So, today marks the day of an ever so joyous event.  Diva’s bachelorette party!!!  Yay!

Well, our beloved Mark is sitting back, and sniveling, because he has a penis, not a vagina.

No penises at Diva’s bachelorette party.  Only people who are proud owners of a vagina are allowed as we will be greatly misbehaved and no males are allowed to be there to witness such naughty things as will be going on tonight. 

In addition to lotsa drinkin, games on tap include:

Pin the bow-tie on the bachelor, Do or dare cards (which promises to be loads of fun since Robyn will do almost anything if dared), and a naughty scavenger hunt.

Details and photographic evidence to follow.

I’m not immoral.  I’m not just not ashamed to admit that I am human and that I possess human wants, needs and desires.  Just like everyone else.  Even after reading and re-reading and re-reading again my post about Lust, I’ll still stand by my honesty.  Be careful before you cast stones.

Today I’ll admit to my gluttonous nature.  Gluttony, as defined by dictionary.com, is excessive eating and drinking.  From all of the various definitions out there, I’m taking it to mean any habit in which one has no control over.  Whether it be food, alcohol, illicit drugs, ciggies, sex… whatever.  You know it, I’ve got them all covered.

Admittedly, I am a total fan of Taco Hell.  When Diva went on a diet last year and cut all fast food out of the diet, Taco Hell took a major hit and their stock dropped immediately.  Yes, I am a serious Taco Hell glutton.  No mas.  No mas.  I am a burritoholic.  My willpower sucks.  Gluttony at its finest.  Too bad there isn’t a Del Taco in Tennesse.  It would really be on then.

However, also encapsulated within the definition is excessive drinking.  BINGO.  That would be me again.  I admit, I partake of my fair share of intoxicating beverages.  I’m a hard working, professional in the biomedical equipment business all week long, with the exception of the occassional Wednesday outing.

MMMMMM….. beer!

On Friday night, I tend to dive to the bottom of the Michelob Light (and more recently Mich Ultra Amber) and take an evening long swim. 

Maybe it will get me elected to public office one day.  At least nobody could dig any bones out of my closet.  They’ve already been exposed.

No, no.  I know what you’re thinkin after that skanky blog from weeks gone by, but no.

Everybody has a thing about grabbing hold of and/or making pictures of my boobs.  Don’t ask me why.  I have no idea. Could it be that they are just so damn touchable, lets say like Charmin?  But God gave ‘em to me to put pretty bras on, so I do.  Then,  Zacque or Robyn or any number of other Pirate types, end up snapping pictures of them.

This is my birthday squeeze. 

Why I got molested here is way beyond me, as this was Niki’s birthday.

The Darkside double-dipped with me & Robyn.  The little perv.

The full on Pirate Grope.  Jeez.

Becky goin for the goods.  Heh.

Yup. Molested by Susan, too. Look at that face.  Tell me she didn’t like it!

Group boobie grabbin’!

Notice, I’m innocent. I’m always the grab-ee, not the grabber!

     Yeah, the credit card and the crazy eyes…

     But, seriously … it’s totally innocent. 

     Scout’s honor!

     I have absolutely no idea why we look like that…

     Seriously!

     Or that, either…

     It’s been a day for stupidity.  Ex’s from all over the globe have psychicly tuned into the fact that I don’t feel very good today.  Phone calls, e-mails, text messages have innundated me since 4AM.  I don’t drunk dial, so listening to the voicemails and reading messages this afternoon has been surprisingly humorous, in an ironic and futile sort of way.

     “You’ve got some serious mental issues,” came across the screen from someone who admittedly has so many issues, so much hurt and pain from past relationships, that she just can’t believe anyone might give a damn about her.  Amazing.

     The only things I’ve gotten, outta loving certain women more than anything else in the world, was a lot of abuse, ridiculous accusations of conspiracy and pain like nothing else.
     Oh, and a drinking problem while trying to deal with it all.

     Today has really made me take note of something I never noticed before.  That’s three women in my life who’ve meant more to me than anything else in world, and they’ve meant more and more each time.  There were no cataclysmic events to bring us together, no circumstances which made for inseperable bonds; they just happened.  They happened at times when I was complacent, together, content and independent.
     But as time drug on, each of them proved themselves to be little more than repressed, emotionally distant and abusive to a ridiculous degree.  Gives a whole new meaning to, “Nice guys finish last.”

     Seriously, all the migraines, bullets, knives, skinheads, lawyers, quack doctors and random assholes in the world couldn’t take me down.  But three women could get through every damned defense I’d built up over the years, and tear fleshy chunks out of my heart as a sacrifice to their “independence.”

     The circle is now complete … The Unholy Trinity is formed … 
     The Mother, the Daughter-in-Law and the Unholy Anagram.
     I never had a good relationship with my mother.  It’s really making me think that maybe there is something to all that Freudian bullshit.  And maybe she was right … for all the love shown to the Unholy Trinity, maybe I really am the Antichrist, like she said.

     So maybe I do have some “serious mental issues” … now … now that I’ve been used, abused and discarded like a three-cycle dryer sheet … cuz I’ve certainly been through the wash a few times with all of them.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants to see us happy.” If this is true then why is there a last call at the bar, drinking age and limited availability? Why force us partake with regard to responsibility this wonderful gift of our glorious maker? After all, Jesus is the Wonderful Counselor. Counselor is a pseudonym for attorney.  So he could take care of any trouble you could get into.  (Unless it’s not part of the Divine plan.)

I may be the only one who see this train of logic, I still think it is ideal. Oh well, so much for living in a perfect world.

Must have something to do with that whole original sin idea. You’re born and very much guilty until proven innocent. Therefore, you are subject to archaic rituals of cleansing and reckoning. So then, you can think like a child in order to approach an ideal afterlife. However, you went through all the ritual to avoid the tendencies of misdeed in the first place. Something sounds fishy about this. It’s all a little too cyclical if you ask me.

I guess that is what I get for trying it interject logic into a book. Especially since its origins are rooted in religion and supposed to be the words of the Divine. Who in the book translates best as a distant father figure that shakes a finger at you and says, “Damn it, do it my way or the highway.” Then gives you freewill. The problem I think has nothing do with the original idea. The interpretation mistakes lie in the hands of the penholders who recorded it and the translators in later years, not the concepts.

     Remember that old Police tune?

The sky turned to black
Would he ever come back?
They would climb a high dune
They would pray to the moon
But he’d never return
So the sisters would burn
As their eyes searched the land
With their cups still full of sand…

     I’ve heard the same line so many times, “It’s not you, it’s me.”  I’ve heard more than that … way more … enough to make many men feel they were God … and yet …

     And yet …

     …

     .

     *shrug*

     I don’t …

Monday Melee

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

I hate the fact that there are so many awful people out there that would wait until their wife/girlfriend/lover is about to burst at the seams with impending child birth and kill them.  I mean, come on.  If a man is cheating, or doesn’t want a baby, or whatever… WALK OUT ASSHOLE!  Don’t kill her because you are a bottom-feeding freak of nature. 

Don’t prey on someone who is in too vunerable a condition to be able to appropriately fight back.  She (and her baby) has a right to live.

Pure evil.

And, as usual, drama queens and attention whores will forever be something I just loathe.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

I have only one in mind, and I’m not so sure it would be a good thing.  So, since I can’t say something nice today, I’ll keep my yap shut.  ZZZZZip.

I will expose myself though.  I am a complete fake.  I am not the sweet, kind, loving, caring, angelic individual that you all know and love.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

I’m unhappy that I am simply not a morning person.  I would go so far as to say I’m anti-morning.  I manage to drag myself out of bed just in time to have a shower, pour some coffee down my throat and drive to work with my head hanging out the window in order to get that wicked windblown look. So, I am unhappy that I can’t appreciate a new day any earlier than 5:00pm.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

Today I give my fiancee complete and total credit for putting up with my constant string of shit.  I generally give him a run for his money.  But, lately I’ve been extremely emotional (imagine that) and have been taking him on the rollercoaster ride of the century.  Lately I’ve been worse than a spoiled 5 year old.  He over looks my sarcasm most of the time and doesn’t take it totally personal.  Go Tony.  You’re one hell of a man, man.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I think it’s good that I can admit being a total ass-munch.  See #4.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

This week to hurry and be over.  We go on vacation next week.  So, all the good stuff I wished for on last week’s Melee may just come true. 

At least the cold beer and sex part.

Go Diva, Go Diva, Go Diva

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

Monday Melee

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

I really hate when coworkers taunt one another. Why are some people so incapable of accepting their own faults and weaknesses that they point out every fault and weakness in someone else as a ridiculous attempt to feel superior? I’m the fearless leader who gets to build a team with young’uns like this. Where’s that play pen?

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

Coke adds life. (Would you believe me if I told you I haven’t watched TV, or commercials, in a really long time?) Coke used to add life, before the Moral Majority got ahold of the recipe. Now all Coke adds are big hips, zits, and tooth decay.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

Cat hair notwithstanding, I really hate being confused over the appropriate use of the ‘b’ word versus the ‘c’ word, like there is anything appropriate about either word. Big thanks to Mark and Zacque for clearing that one up for me.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

The Shakespearean Insulter… dis ‘em with style.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

I don’t have a ’special purpose,’ but I am bright enough to consult Freud’s library and learn to deal with the envy.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

I wish for a hammock under a thatched roof, a Calypso band, and a plentiful supply of Goombay Smash.

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

     A little while back, I did a review about the reacTable, a table-top music synthesizer.  People loved it.  So when Microsoft comes up with Microsoft Surface, people are going insane on the Microsoft-bashing bandwagon.

     Check this out …

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VfpVYYQzHs)

     Sorry, cool stuff.

     Still, a lot of people are screaming that, ”Microsoft is inventing a product which there’s no need for!”
     My honest opinion says that that those types of short-sighted Asshats can suck a big one.

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZuGClKRDtc)

     Whether or not some people see a need for it or not is irrelevant.  There certainly are uses for it now.  Think in terms of business and Government, where untold sums of money are spent on Conference Calls, cameras, long distance charges, couriers, paper documents, signatures…
     Imagine the ability to slide a signed digital document across the desk to a guy sitting across the country … or at a manufacturing facility in Singapore … sending a design specification, and getting back photos of a prototype … having a Sales & Marketing meeting, complete with fresh demographic material from a country you’ve never been to …
     Imagine the ability for a President to learn about a culture by reading interacting with their representative … being able to read their material, on the fly … forging a pact … stopping a war … signing an International Peace Accord.

     Coming from the Asshat line of thinking, we had bonfires, so who needed a fireplace?  We had fireplaces, so why have an oven?  The oven was fine, so who needs a microwave?  Seriously, why have a refrigerator when we were perfactly happen asking the ice-man to come into our cellars and fill the icebox?  Why did we need telephones when we could visit?  Why did we need cellphones when we had perfectly good landlines?  Why did we need e-mail when we had a perfectly good postal system?  Why did we need the Internet at all?

     Innovation is great.  It helps fulfill our quest to better ourselves, and when used correctly, allows us to be more productive.

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cog8b8ojji0)

     I have to admit, however, that the little show when they sit my drink on the bar is definitely gonna distract me from watching the carbonation rise to a head in my Guinness…