One of the things I really enjoy is people threatening to sue me.  That has happened so much the last few years, mostly from people who refuse to pay their bills and I take some action against.  They claim they’ll be suing me for defamation or some crap like that most of the time, not that I ever go talking about them to anyone except courts or police.  It costs me too much money to actually sue them and get nothing from it, so I just make the motions as necessary and let it be on the record.

     The particular asshat, however, doesn’t really have a dog in this fight.  I wasn’t trying to screw her over in any way, but since her asshat boyfriend felt it was okay to not show up to court, leaving me in a serious bind, I simply felt it was a good idea to stop allowing him to screw me out of $175 a month for all the sites he hosts on my server for the price of one.  And then he doesn’t pay his bill properly, at that.
     Her email was down for a grand total of four hours in the mess, and instead of either of them calling and asking that I turn them back or making any attempt to try and resolve the situation, she starts running her mouth.  Estrogen abuse!

     As I said, her email was down for a grand total of four hours and then I realzed, “Wait, she might actually need that, and it’s not her fault her boyfriend is a dick,” and I turned it back on.

     But apparently, even going that far wasn’t good enough.

     She’s threatening to go to the Better Business Bureau, having her father do the same (yeah, Asshat hosts sites for a bunch of his friends, on my servers, which I pay for, for free!), and then bitches and complains that if I don’t transfer all domains over to them by 12PM, worse things will happen.  Oh, if I don’t burn all their data to DVD and mail it to them by Monday, they’re going to sue me.

     Customers are responsible for their own data backups.  Asshat’s known that forever.  They have the data — they put it up there!  It ain’t like these are friggin’ dynamic, data-driven sites or anything!

     And her, she can’t even figure out how to do a Domain Transfer.

     Sorry, dear, but you don’t DEMAND anything of me.  If you’d asked nicely and either of you had even attempted to be civil, this would’ve turned out a lot different.

     So you people go ahead and go to the BBB — that requires that you were actually doing business with me, which you weren’t.  You all never paid for hosting, anyway.

     And go ahead and sue me — it’s so baseless, that I’d represent myself, and you’d still lose.

     As for the other allegations that I owe him money and crap like that?  You better take that up with your asshat boyfriend.  I don’t owe him a dime — he was paid up with interest and it’s easily proven.  And hey, when I did all that cooking, I bought half the ingredients.  How ’bout that?  And how many times have you people called me for help with everything from moving to car repair to even helping you two sort out your personal problems between each other, what did I do?  I was always right there.
     I asked for one friggin’ thing.  And waiting til the Zero Hour to back out like you both did — and maybe he didn’t bother to tell you, which is his fault, not mine — is pretty reprehensible.

     So much for being my “friends.”

     When you know someone for twenty four friggin’ years, you expect them to show up in court to vouch that certain events happened when they were around two and half years ago.

     I think it’s a pathetic as Hell that at the Zero Hour, I’m told, “Nope, won’t be there.  Don’t worry about it!  You don’t need me there.”

     Yeah, I damn sure did, too.  It was “required” for my case, and I certainly appreciate the way you just cast me aside at the last minute, claiming I never gave you a date — which I certainly did two weeks ago, and then mentioned it again on Saturday.

     I really appreciate you.  That’s a Hell of a way to end a friendship.

     The Wildcat won’t be there, either, apparently.  But at least has somewhat a more reasonable excuse.

     As a small business owner (and having a resume which looks more the like Fortune 500), life can be a little tough.  Ultimately, if you have employees and keep close tabs on things, you’re gonna bear the brunt of every single problem with your company.  And too many times in the last few months, it has absolutely nothing to do with the way things are handled — it has to do with the fact that as we grow, as we start gaining customers from given places in the world (yeah, we do a lot of International work, as well), some people are unforgiving asshats.

     A few years ago, we did a small contract for a foreign company who was attempting to integrate their billing system so that customers could take their bill to any post office in that country and pay their bill.  Unfortunately, the Big Bank didn’t give us any “real” documentation, and none of us had time to fully research it.
     However, we knocked it outta the park.  I personally figured out the funky math involved, and decided it’d be a stupid thing to ever put money into one of their banks.  (Here in the United States, most of us know better than to give out our account numbers and ABN’s anyway…)
     Basically what happened was that we were given an impossible task, screwed with by a Big Bank who didn’t wanna release enough information to actually finish the project, and we ended up getting it done anyway.  To top it off, after reading our Security Audit, it was mentioned by their “process agent” (Lawyer) that if said Big Bank was ever robbed electronically, we’d be the first people to be contacted … Well, us and some Russian-born Frenchman, by name, who’d initially written the code for the job, but they said they’d changed some security protocol stuff (which was rather pathetic) and figured out how the whole bloody system worked…
     End of story, we didn’t get paid for our time.  We were required to keep our mouths shut.  But now, it’s been five years, and I suggest never keeping any money in a foreign bank — too many of them are the same. 

     More recently, I had a client threaten to sue me for being two months late paying his bill.  Oh, and being more than a year late on a bill owed to a partner company.  Somehow, it was my fault that I couldn’t provide service to someone who continued not to pay.
     During a discussion with his “process agent” (Lawyer), I informed him that paying the bill was gonna be far less than the legal fees and court costs to pursue the case, and detailed every bit about why I would win.  Mr. Layer actually agreed, given full evidence.  I further indicated that said customer would end up having to pay the full amount of his bill, at least double that in his own legal fees, and have to pay mine on top of it.  Mr. Lawyer told me that because my case was an open-and-shut, he wouldn’t be pursuing me in court, and would bill his client at two hours of his time at a courtesy.
     I also asked Mr. Lawyer if he would pursue me in court if I blogged about it, and he said, “Feel free, just don’t embarrass anyone.”
     Kudos, Mr. Lawyer.  I’m actually amazed at the professional behavior you displayed today.  Seriously … I meet so few lawyers who are able to listen to logic and reason and come to a conclusion.  Most of them just want to tear someone a new one, regardless of the merits of a case.  So kudos, again, Sir.  You’ve managed to cast your profession in a better light where so few of your consituents can.
     I mean, my lawyer’s an asshole…  *snicker*

     As I was saying, you can, as a business owner, attempt to please everyone.  But sometimes, it’s absolutely impossible.  It takes so much time and energy sometimes to make right a wrong, or make right a perceived wrong that sometimes it’s just not worth it.
     What it comes right down to is, if you’re successful, there’s always gonna be someone standing there to knock you down.  If you’re honest and at least semi-reliable, you’re gonna get screwed at least once … more, if you’re growing.
     No amount of placating, consolation, credit card authorization, contact information or up-close-and-personal-ass-kicking can really “fix” anything if someone doesn’t wanna pay.  You can ruin their credit, have it done to you in return, spend all you want in legal fees, and it’s never gonna help.  You can’t garnish wages in most states…
     You cannot — cannot! — possibly hope to make everyone happy.  You do what you can, you try and fix things, and when they’re not working, you’ve just gotta be duck and pretend they’re water.

     Some customers are selfish.  That’s just a fact of life.  The more you have, the more likely you’re gonna have an “asshole customer.”  It’s a fact, Jack.
     They come to you to make you grovel … to try and think they’re offering you the privilege of taking their money, when in fact, you and your employees are busting your asses to take care of them.

     It is for this reason …

     I am sick to death of being a business owner.  I’ve been doing what I do for 22 years.  I am burnt out.
     I am an excellent Customer Service Representative.  I’m great with concepts, but I just don’t wanna implement any more.  Like most natural-born East Tennesseeans, I have a strong work ethic, and I can do anything.  Seriously, three months, I can figure out any job to a T.  Six months, I’ll have it mastered.  I’m meticulous — even anal at times.  But primarily, I can talk to anyone.

     The first $45K job offer that comes along can have me.  I’d settle for that little to get out from under my job stress, and have the stability.  Although, I know damn well I’m worth helluva lot more … Seriously.
     There’s a contact form … click it if ya’ve got any ideas.