Because it was exactly three months ago …
And everyone who knew her will know exactly who this is …
( I close my eyes, remember her, and die laughing — that’s the way it should be *grin* )
Cheers, babe. Miss ya.
Since I am a fan of the “News of the Weird,” a column regularly featured in everyone’s favorite free “news” publication in the KnoxVegas MetroPulse, I’ve have decided to share some exceptional news today.
Let us go north, thru Kentucky, Ohio, Michigan, Canadia — okay, maybe not that far — go southwest a little, and bam! You’re in the Dairy state, Wisconsin. Then within that state, we come to the lovely little city of Janesville, just on the state line. Janesville is known as “Wisconsin’s Park Place”, even though it was originally founded on strong industry. Our story however comes from a different line of work entirely, one that is universal to all places nowadays: Real Estate.
Whether you are buying, selling, renting, leasing, or subletting, some truths should just be self-evident. Never trust anyone who offers a deal that feels to good to be true.
I can’t help but want to talk about the last one. The reasoning behind it is the same as hiring an attorney, since we all now a similar adage: The man who represents himself has a fool for an attorney. The owner is too emotionally tied to the property to make a viable sales attempt successful.
Now that we can be successful, let’s get on with the story.
While on location showing a home to a couple, a real estate agent heard a blood-curdling scream out of the female counterpart. Assuming it was a mouse the husband and agent walk into the room. To their surprise, it was not a mouse, but the owner of the property… Deceased.
All I have to say is, “Hey, the owner was trying to do the right thing… he was OUT!”
That’s my favorite picture of Yeltsin, quite often a simile for his life during the last twenty years.
What few people remember were his frequent clashes with Mikhail Gorbachev on the issue of Perestroika, not because he was against it, but because he felt Gorbachev was moving too slowly. Media reacted to the clashes without ever looking at the context, dubbing him a “Hardline Communist.” They never really went back to correct their mistake.
Needless to say, he was tough, highly opinionated and stubborn. He said what he thought, and stuck to his guns no matter what.
Rest in peace, Mr. Yeltsin (01-Feb-1931 - 23-Apr-2007).
Photo Credit: Unknown - Deserves credit
One of the biggest things that sickens me about many “Christian” groups is their propensity to back up their wicked, hateful ideas with obscure Biblical references.
By now, most everyone in the country has heard something about the so-called “Reverend,” Fred Phelps, of the Westboro Baptist Church — either heard about him personally, or the work he’s done as an Anti-American (”God Hates the USA!”), as an instigator of violence against homosexuals (”God Hates Fags!”), or as an instigator of hatred against Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Roman Catholics, George Bush, Jews, Women, Rye Bread, Israel. Carpet, and your next door neighbor’s cat. And Catholics. And Jews. And Fruit Roll-ups.
What self-respecting Christian could possibly follow an asshat like this? Apparently, up to about 200. The number frequently changes, mind you, and could be as low as 15.
The WBC is labeled a Hate Group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, and is rightfully on the Anti-Defamation League watch list. The group is so hateful, in fact, that even Michael Moore and the Ku Klux Klan have attempted to counter them.
He and his “faithful followers” have protested the funerals of U.S. Soldiers, and are now turning their vileness towards victims of Virginia Tech shooting:
WBC will preach at the funerals of the Virginia Tech students killed on campus during a shooting rampage April 16, 2007. You describe this as monumental horror, but you know nothing of horror — yet. Your bloody tyrant Bush says he is ‘horrified’ by it all. You know nothing of horror — yet. Your true horror is coming. ‘They shall also gird themselves with sackloth, and horror shall cover them; and shame shall be upon all faces, and baldness upon all their heads’ (Eze. 7:18).
Why did this happen, you ask? It’s simple. Your military chose to shoot at the servants of God today, and all they got for their effort was terror. Then, the LORD your God sent a crazed madman to shoot at your children. Was God asleep while this took place? Was He on vacation? Of course not. He willed this to happen to punish you for assailing His servants.
But in reading the above, what strikes me most is that Phelps claims that God inspired a man to kill our children as punishment for our country’s involved in Iraq. When I consider the fact that Phelps has repeatedly been anti-Muslim, I find his credibility in this case pretty weak. But, apparently, anywhere from 14-200 people (discounting Phelps, himself) are able to ignore that little inconsistency…
And to debunk it a little further…
Back in the Garden of Eden, Cain became jealous of his brother, Abel, because he felt that God favored Abel. While they were out in the fields, Cain killed Abel. Why didn’t God protect Abel? Was God asleep while this took place? Was He on vacation? Of course not.
God allows us Free Will. That was the gift of the Forbidden Fruit.
There is Separation of Church and State in this country. Religious Freedom is guaranteed by the First Amendment — “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion…”
What that Amendment means is that they’re not going to come and shut down Mr. Phelps “Church” because his Religion and Free Speech is protected. Put simply, they stay out of his domain, so long as he and his followers don’t take action on the garbage they’re preaching…
“The hell with your flag. The hell with your fag army, your fag courts, your fag-run government,” says Phelps. “This is the hypocritical, fag-infested, fag-run United States of America and we’re supposed to respect that fag rag flag?”
Yes, he is supposed to Respect it. This Country, and that Flag that it represents, are what gave him the right to spread his filth in the name of Religion.
I would also have them remember that Government will stay out of their Church’s domain only so much as their Church stays out of the Government’s domain. With every legal line they cross while spouting their politics and hatred, they become less and less a Church, and more and more a Hate Group who spout Bible Verses.
With the whole Anna Nicole debacle of late, I find myself wondering why some people do the things that they do which in turn result in an untimely death of said person.
And with all of my deep thoughts of whys and hows, and with trying to come up with some super interesting reason, I’ve decided it’s simply a case of natural selection. Let’s take un momento to analyze how I have come to this conclusion.
Example 1 - The jack ass from Iraq who mailed a letter bomb, which was returned to him for insufficient postage.
The bomb blew, he’s dead. Why? Natural selection. Somebody stupid enough to be mailing letter bombs in the first place should get blown up by some means. The fact that it was by his own bomb makes it epic.
Example 2- The rocket scientist who decided to ride a jet-ski off of Niagara Falls, hit the home-made rocket to shoot him over the past the falls, and get picked up upon landing.
Duh. What kind of dork puts a plan like that into motion? I seriously wonder what the last thing he thought was…. “Oh shit, Batman, this ain’t gonna work!?!?!”
Hello, natural selection. Somebody stupid enough to go over Niagara Falls in the first place hasn’t go enough common sense to walk and chew at the same time… Natural selection.
Luckily, this guy didn’t have time to procreate any off-spring as he was too busy making dud rockets.
Example 3 - Although the number of car crashes with trains has decreased since 1976, approximately 500 people per year still try and outrun them.
In the not so distant past, most of the railroad crossings here in the United States didn’t have any kind of warning system in place to warn motorists that a train was coming. As if looking to your left and seeing that 118 tons (give or take) of steel, bolts, nuts, and steam barreling down the tracks isn’t enough to tell you a train is coming…
So, local governments nationwide began putting up railroad crossing signals. You know, you’ve seen them… the flashing red lights on either side of the road, the huge bar that drops down blocking an idiot motorist from getting to close to the tracks, the loud bells that scream “dang, dang, dang”… right. So, these precautions are in place for what reason?
Anybody?
They are in place for people who are too blind, or too careless to see that 118 tons of death on a track is coming right at them at possibly 50 MPH.
However, the epitome of stupidity is the motorist who is just so sure he/she can make it around that huge arm barrier to the other side of the track before that 118 tons of death on a track gets to them. Ooops, doesn’t work out quite so well every time. One occurrence in Silicone Valley, CA, shows us that regardless of all the bells and whistles in place, some people are just too ignorant to realize they can be smited from this Earth. Natural selection? I think so.
I suppose I would hate to do something really stupid that resulted in death. Seriously. If you don’t want to die of a deadly cocktail of drugs, hello… don’t do the cocktail of drugs.
If you don’t want to die by hitting the water/rocks at 100 MPH, don’t jump, rocket, jetski, boat, or swim over Niagara or any other falls.
If you don’t want to go down in your family history as the moron who tried to beat up the train, don’t try to out run the train…
Pretty simple, kids.
Girl, I think we are all so numb right now that this really happened. Your smile, you laugh, your 24 bar breaks, your 1/2 sweet 1/2 unsweet tea, your friendship…
You know though, I wouldn’t have taken one cent for the year I have been able to say that you are my friend. Every smile, every hug, every time I ran from your camera. Girl we all made some awesome memories together. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. We all found each other when we all needed something. God gave us each other and though you’re gone, you’re really still here with each one of us.
I LOVE YOU, SUSAN.
Susan Alice Shelley - 12/2/1964 - 2/21/2007
People living deeply have no fear of death.
— Anais Nin
Just forty-eight hours ago, I was sitting down to write about what great friends I have. Mere moments after writing, “Pirates never die,” I received a phone call which showed that the world had decided to see just how much I really believed that.
She was there one minute, laughing with us like no tomorrow.
And then she wasn’t.
We’d met before, briefly, some fifteen years ago. We knew the same towns, some of the same people. And when she showed up again last year, it was all so familiar … hard and fast friends, an instant sister, that crazy gypsy, that Wicked Wench.
It was only natural that I wrote her a testimonial a few months ago:
She’s an incredibly talented artist with a death-lock stranglehold on the eclectic. She’s all fun, all the time, complete with an infectious laugh that can change the mood of an entire bar!
For those of us who’ve been around her, all we have to do is remember how she she lived: Like there’s no tomorrow. Nothing left unsaid. Nothing left undone. No regrets.
Laughing at every damn thing — like a bunch of kids with attention deficit disorder — certainly has its benefits. I remember taking her out for her birthday that night with Niki, going to Market Square…
Oooh, Kitty!
(Maybe it’s Susan *grin* Besides, it’s only a 24-Bar Break)
Pirates never die.
I’ll write more on this later.
—–
[5:34PM]
Reason I waited?
A pirate died.
At 12:22 or so.
—–
[11:34PM]
Back on the track.
—–
[2:21AM]
We’re always there for each other.
Even if Dannielynn Hope Smith was old enough to respond to the question “Who’s your daddy?” I’m sure she’d still be confused.
Since her birth four months ago to Anna Nicole Smith, there’s been wild speculation about the identity of the father. At least, that’s what the Mass Media says to justify their feeding frenzy of late.
At around 2:30PM EST on Thursday, February 8th, 2007, Anna died.
A few moments later, her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead went public that he was the father, and that he would be taking Dannielynn to raise as his own.
A few hours later, her attorney, Howard K. Stern (no relation to the shock-jock with the missing K.), went public that he was the father, and that he would fight Birkhead for custody of the four-month-old.
Today, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Prince Frederick von Anhalt, went public that he was the father, but has no intention of fighting Birkhead or Stern for custody.
Given the Gabor sisters’ propensities to slap the Hell out of unsuspecting men, this move was unsurprising.
Now that there’s no one to deny it, I submit that I am the Father, given that I was conducting business in the immediate vicinity of Hollywood, Florida during the second week of April 2006. Apparently, Anna Nicole and I used the same toilet within fifteen minutes of one another.
Ya know, I got a little depressed earlier this year. Inevitable divorce, family issues, the realization that I’ve done every damn thing that I’ve ever wanted to do EXCEPT be an Astronaut and hike to Macchu Picchu…
Then I got over that.
Still plenty of time. 
Then I read EM’s blog… Whatta buncha bastards.
I mean, damn! I could get my tickets for $498 through BWIA. Surely that’s not a costly sum when there’s a death in the “family.”
Kinda reminds me of when Carter got up to bash Bush at Coretta King’s funeral (thanks, Sam!).
