This rainbow capped off a rather crummy day.  Like always, its whats at the end of the rainbow that counts.  Its very nice to see the sky smile at you.

     At the end of last July, I couldn’t stand to be anywhere.  The phone was ringing off the hook.  There were insane text messages of love and hate and filth and I got in my car, and I drove until I had no cell phone signal.

     I sat down on a bench.  A beautiful blonde came out, and sat down next to me.  She peered over the top of her glasses, revealing the most gorgeous brown eyes I’ve ever seen.
     “Let me see yours,” she said softly.
     We stared at each other, silently, for what seemed an eternity.
     She took my hand, turned it over, traced it with her fingertips.  I watched, and traced the back of her hand with my own.  No words…

     My heart raced, fear and aniticipation and… something?  What was it?  I felt lightheaded, breathless, trembling.  It was different, different like we’d been so close, and just missed each other, a million times, and then finally, finally came together.  It felt to be the single most important event in my life.  The earth moved, life became more vivid.  Like God had looked down on me and smiled.

     And that was what began an amazing journey.

     She looked at me like I’d always needed to be looked at; dead in the eyes, and with her warm, gentle smile.  She touched me the way I’d always needed to be touched; gentle caresses that would send shivers down my spine.  Upset, she’d pull me close and tell me not to worry about it, that it’d all work out.
     And I’d do the same for her, holding her so close that I intimately know the salty-sweet taste of her tears, running my fingers through her hair and whispering that I would always be there, that everything was gonna be okay.

     And I will continue.

     I’ve never met anyone with a greater propensity for Love as my Wildcat.

     The one.

     My heart belongs to her.

     Our hearts belong together.

     That’s just the way it is.

     In response to a message asking, “What does ‘happy’ look like?” I decided to post a photo from earlier today.

     It looks something like this…

     …minus the squinty eyes from snow blindness.

     Nice Snow Angel, huh? 

     I’ve gotten some sporadic e-mails and messages wondering where I’ve been the last couple of weeks.  I’m simply not telling.  The fact is, I needed a change from ridiculous work hours, and really needed to shrug off a lot of the responsibility that’s been bearing down on me.
     Now, there’s no more dealing with bad checks, fraudulent credit cards, delinquent accounts, support phone calls from customers who can’t figure out time zones or other day-to-day craziness of trying to run a business.  The day-to-day harrassment and stress is gone.  Things that weren’t working out are beginning to turn around.  I’ve completed my first week of work, and found that I actually have time for things again.

     Being able to enjoy time away from work and BS and drama is a good thing.  Being able to spend more time with the Wildcat is an even better thing.

     I took a Systems Analyst job at a small-town hospital with several, small satellite clinics.  What I get to do is learn the software that they’re using for digital record keeping in order to help them maximize the use of it so that they know pretty much everything they need to know from start to finish — from health records, to insurance, privacy, billing and revenue.  The objective is to be able to see the business processes through from start to finish, document everything, train everyone up to the same level and have a nice, neat collaborative platform that can be used in conjunction with patient records.

     It’s good for the patients:  they’re able to receive better care, having their full histories in a central location instead of having such disparate dissemination of information, and having a simple way to schedule, refer and assist in their diagnoses.  It also gives them a lot more choice about where they receive their care, as they don’t have to start out blind with a new Doctor.
     It’s good for healthcare providers: they’re able to get a better, overall view of a patient’s health, what’s been tried, what’s working, what isn’t and what kind of maintenance and service their patients are getting.  They can see trends with patients and better prepare for epidemics thanks to having data over time.
     It’s good for the staff: they’re able to better assist patients with scheduling and insurance issues, move them from the waiting rooms to the healthcare providers more quickly and get general overviews to assist them in making decisions about how to best care for the patients.
     And, lastly, it’s good for the administration.  They’re able to get a better overview of what’s going on inside their organization, how to budget based on usage and volume, and the best ways to handle new, Government-imposed rules.  They’re also able to get real and useful data about profits and losses at their locations and assist them in improving the quality of service.

     At least, that’s how it will be, once I get a lot of work finished. 

     Despite being a small healthcare system in several small towns, there are as many providers and staff as some of the “large” hospitals, and certainly no shortage of ailing patients.  There’s a reasonably high learning curve to what has proven to be some pretty quirky software, and there seems to be a lot of connectivity issues between locations.
     Oh, and did I mention that I’ve never used this software before?

     Some people might consider it a daunting task.

     For me, it’s exactly what I enjoy doing.  I get to go into a business, learn its processes from top to bottom, liberally apply technology, train everyone how to utilize that technology to the best of its ability and end up with a lot more speed, efficiency and, ultimately, accountability.  You’re able to see where things are falling down, improve processes, and eventually end up being able to provide customers with better service.

     The thing is, as much as I’ve complained about healthcare providers over the last few years, now I’m inside a system where I can do something for the greater good.  I can’t knock the place where I am, because despite being a small system, they do their communities a great service.  They’re an incredible public benefactor, which is one of the reasons I’ve been so impressed with them.

     I also see this as a very real chance to improve the quality of care that patients receive.  If I do a good enough job, perhaps it can be used as a template for larger healthcare systems where patients are treated as numbers instead of names, where profit takes precedence over patient care.
     I’m sure everyone in Knoxville knows exactly where I’m talking about…

     As for the organization, there are many more things that have impressed me.  People are friendly and talkative, they legitimately enjoy their jobs, they offer suggestions instead of incessantly complaining, and they care about what they’re doing. 
     The IT staff are equally impressive.  It’s the first time I’ve gone into a company and not seen an arrogance level that dwarfs their ability.  In fact, these guys actually want to learn, ask questions and try to solve problems.

     The last thing that really stood out happened yesterday morning.  At 8:30AM, when time allowed, there was a completely voluntary meeting.  Out came the Prayer Book.  It was filled with names of friends, family and patients to pray for.  The deceased weren’t marked out — no, they were highlighted in green.
     My two-year-old neice is in the hospital on a respirator.  I don’t know what’s wrong with her, what hospital she’s at, or even how to get hold of anyone to ask because the phone messages I get are more damning than informative, and completely devoid of any contact information where I might be able to figure anything else out.  I know that it’s out of my hands, so, I added her to the Prayer Book.
     We held hands in a circle, were led in prayer with a song and our requests, and made a few silent ones of my own.
     Burdens off, we went back to work.

     That felt good.

     All in all, I needed the change.  I’ve felt trapped and claustrophobic for the last couple of years, and suddenly been offered a great opportunity which I’ve grabbed by the horns.  I enjoy my work again.  I’m enjoying meeting more people, talking to people, and doing what I do.

     To top it all, my Wildcat’s lying three feet away from me, fast asleep, a gentle smile upon her face.  I thank God for this woman every day.

     For the first time in a while, I’m unequivocally happy.

Life is short…

So what am I supposed to do about it?

I think the answer can simply be summed up as: live happy, live right, and it will be easy to live your conscience.  Don’t let yourself get stressed out, it’s not worth the effort or the time it takes to do it. 

Praise your sons and daughters, friends and family, co-workers and bosses, when they do something well. If they go against the grain and they do poorly,  don’t be afraid to point out where they made a mistake. In the same token, don’t chastise them while you do it.  They are people too…

I know this is a little hippy for me but life is too short to stay mad and unhappy.  Joke them if they can’t take a…

     Voice: If you’re always looking at what’s behind you, how will you ever see where you’re going?  Here’s to shrugging off the old and embracing the new without worry, fear or regret.  Change is change … it’s what you make of it that matters.

I’ve finally figured out that most of my knee shaking epiphanies hit me while my ass is firmly planted on a bar stool. This past weekend was, without doubt, no different.

I finally realized why, in fact, my past few months have been, how shall I say, like stink on shit.

Although I’m extremely happy with Big T, I feel like I have lost myself somewhere along the way… I’ve packed on 20 pounds since I got married and my clothes are too tight… which has led to me being severly annoyed at everything… which led to my lack of tolerance to drama in any circle in my life. I got enough drama dealing with my ever expanding ass to deal with anybody elses bull-caca.

I’ve decided that all the petty bullshit and disharmony must be flushed from my life like a Biore strip removes the blackhead on a super model’s ass.

I was in the midst of three different people, on three seperate occassions, having three separate issues during the long weekend, who, for whatever their reason, seem to tote sadness, misery and all out drama in their purses.

Swear to God, after number 2 acted up, I was seriously considering becoming a recluse and avoiding all humanity until these three got it together. Jeez.

My advice to them, get happy. Nobody wants to be around somebody who can’t smile and just share in the happiness. The world does not spin on its little axis simply for you to be in the center of it, no. Your problems are no bigger than anybody else’s. Get a grip, get a job. It’s life, get one.

There is absolutely no sense what-so-ever in all this crap.

How’s that? I just needed to get that off my chest. I’ll put on my hater blockers, go have some Chai Tea and meditate.

     There’s something that’s bothered me for a long, long time, and it’s changed my behavior a little.

     If I walk up to a door to open it, I glance around to see if anyone else is close.  If they are, I hold it open for them.  It’s a simple thing, that most people don’t do at all any more.

     Some people are semi-thankful, but can’t really be bothered to do much more than nod or half-grunt a, “Thanks,” before continuing to walk blindly around not paying attention to anyone else around them.

     Occasionally, you get one of the uber-Feminists who will rip you a new butt for holding her door open.  She’s perfectly capable of doing it herself, and what a chauvanistic piece of — *BONK!* — as the door hits her in the face, because she’s too busy complaining to note that you let it go and walked away… at which point, you’re demoted to misogynist, and… *rolls eyes*  I always wonder how those types react when they see me hold the door for the guy at the next door…

     Unfortunately, most people these days are asshats and don’t care that I hold the door for them, at all.  Why, no!  I should be privileged for having held their door!  I’m not a antisocial (I’m really not), but stuff like that is exactly why I think the vast majority of people should get bent.

     Needless to say, it is due to the above three classes of people that I don’t stop, hold the door, and wait for people to go through ahead of me.  Bloody hell, half of the population are so brash and rude that they will jump right on through while I’m holding open for my lady, who I really wanted to walk in with…
     Thus, I’m very good about holding it behind me.  And, if I accidentally drop it as someone’s coming, I even go so far as to apologize to them.
     Weird, eh?

     But today, as I walked up to the door to a store, I noticed an elderly woman with a very young teenager approaching.  Ignoring my usual instincts, I stopped, grabbed the door, held it open, and said, “After you!” as I ushered them inside.
     The two looked me right in the eyes, and with large, genuine smiles, said, “Oh, thank you!” in unison.
     Genuine thanks?!  That’s so rare!  I couldn’t help but say something, and when I opened my mouth, “My pleasure!” came tumbling out.
     Again, more smiles.  As they walked on into the store arm-in-arm, they leaned and whispered to one another, patted the others’ arms as they went.

     Simply amazing.

     Nostalgic, even, remember how people used to act when you did some random act of kindness…

“She can’t remember a time
When she felt needed
If love was red then she was colour-blind
All her friends they’ve been tried for treason
And crimes that were never defined
— Savage Garden, “To the Moon and Back“

     Hey, it’s Monday NIGHT … I was busy!  Cut me some slack.

 1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     There’s a nasty little thing that all of us get from time to time when we’re unhappy.  Instead of vocalizing what we’re upset about, we go off on everyone single person around us… And we just can’t accept or apologize for it.
     Some of us get over it… and some people don’t.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     I’m leaving my answer from last week, because, seriously, that’s a crock:

“I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little sup’ed up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…”
  — Carrie Underwood, “Before He Cheats“

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I’m unhappy with my choice if business banking, Suntrust. 

     Suntrust are a bunch of asshats, and unfortunately, completely nameless because their so-called Customer Service department refuses to reveal anything anything more than how much they value me as a customer.  Of course, after saying that, and knowing they’re recorded, they take absolutely no responsibility for their actions, regardless of the fact that they’re not actually doing anything helpful or proactive when faced with what is an absolute catastrophe on their part.
     If I had one name, I’d make an Asshat of the Day post.  But they just won’t give me one…  Wonder why?

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     This weekend, I was repeatedly mauled by a Kentucky Wildcat.  Damages include many bruises, bite marks, scratches, sporadic blood loss, various serious abrasions, slightly seperated nose cartilage and swollen extremities.
     And I so look forward to the coming weekend…

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     Knock me down on the way to the goal, and you only strengthen my resolve.  The further down the hole I get, the harder I’ll dig, because I know damn well I’ll see the other side.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     There’s a place I wanna be… and I can see it… it’s so close… I’ve been there before, and I’ll get there again… and hopefully, just hopefully… Oh, man, that’ll make our lives so much easier… *grin*

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

     My tires were less than a month old.

     The problem was covered under warranty, despite being maliciously vandalized.  ;-)  So basically, the only thing that I lost was a little sweat in putting the spare on.

     Busy day, too… I’ve done three quick-and-dirty onsites (and had the tire fixed between the last two — took them all of ten minutes), and I’m actually managing to fix these bloody notebooks faster than they’re coming in the door for a change.  Apparently, I’m one of the few people in town who can actually repair notebooks — which is ironic, since I hate them as much as I do.
     But, it gives me a sense of accomplishment to complete things, and properly… and I admit, even a bit of smug sense of satisfaction to have fixed whatever hardware or software problem there was after it’s been sent back to the manufacturer for warranty repair over and over and over and…

     And… Nah, nevermind.  More good stuff I won’t talk about… Maybe later.  *grin*

     Life kicks ass!