get murdered every day.
Why did this particular event become the headline? Why do I care at all about this particular event hundreds of miles from me and unrelated to anyone I know?
Why is this headline news on all the networks? Does anyone ever ask that at the network? Does anyone ever ask if they are hurting or helping both the victims and their families, and the viewers? Does anything but sensationalism and ratings matter?
I really don’t give a shit about these headline stories. They have absolutely nothing to do with me or anyone I remotely know.
News should matter to the viewers. It should have some relationship to their lives. It should not be a slow drive by a crash on the highway.
That’s sick.
Remember: Beer is proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy.
1. The Misanthropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
The obsession with the Great Green Evil… MONEY! Why must everyone be obsessed with it? Is it not possible to do without this concept in its entirety and still have a successful society? Oh well, I suppose I will have to learn to at least live with this in some shape, form or fashion. (Barring total armageddon or the collapse of society as we know it… Which I can’t have, I love my computer… It allows me to keep in touch with people who are out of reach.)
2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
I will now offer a tribute to the bogusness of the town I so formerly was a resident of… Now beyond time and space we shall travel back a few years. Yes, you have now reached the time of the Wilks Bucks Scandal of Maryville, Tennessee. Funny how the only newspaper article I could find was from The Oak Ridger and his name was changed.
Hmm… Something fishy is afoot I do believe.
The Maryville paper quite possibly could have just forgotten about the whole incident for some reason. What that may or may not be I will never know. Although it seems kind of unusual for Oak Ridge to have made a report on the topic and no where else in the state. I was there I knew what happened.
The moral of this story is: Kiddies think twice before trying to defraud our glorious government because big brother is watching.
3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
I am rather distraught with my total lack of faith in people that are around me. It’s not necessarily that I don’t trust them. It falls more along the lines of I seriously question their ability to follow through with things. After all most people are easily much more easily distracted with things that directly affect their own person.
Secondly, I am let down by the lack of excellent and groovy living in the world. With this lack of easygoing natural course of living, life is difficult. While I realize that for the most part life can be summed up from a quote in The Princess Bride, “Life is pain.” I require myself to think differently.
Last but not least, on this note can’t we all just f*cking get along. (I know I used the word f*ck, but when I used it it had more emphasis didn’t it?)
4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
The rest of the reading world, well hell you made it this far. Just keep on truckin’.
5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
The mirror broke this week, check back later… (I apologize for the complete lack of interesting and funny dialogue but I’m just full of sour satire this week…)
On the other hand I did find a six pack of Samuel Adams Cream Stout… Boy is it yummy it really hits the spot. Also it is great to blog by and as Moe says, “I highly recommend it!”
6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
Visible progress in four key areas (not the armpits, a**hole, crotch and teeth…*): my love life, unfortunate financial situation, extending the arm of friendship my daily grasp, and feeling as if I can’t quite fulfill the requests of friends and family.
Thus is the conclusion of my Monday Melee. You too can join in the fun by visiting The Monday Melee page and completing the steps. Kick-start your brains on Mondays, meet other bloggers, and by George have a darn good time too.
I had some blogs saved up complaining about a Web 2.0 meme I couldn’t finish (sorry), a Wikipedia Article, and the fact that I couldn’t find a suitable Time Lapse artist on the 2nd … So … Here we go …
Web 2.0 is an old concept. We were using the term back in 1999 at a Web Design studio where I worked at as a lead developer… It had to do with the seperation of form and function, an optimized user experience with nearly seamless transitions from Desktop to Web, and ability to allow clients to manipulate that experience in a way that helped them make sense of the data they were viewing.
Despite the Wikipedia article which says O’Reilly Media quoted it in 2003, the term’s been around for more than 10 years… Seriously, believing that is like believing Al Gore created teh Internets.
Also contrary to popular belief (especially to a lot of anti-Microsoft asshats), the first real “Web 2.0″ app was Microsoft’s old Exchange Webmail client — thrown away due to its instability, instead of fixed and re-packaged — which boasted more features than even Roundcube Webmail can get away with now.
This video, however, has only a little to do with any of that. Instead, it’s a great piece of artwork which highlights the things that’ve happened over the last ten years and gives us some things to think about as we go through our cultural transitions.
(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gmP4nk0EOE)
Tip: Sir Rantzalot, more commonly known as Rantz, who, for all practical purposes appears to be a gentleman and a scholar. Or something. heh
Character is often regarded as a means to judge the quality of a person and their moral values. I thought about this as a read the blog on the Borat Syndrome when my name was mentioned. I finally figured out why I love the film so much. It is a perfect cross-section of the sheer ugliness that make up the moral stature of so many people in our lovely US and A. I now invite you to watch as the people go and sing along as if it was a Disney Sing-A-Long special.
Surely, with this kind of debauchery and social degradation in the film media, it won’t be long until sex everywhere you look. Children hate their parents, other races, any sort of work, and their bosses. The politicians will be crooked. As they try to swindle, cheat and steal not only from the people but from each other as well. (Not to mention remaining stagnant during their term, so they do not alienate their constituency so they are re-elected.)
While I do think a serious look at the general moral character of the public needs to be addressed, although I am not suggesting overall moral change. (I want to keep my rights and my firearms.*) I believe this must be addressed on much more a personal level. You know, like prayer in school and spirituality when in the public domain, left up to the individual. The whole point of the “film” is not to anger. Merely to empower the mind, so our unpleasant qualities can be corrected. All I am saying is simply if you don’t study history, you are bound to repeat it.
Okay, when I started blogging, I swore to myself and everything that is held Holy, not to say one word about Paris Hilton. I always felt that she was just not worthy of my attention, as she is a complete and utter attention whore to begin with… why humor her.
But, the courtroom activities of the day have made me realize the err of my ways. She is worthy of being a SKANK OF THE DAY.
Seriously. Let’s say Diva was to go out, do a line or ten, go racing off into the sunset in her pretty little chick-mobile doing 100+ miles an hour. Let’s say the PO-PO blue lighted Diva, found her to be under the influence, arrested her, made her go to court, suspended her license to operate even the simplest motor vehicle.
Do you think Diva would have learned her lesson? The answer is yes. Diva does not desire to spend her days locked up in an icky cell with hardened women criminals that say and do scary things to Diva-like creatures.
But the fact that she was stupid enough to get caught is not why she is the SKANK OF THE DAY. No. On the contrary, she made this list because she was stupid enough to get caught a couple more times driving on said suspended license.
Hello?!?! I know you are filthy freakin rich, and most everybody does most everything for you, but, DUH! Are you STUPID enough to believe that you can get away with the same offense multiple times?? Hire a driver, dumbass! Party your ass off all the time!
In all honesty, I don’t think jail time was warranted. It’s not like she was out there drunker than a skunk. No. She was simply tooling around L.A. like the big Paris dawg she is. You know… shopping, Starbucks… those fruitless tasks that she must endure on a daily basis. Ooops!!!
The city of Los Angeles would have been much better off fining the shit out of her every time she blows it. She is worth ga-gillions. Why not take her for a little more each time she gets out and acts like an ass? Why not have someone watching her for fine-able offenses. The City of Los Angeles would have the money to get police support in Watts where they really need it.
But, they did sentence her. And I went all shades of red when I heard they had released her to house arrest. Why? Mental problems with being in a confined, damp, loud, open place? Not able to eat gourmet? Burritos not good enough for her? Was it not enough that she had her sentence reduced and was only going to have to be there for a minute and a half anyway? Honestly, I’m shocked she made it 10 hours before she flipped completely out.
So, this judge decided that she’s an idiot and now our girl Paris is not only doing her sentence, but she’s doing the whole 45 days. Ooops. Off ya go, lass. Screaming and crying isn’t going to do anything for ya now. Off ya go, with those nice deputies over there. I swear… Drama, drama, drama.
Anyway, let us take a moment to run down the list of why Paris Hilton is a MAJOR LEAGUE SKANK:
1. She has that same stupid pose on the red carpet all the time. Head down-tits and ass pushed out. Well, except that time when she crashed on the motorcycle on the red carpet… I must laugh now, excuse me *ROFLMAO*
Sorry, I’m better now.
2. In and out, in and out, in and out of jail. Now do they let anybody else in and out of jail? Why hell no. Mommy’s money just wasn’t good enough this time.
3. The whole being “best friends with Britney” fiasco. Come on now. Britney was semi-skanky, but Paris managed to drag Britney into BIGTIME SKANKDOM. Hello!?!?! Undergarments… look into them.
**Note. What do you wanna bet she wears her panties for the next 45 days.
4. Even Diva is smart enough not to let any questionable materials out in the open. Hello!?!?! Ever heard of a locked, fire-proof box? Keep your junk in the trunk, sister.
Ok, I feel like I am getting a little bit catty here. And I could go on for miles about why I think Paris Hilton deserves the honor of Skank of the Day, but why?
Am I making me feel any better about being me? No, I rock and I don’t need affirmation anyway. Unlike Paris, I’m the bomb even though I’m not build like Barbie and worth my family’s millions.
In closing a few words to Paris:
They’ll give you blankets if you’re cold. Alot of folks survive college on frozen burritos. You won’t starve. It ain’t the Beverly Hilton (pardon the pun), it’s jail. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
Not only do I feel good about giving kudos to those in our society that are, in my opinion anyway, hot as a Louisiana Swamp in mid-July, but I also notice the stupid stuff the some folks tend to do. These people will be referred to as SKANKS from here on.
In yet another vain attempt to toast the new summer season in, let us discuss a new and exciting skank who delights in her skankiness, acts completely brainless, and depends on her off the wall antics every day to get her somewhere in life or at least keep the full realm of attention right on her. So… onward and upward
Before Britney’s lack of panties… Before Paris and her sad XXX movie debut… Before the Anna Nicole circus…
Before any of the fore mentioned super skanks, we had a super skank that raised the bar for skanks today. Who might we be talking about? Amy Fisher, the Long Island Lolita, of course.
Sure, the skanks of today are, for the most part completely vulgar and lacking good taste and judgement. But, they don’t go around shooting their lover’s wife in the head.
Yes, I must now move Amy Fisher into the Skank of the Day slot. Why Amy Fisher?
First, you must be a skank of phenomenal proportions to have all three major networks do a docudrama on your messed up existence.
Well, it seems that she and Joey Butt-a-fuoco are planning to move in together and pick up where they left off before Amy was sent off to prison. Joey has went through another wife, Evanka, who he is fooling around on. Damn that Amy “the homewrecker” Fisher!
Apparently, Evanka has vowed to keep her man no matter what.
Can’t wait to see the drama that comes out of the sequel. Even if it’s all a big pre-empted publicity stunt to get people interested in their planned reality show.
Jeez… I can’t even remember which one was the skank… Joey and Amy…
YOU GO KIDS!
Okay, I suck. I forgot last week’s Monday Melee. And then, I forgot it yesterday, too. I dunno how that happened! Well, actually, I do, but I’m not telling. Thpft!
Meanwhile, I’m gonna sit here jamming out to Etta James some more…
1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
Some people are just gigantic asshats. They serve no purpose, other than the be asshats. I’m sure everyone knows at least one. The worst types of asshats are the ones who can’t tolerate other asshats in the slightest. They get all bent out of shape when someone treats them like they treat everyone else around them.
Makes me wanna slap some sense into ‘em.
2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
Al Gore decided to slam the Media for “trivialities and nonsense” the other day. He immediately followed up his jab for Media to pick up one of his pet causes — well, actually, the only cause. Apparently, Mr. Gore feels that United States should pass Global Warming legislation which puts limits on pollution which are lower than our current standards. What a ‘tard!
3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
I’m not unhappy. Really. ;-) Gimme a few hours… I figure by 9AM, I’ll have something…
4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
Umm … Hey, you. No, not you — that one … Yeah, you … Thanks. 
(No names, no names)
5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
I heard a rumour that I’m a really nice and generous guy who’s always around to offer a shoulder and a beer. Yeah, okay, that’s true.
6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
Tomorrow night’s Powerball Lottery sure sounds good. I can think of all sorts of things I could do with those kinds of winnings… First on the list: Disney World again. ;-)
Now it’s your turn.
You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.
