This rainbow capped off a rather crummy day. Like always, its whats at the end of the rainbow that counts. Its very nice to see the sky smile at you.
i was at my worst with nothing left
and all the world was blue
and never saw a ray of hope
’til the day that i met you
and while you’re in that place
i give your words back to you
you told me…
you can’t be strong all the time
or keep hiding all the tears
sometimes you have to let it out
and stand your ground to fear
when you feel that all is lost
remember that i’m right here
always.
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I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you’ll see
A different side of me
— “Unwell,” Matchbox Twenty
1. The Magnificent: Name someone you absolutely adore, and tell us why.
My Wildcat found me through a series of bizarre coincidences, and latched on like there was no tomorrow. She went out of her way, through all of my cynicism, to prove that things some things are meant to be.
2. The Muddy: Tell us something about life you just don’t “get”.
When going out for breakfast this morning, I listened to a couple of Preacher’s relatives sitting far back away from everyone, talking in no unspecific terms about how cool it was that they were safe, since they’d blamed their accountant for fleecing money from their Church. Thinking back, I know too many Church accountants who’ve committed suicide over crap like that. How the Hell can people who are supposed to be leading us be such rotten bastards?
3. The Magnetic: Name something or someone good (or bad) you’re drawn to and you just can’t help it. Tell us if you want to change this or not.
I’m drawn to my Wildcat, Hell or high water. It’s a hopeless case.
4. The Mainstay: Who or what is something you just can’t live without? Why?
See #3. Retrospectively, I’ve always met a “special someone” at a time when I probably shouldn’t have, when I wasn’t prepared. This time around, things were different. I was ready… and now I’m hooked.
5. The Masquerade: Tell us something about yourself we wouldn’t already know.
Most of my time growing up was spent in the care of other people, usually elderly people. My Grandmother. Mary, the sister of one of my mother’s managers. I struggled a lot growing up because I had a lot of Wisdom way too early… and too often forgot to be a kid. I flip back and forth a lot these days…
6. The Mettle: Tell us about a time you showed courage in yourself, or tell us what you wish you had the courage to do.
A while back, I had a really intense migraine. The next day, I lost my mind in a bad way. I just woke up that morning, and it was gone. I started therapy… and while a lot of people think that’s not a big deal, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. These days, I know where my mind is. I just misplace it sometimes.
Now it’s your turn.
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Remember this one?
The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.”
The doctor says, “Then don’t do that.”
An old joke that we’ve all heard a billion times, and proof that Henny Youngman will never die. 
But seriously …
When I try and deal with certain problems, it does nothing but create a Hell-storm.
Yesterday, in order to try and move forward with my life, and hopefully help her to do the same, I dug around a little too much and actually managed to locate a woman who is, through some fault of her own and some fault of mine, making our lives a living Hell. As usual, she just ripped me a new one, reminded me of every single thing I ever did wrong, and got me all worked up and depressed again.
I honestly can’t handle it, can’t handle dealing with her at all, and simply haven’t since earlier last year. That was probably the wrong thing to do on my part.
For me, the pain caused by it all is one thing: I couldn’t keep the promises I made to her. It was impossible, because by the end, I was so depressed, I just wanted to stop living.
It’s been two years, trying to get the situation resolved and keep us out of each others’ hair forever. Yet, every single attempt to do so has led to failure. Every time I deal with her, it puts me right back there again, where I feel completely and totally hopeless.
So Henny Youngman’s immortal joke comes to mind again…
The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.”
The doctor says, “Then don’t do that.”
But in the meantime, neither of us can move on until it gets resolved.
I can’t deal with it any more. She can’t deal with it any more.
And if the two of us are honest, and truly think about everything we’ve lost, we should know that we don’t owe each other anything except:
…to have the chance to go forward and move on.
I swear, that’s all I wanna do, and I’ll wish her well, leave it and be done with it, because the hate and accusations and bullshit and ridiculous requests have been are too much to deal with. Neither of us are happy, and we deserve little happiness.
Maybe, after thinking about it, she’ll come around.
I hope she does.
The very definition of “stupidity” is as follows:
stupidity is
attempting the same thing
numerous times
the exact same way
and expecting a different result
Get it?
It’s about growing up.
I gave a young woman a riddle a couple of days ago.
She’s a sweet girl, someone who seems to have all of her cards in order, and young enough to keep trying to grow up (as opposed to all of us old farts who realize that we are, and just keep fighting the process).
Does anyone remember this particular riddle?
When everything else is gone
What’s left?
I’m sure you know the answer, but I ask that you don’t reveal it when you comment. It’s so damned easy, and people like me — my Wildcat, too (love you, baby!)— we forget it now and again. It’s a damned simple lesson in Life.
Now for the final clue:
they can listen
but won’t obey
they try to try
who are they?
Maybe it’s too much of a clue. But sometimes, when you drop a clue on your foot, it weighs more than a hammer.
Now, me? I’ve had a helluva life.
So … I’m gonna sit back and watch a movie.
I lost 70 pounds last year. I gave away all of my “fat clothes” and went on a serious shopping spree. Then BAM! All of my newly acquired, smaller sizes are officially snug to the point that my eyes feel like they’re gonna pop out when I try to button my jeans. I’ve packed 30 pounds back on.
I went down to a sexy, curvy 16. REOW. Ooops, I’ve managed to get back up somewhere between a big 18 and a small 20. I’d be totally fine if it wasn’t for Taco Bell and chinese food.
No, I don’t want any cheese to go with my whine… LOL. I swear to Larry, Curly & Moe that I’m not whining at all. I’m just letting you kids know that if you hear me talking about bean burritos, custard Krisy Kreme donuts or sesame chicken w/eggroll, you can kick my ass for me and remind me that I should be in step class, not the fast food line. See how it works?
I’ll be honest, afterall, I’m amongst friends. I’m flat lazy and wussed out of going to the gym like I should have.
I loved the gym and looking at all the hot dudes with well defined legs and massive arms. Hell, I even loved looking at the hottie girls that have dedicated their gym time to maintaining that hottiness. I know that ain’t right, but remember I’m being honest here. Whoever says people don’t pay attention to the other people in a gym is full of shit.
So, today I started out very well. I got up this morning, packed my bag and went to the gym immediately after work. I trotted at a leisurely 3 to 3.5 MPH on the treadmill. I managed to crank out just under 3.5 miles before I decided I’d had enough. Made me want to throw up on the extremely fit fella right next to me that was running his ass off and didn’t even get out of breath. But, then again, who’s fault is that? I think I cursed myself to gain the weight back when I wrote that friggin blog about gluttony.
So boys and girls… Wish me luck. Wish me back into a sexy size.
I’ve finally figured out that most of my knee shaking epiphanies hit me while my ass is firmly planted on a bar stool. This past weekend was, without doubt, no different.
I finally realized why, in fact, my past few months have been, how shall I say, like stink on shit.
Although I’m extremely happy with Big T, I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way… I’ve packed on 20 pounds since I got married and my clothes are too tight… which has led to me being severly annoyed at everything… which led to my lack of tolerance to drama in any circle in my life. I got enough drama dealing with my ever expanding ass to deal with anybody elses bull-caca.
I’ve decided that all the petty bullshit and disharmony must be flushed from my life like a Biore strip removes the blackhead on a super model’s ass.
I was in the midst of three different people, on three seperate occassions, having three separate issues during the long weekend, who, for whatever their reason, seem to tote sadness, misery and all out drama in their purses.
Swear to God, after number 2 acted up, I was seriously considering becoming a recluse and avoiding all humanity until these three got it together. Jeez.
My advice to them, get happy. Nobody wants to be around somebody who can’t smile and just share in the happiness. The world does not spin on its little axis simply for you to be in the center of it, no. Your problems are no bigger than anybody else’s. Get a grip, get a job. It’s life, get one.
There is absolutely no sense what-so-ever in all this crap.
How’s that? I just needed to get that off my chest. I’ll put on my hater blockers, go have some Chai Tea and meditate.
It’s been a crazy year since last Thanksgiving. Certainly, an abnormal and unusual amount of “bad stuff” far beyond my control has transpired, as well as a ridiculous amount from my own poor choices. If I were to sit and reflect on it all, I’d probably end up depressed.
But…
Defeats made me savor victories. Losses made me appreciate what I gained. Every tear made me laugh even harder.
For that, I’m thankful.
Nearly every time I was in need, someone else had it worse. I did what I could when I could, and the favors were returned in kind.
For those, I’m thankful.
The short list of people I consider “family” has grown tremendously longer. For every loss, three were gained. Those who were there already have gotten a whole lot closer.
For them, I’m thankful.
As I sit here this morning, anticipating a huge dinner with my Wildcat and her family, I can’t help but reflect that if even one thing had happened differently, I wouldn’t have ended up here.
For us, I’m thankful.
(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTvDDEB5aQQ)
Sometimes, things happen for a reason. That’s why it’s important to count your blessings and be thankful for silver linings.
To all my friends, to all my family, and all of my friends who are family, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I’m working on finding my sarcasm again after losing it somewhere between the altar and Germany. In hindsight, I don’t actually think I ever lost it. I think somehow it got kicked in the corner, or under my dresser with the dust-bunnies when I started having girl problems. Nothing like some girl issues to jack one’s system completely up. None-the-less, I started to feel my sassy self coming back to life.
