Me: “How can anyone say they love someone and tell that person that they’ll go away if they don’t do exactly what they want?”
     Voice: “That’s not love… it’s control.”
     Me: “How are we supposed to deal with that from other people that we love?”
     Voice: “If they only want to control, the best thing to do is turn your back for a while and give them control of their own lives… if they truly love, they’ll be back.”
     Me: “Kinda like letting children grow up…”
     Voice: “Exactly…”

The Wildcat and the Volunteer are finally together.

Permanently.

I’m moving to Tennessee!

We really found out who our friends were at Mary Breckinridge Hospital — maybe two or three — and the rest can kiss our asses! In Knoxville, Mark’s friends became better friends than I ever had in Leslie County. When they ask you how you’re doing, they really mean it. And when they say they love you, they really mean it, too.

At this moment, we’re right where we need to be. We’re right where we belong. We’re soulmates. Right where God intended us to be, and nobody can keep us apart.

Mark, I love you with all my heart. I’ve never met anyone who’d fight this hard for me. You proved it… you proved your love. Because you stuck by me when no one else would, you showed things that no one else ever has. Your showed me what true love is.

And for that, all I can do is return that and say, thank you so much. 

Kenny Chesney: Better as Memory

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBgNbSA4WdM)

But he finally met somebody he can’t just be a memory to.

Oh, baby… I love you.

Always.

So to all the ladies before me, thank you for moving over so the Wildcat could move in!

     It’s what people strive for, finding that one person who will love them, faults and all.

     And when you find it, you hold on tight, because it’s the best thing you’ll ever know.

     Me: “I can’t ask her to move away from everything she knows…”
     Voice: “Two hours is a short drive. especially when you meet in the middle.“

     Me: “What if it all falls down again?”
     Voice: “Don’t let you head rule your heart.  Follow your instincts.“

     Me: “I’m stressed… I can’t think when I’m stressed.”
     Voice: See the light at the end of the tunnel?
     Me: “Yes… Good, it’s almost over…”
     Voice: Steady your course, slowly.  It could be an oncoming train.
     Me: “And this helps me how?  I told you I’m stressed…”
     Voice: Slow down…

     Voice: If you’re always looking at what’s behind you, how will you ever see where you’re going?  Here’s to shrugging off the old and embracing the new without worry, fear or regret.  Change is change … it’s what you make of it that matters.

     Me: ”That could’ve turned out better.”

     Voice: “So could everything.”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “I need something…”

     Voice: “Grab it.”

     Me: “I can’t…”

     Voice: “Then you don’t need it.”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “They keep trying to force a situation…”

     Voice: “Let it ride…”

     Me: “I can’t.”

     Voice: “Then they won.”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “Damn, what am I supposed to do now?”

     Voice: “What do you want to do?”

     Me: “Talk…”

     Voice: “Has that been working?”

     Me: “No…”

     Voice: “…”

     Me: “I listened, too.”

     Voice: “…”

        .
        .
        .

     Me: “I just keep getting in over my head…”

     Voice: “Remember how to swim?”

     Me:  Hmmm… This is a great plan, but how do I…

     Voice:  Start by not questioning.  Finish by doing it.

In general, women are emo-kids in adult wrappers.  At least I am, and I know alot of other women (my age, younger and older) that are the same way. 

Everybody has baggage.  By the time you make it into your mid-30’s, if you don’t have baggage, you must not have been doing a very good job at having a life.  Many folks, men and women, by the mid-30’s have been married, had children and (in many cases) suffered through an ugly divorce or split with a significant other.

I for one have dished out my fair share (if not much, much more) of questions as to whether my significant other really loves me.  I’ve tried to push him away several times, because it’s easier to let go and hurt a little than to really fall in love and get hurt ALOT in the end.

 Why did I hit him with the ever present question, “Do you love me?”  “Why do you love me?”????

Because I had a life, a past.  And the experience wasn’t all good.  Not that my life was stricken with hardship on a constant basis, but I was married to a man who had no clue about anything but drugs and video games.   Yes, I chose to stay in it a lot longer than was advised.  Yes, I could have packed up and left.  But, I married him, and I was hellbent to stick with it or die.  He was nice to me when he wanted something from me.  Otherwise, he said little and did even less.

Then I grew up.  I realized it wasn’t healthy and I had to get out.  So, I got out.   But I found out I had trust issues when I finally jumped.  My significant other has NEVER done the first thing to make me think he’s going to hurt or leave me.  He has never done anything but open doors for me and treated me like I am his equal.

Could I accept that?  Simply put, no. 

I ass-u-me (d) that there was no man out there that is genuine.  There was no man out there that could really love me, for rowdy old me.  There was no man out there that really would ask how my day went just because he wanted to share a few minutes together after work.  ETC, ETC, ETC…..  the list could go on forever.

A woman wants to be happy with a man.  Companionship, intimacy… yes, please.  But sometimes getting her to accept that not all men are the same is a real challenge.  Even if she knows it’s true.  Her past may be a horrible, scary monster that must be slayed before she can go on.  It can be done if there is room to work on these things in the relationship.  If not, it’s doomed, go on.

Men can carry the same baggage, but due to ego and other manly things, it may not be as apparent.