Tonight, I got a random Yahoo invite from someone I don’t know.  I don’t answer anything from people I don’t know.  Hell, it’s hard enough to get me to answer them from people I do know.
     But the amusing part about this one was that the invite was from someone named “fungal4u” with a bunch of numbers at the end.

     You got it … I won’t even respond to someone named “fun gal 4 u” … But prior to hitting, “Mark as Spam,” I couldn’t help but respond.

     “I don’t talk to fungus.”

     I mean, what a brilliantly thought out name.  Fungal, as in about, or pertaining to, fungus.  

     That struck me as almost as clever as when Experts Exchange had their original domain, “expertsexchange.com” — for those who want the very best Sex Change.  *rolls eyes*

     I do tend to deal with a lot of people who aren’t native English speakers.  A lot of times, I tend to learn their particular pidgins and respond back in kind so that they understand, because sometimes their English skills just aren’t good enough to “get it.”

     Back in ‘95, I had a computer store.  I answered the phone one day to a Taiwanese customer.
     “Herro, Ma’k?  I having probrem.  Have computer, cannot get hard on.”
     *muffled laughter*  “Umm, it won’t turn on?”
     “No, cannot get hard on.”
     *laughter less muffled*  “I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying.  You cannot get a hard on?”
     “Haha, very fun!  No, cannot get hard on.”
     *laughing*  “Umm, that sounds like a personal problem.”  *turns on speaker phone*
     “No, Ma’k, have computer, computer on, no hard on.”
     *laughing hard*  “Are you on the Internet?”
     “No, cannot get hard on!  Come now!”
     *laughing hysterically* “I can send one of the girls over.”
     “You makey joke!  I no get hard on!  Send Robin!  Haha, very fun!”

     Anyway, as it turns out, the computer itself, which he mistakenly called the “hard drive,” would not turn on.  And it was due to bad wiring in the building.  But… Whatever…

     A repeat today, with a similar situation, left me fumbling for words when trying to speak to anyone else.  Typing was, of course, right out.

I taking they making wiper fluid for race cars?
Oh, God.
My English is suffering horrible.
This is what I get for talking to Chinese clients.
My English going Hell to the basket.

     Now I have to do a BIOS update … but can no find froppy dick.

     Lately, numerous people from a particular Kentucky county have seemed to inundate this blog with ridiculous slanders, accusations and threats due to the site being linked from a popular gossip website.
     The reason I say “seemed to inundate” is because this situation is not new.  I’ve had to deal with these sorts of comments on a daily basis for many months.  I just finally got sick of deleting them every day and leaving everything unsaid.  I also get sick of the same sorts of crap on my business telephone.  It has gotten to the point that if I don’t get at least two death threats a day from people in, or connected to, that particular Kentucky county, I begin to consider that the chore of putting up with it may be over.
     Of course, the next day, when it all starts again, my hopes are dashed.

     In the course of these discussions, I referred to the residents of Leslie County, Kentucky as “fungus” and “cockroaches.”  I would like to apologize for my severe lack of control when making these comments, because even though they were said in retaliation, it’s no excuse for me to lose my temper in that manner.

     It was an unfair comparison.  Especially to fungus and cockroaches everywhere.  And to these lower life forms, I apologize.

Answer:

     I started to leave this as a comment on Glenn’s blog, but then I remembered the video that just had to go along with it…

     Now, if Glenn and I merged companies, and then brought Doug McCaughan into the fold, as well, there would be absolute mayhem with a grand total of six people to aid in the office devastation.

     Doug could teach everyone to juggle… While I sit back, exhaling cigarette smoke into rather complicated balloon animals, and tossing out lewd remarks…

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDxEHg7Pdvg)

     …about you guys “playing with your balls.”

     Ya know… Strangely, it’s not an altogether horrible idea… Especially if we also brought in the other evil genius, Anton, with his high voltage Nerf Vulcan…

     Of course, judging by everything I’ve seen and heard tonight, I am the only person who’s still SOBER at 1AM on New Year’s…

     So a Public Service Announcement to everyone east of Colorado (because, hey, who cares about those people west of Colorado, anyway, right? *snicker*):

     Please be safe and don’t start out your New Year with a Drunk and Disorderly, a DUI or a Vehicular Homicide. 

     In other words, don’t get f*%$ed while getting f*%$ed up.  Unless you’re f*%$ing while f*%$ed up.

     So, you all have your fun, and I’ll just keep sitting here NOT f*%$ing OR getting f*%$ed up.

     kthnx.

     Happy New Year.

Two hores ago we blassed in New Year 2009 while laughing our asses off at freezing tempartures in Knoxvillle, TN and Washington, District of Conspiracy while were out under the thatch wiht plenty of tiki torhc lights!

So Haoppy New Rear from the Caribean where its nice and warm and white women dance funny because they all dirnk too much!

Now we go start NEw Year out with a bang!

     I had work to do today, run a bunch of errands, and do some laundry.

     Everywhere I went had the foul odor of baby shit.

     It actually gave me a complex.

     I checked my shoes and my ass. 

     It wasn’t me. 

     Why do parents take their children out like that, for all day shopping sprees, and never have the decency to change a diaper? 

     Sorry to all you on-the-go mothers out there, but I really don’t feel like smelling your kid’s poop… You had six months to do Holiday shopping (they started it in July this year for fucksakes!) and the rest of us having to put up with your Holiday Poo-Fest is even more rude than having to put up with your Demolition Derby tactics in the parking lot and Shopping Cart Homicide at the checkouts…

     You’ve even managed to put me off my hummus…

     Of course, I can’t say much about the fathers, either.  I’ve never seen so many kids on leashes… Like that’s not going to turn them totally kinky when they hit their mid-40’s….

     And what the fuck are you people taking your kids shopping for, anyway?  “You can’t have it til Christmas” is considered cruel and unusual punishment in many areas.  So for a week before Christmas, they’re bursting with excitement, and know exactly what they’re going to get…

     Great, ruin the element of surprise and create severe agitation all at once!  They’ll be book-phobic, cheating at video games and popping ritalin like candy before you know it!

     Yeah, Happy Fucking Holidays, you bastards!

     What’s more damaging: a couple of asshats who doesn’t pay you, or someone attacking your reputation?

     Today I had two asshats who didn’t pay me.  One of them was just being a typical asshat, with the same old boring excuses for being a deadbeat.  The other came up with an elaborate story about how they installed incompatible software four days after I was in the system, but because it broke the other software and they didn’t bother to notify me that it was broken, and there was nothing in the logs about it being broken, that I owed them a two hour fix for free with no explanation of the situation before I went into fixing it other than, “It’s broke.”

     No, see, that stuff doesn’t bother me… I’m used to it, as pissed as it makes me.

     It was a third one that really stuck in my craw because it’s unfathomable:

“He ran across your site and you had some stuff on there that made it sound like you were racist… said he wouldn’t give you a penny for a day’s work.”

     WTF? Exqueeze me?

     No, seriously, that’s what kept me so worked up when I lived in Kentucky those three months… I couldn’t go five minutes without some asshat making up total horse pucky, and attempting to circumvent every single good thing I tried to do.  Everything became a damn conspiracy, and I was behind every bit of it!
     So I pressed about HTF he could come up with I’m sounding “like a racist” …

“Well damn I voted wrong” … like it is some sexual reference to Kenyan women

     O.  M.  F.  G.

     So somebody claims I’m a racist, goes the extra mile to say they wouldn’t give me “a penny for a day’s work” because they’re too ignorant to know a couple of premium, dark coffee beans, instead turning it into something that even an overly-sensitive, extremely jealous girlfriend — or ex-girlfriend, wife, stalker, nutjob next door — couldn’t twist it into if she tried?

     Wow.

     Let’s just say, just to even attempt to make any logic out of such a ridiculous assertion, that even if it had been a “sexual reference to Kenyan women,” how the Hell could that possibly make me a racist?

     Unless he’s totally against racial mixing… thus making him…

     A white trash cracker!

     Oh, and there’s a meal I detest: a venison round steak (medium well), canned corn and canned green beans.

     Apparently, that makes me a racist, too.

     [ he says, as he laughs his way to the kitchen for seconds of injera, gored-gored and quince ]