I am pissed.  Really PISSED.

     Alright, so I moved to this tiny, insignificant small town to be with a woman who I love more than live itself. 

     I still do.

     So, after moving to Hyden, KY and working for a sister company of Mary Breckinridge Hospital:

1. I have had someone try and charge me rent for the “closet” I lived in at $250 a month.
2. I have had the people I am supposed to be working with screw me in never giving me enough access to do my job.
3. I have had her family tell me to “drive away, and never come back again.”
4. I have had resistance after resistance when trying to train these people how to do things in such a way that it miht be helpful to both them AND the patients.
5. I have to put up with someone running aroudn town telling people I am beating the shit out of my Wildcat on a daily basis.
6. I have had my job being threatened by people who aren’t hospital emplyees, nor health providers, saying that I would be fired if I did not give them access to personal health records,  Thanks to Frank Baker and Connie Norris, the recipient of social security numbers, addresses, phone numbers, etc. of pateients without their knowlege.
7. I found out who kept giving Connie Norris access to the afforementioned records — John Hoskins, son of the esteemed womanizing-yet-prize-employee Norman Hoskins — and turned it in to my boss at the Clinics, Ben Peak.
8. I have been gossip[ped about that I beat my Wildcat on a daily basis.  (I took the joke, and said, “Goddan, I take a break on weekends!”)
9. I have been accused of criminal trespassing when going to see my family doctor.
10. I have been threatened of my life for showing up to pick up my personal belongings.  By the way, you assholes at MBH owe me EVERYTHING that was in that notebook case — not just a frew checks and paystubs.  You owe me what was under and on my desk, too, dickheads,  Severak thousand.  You ready?

     At some point, this fucking drama in Leslie County, Kentukcy has to stop.

     Even the Police Department, County Attorney’s Office, and even the Kentucky State Police have been embroiled in this mess.  FOR WHAT?  I HAVEN”T DONE ANYTHING WRONG!
     Leslie County pussies.
     You wanna use the Cops to do your dirty work, and eventually the police officers and judges are going to get sickand tired of your bullshit.  Get that, Randy?

     I have also been accused of endangering the life of My Wildcat.

     I love this woman with all my heart.

     I’ve lost my job, I’ve lost my things, I’ve lost my dignity, and for fucksakes —- WHAT FOR?

     Bullshit.

     And THAT is why I was so happy when Pizza Dave decided to push me for a change.

     He didn’t use the cops to do his dirty work.

     He was a MAN.

     It’s bad enough the people in that fucking town are lying, backstabbing pieces of shit.  I’d just hope they do it somewhere else. 

     I have a GHOST-clean record.  I do NOT need you assholes in that county trying to pull dirty tricks to use the Cops to do the dirty work you should have the BALLS to do yourself.

     And for my family, who I miss like mad, I love you.  I love every damn one of you.

     No matter what you think.

     As for MBH, they admitted to a hospital for a panic attack.  They fired me, without my knowlege, in the meantime.  Cancelled my insurance.

     Took my notebook.  Sure, it was a work notebook.  But the case contained:

1. My Glasses
2. My Contacts
3. My contact solution and case
4. My Stratitec card reader
5. My Stratictec USB hub
6. My copy of Windows VIsta Ultimate OEM (from Ebay)
7. My copy of Office Ultimate OEM (from Ebay)
8. My Intel Webcam Pro
9. My Corssover network cable
10. My 8′ Network Cable
11. My 25′ Network Cable
12. My USB Docking Station (Kingstong, I believe)
13. My personal notebook (a ring-bound notebook, black with copper spring)
14. Multiple business cards
15. Multiple post-it notes, some non-work related
16. A $50 Starbucks Gift Card
17. A couple sticks of 1GB DDR-400 Memory
18. A Sandisk Cruzer 8GB Titatnium with all my IMPORTANT stuff on it?
19. A couple of Lexar 512MB keys
20. A couple of Lexar 256MB keys
21. Multiple offbrand 64-256MB keys (at least 4)
22. My CD case full of Microsoft install disdks/

     Atop my desk?

1. An Intel Quad-Core 2.4 CPU, OEM
2. A Coolermaster CPU fan for the above
3. 2 BFG 8800 GTX PCI/E Video Cards
4. 4 Gigs of DDR2-1066 Memory
5. An ATI Video Card for a Dell Notebook
6. A large, silver N-Force Coffee Cup
7. 1 Cannister of Folgers Black Silk (given by a co-worker as a birthday prent)
8. A $15 Starbucks Gift Card (given by a co-worker)
9. Multiple businesss cards, post-it notes and personal items

     They did send me a box containing:

1. Ny glasses
2. My contacts (some)
3. My contact case
4. SOME of my expensse checks
5. SOME of my mail
6. The $15 Starbuck’s card

     Fuck Hyden, Kentucky,

     Theives,

     I have also been deprived of my personal belongings, having been threatened of my life, by one Alan Osborne, boyfriend of esteemed psychotic former landlord — and daughter of Mary Brechkinridge Hospital administrator, Connie Hubbard —- but, hey … None of that’s illegal in Leslie County, is it?

     You assholes stole my things.  You fired me illegally.  You haven’t given me paperwork one. 

     And you think that’s ok?

     And you call the cops when I come around trying to figure out what’s going on?

     Thanks, Randy North.

     Don’t you think they’ll get tired of that soon?

     I am clean.  Totally. 

     Bring it on, Asshat!  I never even HEARD you didn’t want me there til you called the COPS, asshat!  You think they enjoy wasting THEIR time on your bullshit?

     I love Ann, My Wildcat.  It’s not in me to abuse her like she always was.

     I did, however, break a wheel in trying to drive her back to the hospital we worked at during one of her panic attacks. 

     And if that’s cause for alarm.  Fuck Leslie County REAL hard.

     But it’s certainly not enough to embroil me in this caustic bullshit that seems to propagate from nothing.

     As for what went on between me and my Wildcat, she screamed.  I got scared.  I asked her to get out, and she wouldn’t.  I panicked.  I have panic attacks now.  Thanks, Leslie Country.  But I got her safely to a parking lot — safely after I hit a curb in trying to go where she wanted.  But I got her there because I couldn’t go where I wanted to — back to the hospital, where she wanted to be.
     I got admitted there against my will, where one Dr. Lauff, upon asking him for an apologiy called me a “fuckass” and told me he didn’t owe me “anything.”  Then I cussed him up one side and down the other — yet Leslie County says I attacked and cussed him and was being disrespectful?
     Fuck Leslie County.

     Fuck MBH.

     MBH fired me.  MBH fired my Wildcat.

     For shit that DIDN’T EVEN HAPPEN THERE.

     I love you, Ann. 

     I love you, Jerry, Steph and Dale.

     Fuck those people.

     We all deserve better.

     And, Mary-Mary, if you open your fucking mouth one more time, you’re inviting a slander suit, bitch.  I heard that today from someone else — Not good, deary.  We’ll both gang you in court.

      Just like you Leslie County people like it….

      In court, and legal …

      Like it isn’t.

      I miss you, Junior.  You could see the bullshit.  But I promised my Wildcat I’d I’d never put her against her family.   And I meant it.  You were a father to me where I never had one.

I have had gay friends all my adult life. I have been comfortable with homosexuality for a long time. A few things lately have made it clear to me that a lot of people have very little understanding of homosexuality. I want to make a few points clear.

People are born gay or straight. Many people grow up hiding their sexuality for various reasons, but the fact that they announce they are gay after they are adults, or even after they have had spouses and children does not change the fact that they were gay when they were born. They don’t get converted or victimized into it. Nor do they choose it. It is a very difficult thing they usually struggle with for years before they admit it. They choose when they call themselves gay, but not when they are gay.

This is extremely difficult for many to deal with because it means God created gay people as gay and yet, we are all told God hates homosexuality. To believe people are born gay is to believe that God is a liar or something. What do you do?

The answer is that we live in a very different time than when the Bible was written.  Some things are as true today as they were 4,000 years ago, but many things are not. We don’t take laws set down by God concerning donkeys to literally apply only to donkeys. Things change. In this case, we now know that homosexuality is an inherited trait as much as red hair or black skin. They didn’t know that a couple thousand years ago. Times change. Things change. We have knowledge they didn’t. It doesn’t nullify God’s Law, it amends it. And it gives us the chance to be more righteous and good than the saints and the prophets.

The good news is, homophobic men don’t have to worry any longer that they will turn gay from a hit on the head or perhaps a drunken fling with another gay. You’re straight, get over it.

A lot of very dumb things are perpetrated because of this lack of understanding. Many people are trying to limit knowledge of homosexuality as a means to limit homosexuality itself. They think that if people know about it, it creates it. The truth is, people are gay, and some know what they are and some don’t. When they find out that what they are is gay and there are millions of other gay people, they are relieved and announce what they have always been. To the paranoid outsider they imagine that the knowledge created the homosexuality. That’s as true as finding out that there is something called hiccups and realizing you have them and they are normal. Knowing about hiccups didn’t cause hiccups, it gave it a name and a context.

This is the issue of our time. It is the Jim Crowe era for gay people. They can’t have the legal protections and rights others take for granted. They are ridiculed without consideration. They are mistreated. They are discriminated against. They can work their entire lives with a partner and end up with no rights to share in their life in terms of inheritence, etc. as they would were they straight and married. All these things happen because of the way they were born. Same as skin color. They had no choice and would likely have made a different one if they could. And so they are mistreated because of how God made them.

Be glad you were not born gay in these times. Just as there was a time when simply being born black in this country was going to be a struggle against society, today, being born gay makes you an instant victim.

And much as in those segregation times, the people who have the strongest feelings against gay people, have not been around them. My growing up with black people in my schools and churchs and as my peers and friends made it impossible for me to be a racist as my parents generation was. Having many gay friends lets me see how normal it is and I can’t imagine a reason to treat them as less than equal humans and citizens. But for those who live where no one dares come out of the closet, they are free to continue to imagine that gay people are some monster to be fought. It’s the same way in the all white counties of this country where racism continues to be passed down without being contradicted by the existence of people of color in their lives.

     Remember this one?

The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.”

The doctor says, “Then don’t do that.”

     An old joke that we’ve all heard a billion times, and proof that Henny Youngman will never die.

     But seriously …

     When I try and deal with certain problems, it does nothing but create a Hell-storm.

     Yesterday, in order to try and move forward with my life, and hopefully help her to do the same, I dug around a little too much and actually managed to locate a woman who is, through some fault of her own and some fault of mine, making our lives a living Hell.  As usual, she just ripped me a new one, reminded me of every single thing I ever did wrong, and got me all worked up and depressed again.
     I honestly can’t handle it, can’t handle dealing with her at all, and simply haven’t since earlier last year.  That was probably the wrong thing to do on my part.
     For me, the pain caused by it all is one thing: I couldn’t keep the promises I made to her.  It was impossible, because by the end, I was so depressed, I just wanted to stop living.
     It’s been two years, trying to get the situation resolved and keep us out of each others’ hair forever.  Yet, every single attempt to do so has led to failure.  Every time I deal with her, it puts me right back there again, where I feel completely and totally hopeless.

     So Henny Youngman’s immortal joke comes to mind again…

The patient says, “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.”

The doctor says, “Then don’t do that.”

     But in the meantime, neither of us can move on until it gets resolved.

     I can’t deal with it any more.  She can’t deal with it any more.

     And if the two of us are honest, and truly think about everything we’ve lost, we should know that we don’t owe each other anything except:

     …to have the chance to go forward and move on.

     I swear, that’s all I wanna do, and I’ll wish her well, leave it and be done with it, because the hate and accusations and bullshit and ridiculous requests have been are too much to deal with.  Neither of us are happy, and we deserve little happiness.

     Maybe, after thinking about it, she’ll come around.

     I hope she does.

     Ya know, I’ve gone through my life trying to be conscientous, going out of my way to do things for other people, and trying to do the right thing.  Sure, like everyone else, I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and really screwed some things up — but I always tried to avoid doing things out of malice and anger.  Sometimes it could not be helped, and I picked myself up and carried on, made amends where they were possible, and really made an effort when I couldn’t.
     When an altercation happens, I try not embarrass or demean people who I care about — or cared about — further by talking a whole bunch of bullshit to everyone and their brother that I’ll have to go back and apologize for later.  Feelings get hurt too easily, and you embarrass yourself in the process if you’ve misrepresented the situation and had to go back on it.

     It is for that reason, and that reason alone, that I tend to keep a lot of the “specifics” of situations to myself.  And sure, I’ve screwed that up a few times, but all in all, I live my life simply, and with a clear conscience.

     And when it so happens that someone knows me pretty well, they’re able to manipulate that part of my character in order to make others believe that I’m some sort of Monster.  It takes a truly sick mind to use that sort of thing to say, “Oh, look, he’s not denying it!  I told you it was true!”
     And it takes a special sort of stupid to believe it, to blindly follow a tale which makes absolutely no sense, and is such a departure from the truth that it wouldn’t even be believable in a made-for-Lifetime-TV movie.

     I am not a Monster.  I have never done anything but try and help certain people, and nearly every time, it has turned out badly.  Other times, I have simply done nothing, which for some people is the absolutely worst thing I could have possibly done.
     But when someone wants to bitch and argue and start a whole bunch of crap, I usually tend to retreat and wait for it to blow over.  And, apparently, this a bad thing, too.

     I am probably going to start blogging about this crap, because it’s been a pain in my ass my entire life, and I’ve absolutely had it with the whole lot.

     And let there be no confusion from any self-victimized ‘tards with delusions of grandeur that I’m “screwing” with them all the time when I’m not: I’m not talking about any bloggers, wives, girlfriends, friends, employees or anyone else except except one very specific specific group.  I don’t care about that drama, because as hard of some of that stuff was to go through at the time, it doesn’t matter, it’s not my drama and I have no emotional attachment to it.  When it’s over, I walk away, done.

     No … I’m talking about Family.

     Two extremely large families, actually, with a literal cast of thousands.

     The ones that I share DNA with.  Or don’t, considering some of the stories.  *rolls eyes*

     It’s time to set the record straight once and for all.

     What started this?

     For the last three weeks, several of them have called me asking for my help.  They need my help and advice, or my expertise.  Nevermind that I’ve helped them my entire life, and been nothing but shit on for it in the absolute worst ways.
     They re-use their vicious lies.  Things that everyone knew was a lie twenty years ago suddenly come back into play as evidence of the new improved lie.  As a nasty little mob, they absolutely villify the object of their hatred with the most vile and disgusting slanders imaginable, never asking my side of the story and having no absolutely no regard for the verifiable truth of the situation.

     And now, after a full year of giving me the silent treatment and stabbing me in the back with their vicious lies, they call me for my help, advice and expertise?  Without so much as an apology?

     Yeah, I’m pissed, and when I calm down, I might change my mind about blogging anything more specific.  But right now, I have five instances in Draft where they’ve done some heinous crap, and a sixth which ties all five together into the biggest, steaming pile of poo I can think of — the kind of absolute bullshit that can ruin a person’s life.

     And I’m going to excercise the self-control they never had and keep it to myself until I calm down.

     But at the same time … this stuff’s been eating away at me for far too long.  They’ve tried to instill their spiteful, vengeful, righteous hatred into me my entire life, and I’ve resisted.  It’s taken a serious toll on me, both physically and mentally.
     I wear my heart on my sleeve.  Everyone around me can see when I get stressed and preoccupied — “Mark, what’s wrong?” and I’ve replied with “Ahhh, nothing….” or blown some stupid pet peeve out of proportion — and I’m honestly beggining to think that I’m losing the battle.

     Maybe it’s time to really set it straight once and for all … 

     …. with names, with witnesses …

     With Verifiable Proof…

     And what will they do when that God they claim to follow won’t help them?  Why should He keep them out of the mess they’ve made?

     Or am I supposed to sit here and do the right thing again and ignore it until the next time, when it will undoubtedly be worse?

     Mmhmm … Decisions, decisions.

     Maybe I should flip a coin…

     Maybe twice …

     Best two outta three …

     Hrm …

     Yeah, this might take a friggin’ book…

     And the funny thing is — I’ll be calm in an hour.

     Minding my own business (putting the last minute touches on a Interworx backup script), when I get another pathetic e-mail, complete with personal attacks:

From: “Michael aka Capt. Howdy”
Date: August 3rd, 2007 7:13PM EDT 

i was interested in [HerNameRemovedToSaveEmbarrassment] but after see that she went out with u i relise how bad her taste in men is. i mean what exactly does athletic mean thses days? and are women really attracted to receding hairlines? and 2 think i used to like older women. i mean you’ve got bi written all over you. your really in touch arnt ya? if i ran into you on the street id make sure to watch my asshole. you kinda look like a craked out tony soprano. well was fun messin with ya, and isnt it a shame u cant do anything abut what i just said. lol chump

     Wow.  The only reason you’d have to “make sure to watch” your “asshole” is because your head’s planted so firmly up it.  What else could you possibly see from that position, besides whatever you didn’t chew up quite well enough the night before?

     It really shows superior bravery — hiding behind a monitor, keyboard and a fake name — spouting off that kind of trash because I happened to go out with someone you were interested in, doesn’t it?  Ever think maybe the reason she didn’t out with you is because you’re a complete and total asshat?

     I lead a public life, “chump.”  I actually go out most nights, I meet women, I speak to them, and sometimes — Ooooh, ahhh!  ;-)  I’m guessing you don’t get the chance often… I mean, it’s kinda hard when you’re sitting at home stroking your keys… *cough*

     And really, asshat … You misspelled “seeing,” “you,” “realize,” “these,” “to,” “aren’t,” “I’d,” “cracked” and “messin’/messing.”  
     Get past the second grade much?
     They usually teach you what SHIFT key is for after the third…

     I do wonder who I‘ve pissed off to deserve all of this…  But hey, I’m on the way out the door, anyway, so who gives a damn, right?  *grin*

     More fuel … Bring it on. 

     Apparently, someone decided to slash my tire today, sometime after 10AM today, at my home… Zacque, being the photographer that he is (and having superior equipment), got a nice picture of it… In the rain, even, with crappy lighting…

     I have to consider four things about this:  A) Mine was the only tire slashed; B) there’s never any traffic when I come home; C) Exactly two people know where I live (outside of a very close-knit circle of friends who are considered family, and they value my privacy as much as their own); D) I know exactly where Person #2 was between 10AM & 4:30PM when the problem was discovered.

     If I had actually done anything to anyone to deserve the kind of crap that’s been going on lately, I’d take my lumps.

     But since I haven’t …

     Circumstantial proof is difficult without a preponderance of it…  So, I say, “Hey!  Bring it on!” 

     Besides, maybe now I’ll save some money on gas… *grin*

     Tonight, I’ve had to put up with no less than forty text messages from a specific number.  Since 7PM.  I’m really getting sick of it, especially after coming back to my phone at 11:30PM and finding 14 new messages.

     “Your [sic] a(n) asshole/cheater/loser/liar”
     “Why dont [sic] you want to talk about things”
     “SLIMEBAG CHEATER GO TO HELL”
     “____ was my friend first until you turned them against me”
     “I HOPE YOU GET AIDS AND DIE”

     Mind you, I’ve had a busy night.  I certainly don’t feel I should have to put up with crap like that.  Eventually, I’m gonna respond… asking them to stop sending me this crap, to leave me the Hell alone.
     Like anyone, you press my buttons long enough, I’m gonna respond.  The more you press, the more pissed off I’m gonna get.

     I nailed back three hard —

     “Stop f*#&ing messaging me.”
     “No … f*#& off.”
     “Enough is enough.  Stop it NOW.”

     I’ve been more than patient.  And I certainly don’t expect to start getting BS responses like:

     “Quit texting me!”
     “Leave me the f&$* alone!”

     Some people need to get lives.

     They should start by getting off the Internet a few hours a day…  The real world can be quite … titillating.

     Once you say, it’s out there.

     Doesn’t matter if it’s a blog, a conversation with a mentor, a friend, a wife, a lover, a random asshat, or a random idiot screaming about the how the death of Lady Diana affected him on a personal level so deeply that it affected the way he thought about life, the Universe and Everything …

     Sometimes it’s better to just back away …

     Get your thoughts together …

     And if you can’t … or they can’t …

     There’s always tomorrow …

     Sometimes.  *shrug*

[ Note: This is Diva's first Monday Melee, published on 11-Jun-2007 ]

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
I hate haters. I’m sarcastic and all, but I don’t really hate anyone. I just think some people are completely ignorant and should wear a cone-dork hat all the time.

But people who hate everybody and everything (generally for no reason at all) annoy me greatly. Two words: hater blockers. You can find them at your corner store, reasonably priced, of course.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
Until proven otherwise, the voice on my voice mail the other night was really an extremely good impression of a female voice. Had I not known better, I would have thought it was really a chick leaving me that message.

UPDATE:  Diva has found out that Diva is way off.  I should be whipped with a wet noodle for spreading such rumors without concrete proof.  I admit it.  I was wrong.   I’m sorry.  Forgive a Diva, won’tcha?

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
I am honestly unhappy with my daddy right now. I love him so much, I really do. And this may sound hateful, but I can’t help it.

He is drinking himself to death. No matter how much I love him, talk to him, beg him, get mad at him, ignore him, taxi him, and try to care for him… he just won’t knock it off. And I’ll be honest. I’m pissed about it. I’d like to have him around for a while. He’s not that old, but he’s diggin his own grave on drink at a time. If I was doing an asshat of the day post, he’s a prime target.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
I give that salesman at Lance Cunningham Ford credit for sucking my man into buying that damn truck after I had a tissy fit over it. Good for him.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
I may not have all the money in the world. I may not be able to give my kids all the crap that I’d like to give them. But I give them what’s really important. I love them.

So, I guess the answer is I’m a kick ass mama that would go through hell and high-water for her kiddies.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
I wish that all of the many parts of my life would come together, for one fleeting moment even, and I could have that happy, content feeling inside. Pretty damn big wish I suppose.

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

While this guy isn’t specifically saying that God Hates, this is the sort of asshat the pisses me off. This guy and the others that infest public events, spouting that God Hates Fags, liberals, republicans, muslims, all pique my ire.

Assuming for a moment that God is real and not some made up fiction used to perpetuate wars and get rich, how can anyone with bad penmanship and poor social skills claim to know the mind of God? Are they really so enlightened to understand their god so well that they can vouch for his complete and utter hatred of a given group of people?

So for all you people who think god hates people, GOD HATES YOU TOO!