I slept.

     Until 8:30AM I slept.

     That hasn’t happened in a long time. 

     There’s a better sleep-aid….

     “Take one Wildcat as needed for insomnia.”

     I look forward to filling that prescription again….

     Also works for depression, pain, mood swings, anexiety, etc. …

     And yes, I admit, I’m addicted…

     My insomnia is now going on two and a half months.

     Everything looks funny, but I’m not laughing much.

     Most nights, I don’t get more than two or three hours of sleep, if I get any.

     Last night, I didn’t sleep at all.

     Pills don’t work.

     Alcohol does sometimes.

     My Wildcat certainly has a sedative effect…

     I could pass out for days…

     Last night was rough.  I didn’t sleep well, thanks to a psychotic cat — an obnoxiously loud cat who constantly whines for food and will not shut up — who insisted that running about the place at full chase and jumping on me with all four sets of claws was a good idea.
     It so was not…

     When I did finally wake and venture into the land of the living, it truly seemed that everyone was in a bad mood.  Of the thirty-four people who I spoke to today, only four didn’t jump right in the middle of my ass.  Thus, I decided to ignore the outside world altogether, come home, write some music and catch up on some coding projects that I’ve been putting off for some time.
     After getting two sites completed — which were really tough, mind you — the thought crossed my mind that, “Computers are sometimes more forgiving than people.”  The third site was just midbogglingly complex.  It was simply too much for me to wrap my muddled head around today, so I quickly revised my theory.

     This weekend, I requested the observance of a new, annual Holiday on February 20th.  I really do hope that “Quit Trying to Make Mark Steel Have a Bad Day Day” is a success, because I’m under a lot of pressure right now.
     In addition to a lot of ridiculously extreme, external bullshit going on lately, last Friday marked the twelve year anniversay of the death of one of my best friends.  This Thursday, February 21st, marks the one year Anniversary of the death of another.
     I know for sure that if those two were still around, one of ‘em would be kicking some peoples’ asses for buggin’ me, and the other would be joining in, all the while laughing maniacally and inciting a veritable cornucopia of other could-be-ass-kickers to assist!
     Yes, I miss those crazy bitches.  I really do.  Unquestionably, they were crazy bitches.  And if you think they’d get offended at that, all you’d've had to do was ask them.  They’d laugh in your face. 

     So, yeah, you could say I’m a little introspective today, but it’s not sadness, per se.  On days like these, I tend to evaluate what’s important to me and what’s not.  Right now, there’s a single issue that’s important to me: Thursday night, my Wildcat and I are gonna be able to hold each other and relax.  The mere promise of that one, simple event keeps my spirits up.

     Tomorrow, though, I’m gonna observe “Quit Trying to Make Mark Steel Have a Bad Day Day,” with “Quit Trying to Make My Wildcat Have a Bad Day Day” running along side it.  And I hope the world celebrates “Quit Trying to Make Fill-In-Your-Name-Here Have a Bad Day Day” with us, too, because dammit, sometimes we all need a break!

     I think it’s a worthy, humanitarian cause.

     I mean, for fucksakes…

     Not to sound like Rodney King or nothin’, but…

     Can’t we all just get along?

     I mean, except for this friggin’ cat.

     I may strangle her just so I can get some sleep.

     All the “stress” of the last several weeks is finally resolved.

     The court has declared that my part in this is over.  I’ve gotten some much-needed vindication.
     A couple of my friends were able to observe some ridiculous perjuries by the so-called “Christians” on the witness stand.  It’s really comforting when people you know — who’ve experienced some events with you — get to see how others will lie and twist things, regardless of being under a sworn oath.  It’s even better when a Judge noticies their inconsistencies and calls them out on it.
     And, to top it all off, I have some angry, post-court telephone messages which will certainly come in handy should any of this situation ever arise again.  They’re indicative both of the perjuries, and some sick minds.
     Why, it’s a stress-freeing trifecta!

     Needless to say, last night’s the first time in a while I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep.  This morning, I am rejuvinated!

     A special “thank you” goes out to a lot of friends, both old and new, for offering an ear, not asking questions, trying to cheer me up, etc.  Mostly, I thank them just for being there.

     And now that’s done … I’m late for an on-site call… heh

     Man, it’s 4AM and I’m still wide awake.  And I mean, mow the yard with a push-mower awake.

     It’s just not right.

     I’ve had this insomnia for … well … yeah, just more than a year.  Can’t sleep, no matter how hard I try.  Maybe it started as the restlessness of impending doom.
     Lovely people like to tell me, “It’s guilt that keeps you up at night!”  But it certainly isn’t guilt, and I just tell them, “Thanks!”

     Now, it’s the same thing.  No guilt.  More frustration. 
     A couple of weeks ago, I was prescribed Lunesta.  Nice one.  Calms my mind.  Makes me speak in coherent sentences.  Makes me dream, and remember.  I like that.
     But it sure as Hell doesn’t put me to sleep.

     I need sleep.

     Real sleep.