[ This was a draft from August 2nd I should have posted. ]

     Around this time two years ago, I went out a girl who was pretty fun.  We went and had dinner, and ended up playing darts for a while.  Just an easy hang-out-and-have-fun kinda night.  It was cool.  It was actually the first date I’d had that wasn’t a total friggin’ disaster.
     She was sweet, she knew how to laugh, and was a pretty damn good dart player, too.

     I didn’t kiss her goodnight.

     But she said she wanted to see me again.  And so, we made plans to meet that Friday night…

     Later that night, she called me to ask why I didn’t kiss her.
     “I wanna take it slow,” I told her.  “I don’t kiss… just, well, not until I get to know someone.”
     “Aww,” she replied.  “Did you like me and you’re trying to do the right thing?”
     “I had a great time, and I’m afraid I went the normal route, we’d end up going too quick and screwing everything up.  Ya know what I mean?”
     “Absolutely!” she resonded, ecstatically.  “I wanna take things slow, too.”

     We made plans for Friday at 8PM.

     Friday came around, and we were supposed to get together again.  I was already working in West Knoxville, so I called her at 7:30PM and said, “Hey, you hungry?  We could maybe leave a little earlier and go grab something to eat.”
     “How did you know I as off work?” she asked.
     “Uhhh, because we made plans to meet at 8PM?”
     “Yeah… Uhhh,” she stammered.  “I think I’m too tired.”
     “You think?”
     “Yeah, I’m too tired.  Sorry.  Maybe tomorrow.  We can go to Barley’s.”
     “Well, okay.  I was out here anyway, just thought I’d check.”

     The same kinda thing happened twice more.  I got a little pissed off about it.  It didn’t make sense, especially after getting back online and realizing she’d blocked and deleted me from everywhere, wouldn’t answer her phone or anything else.
     I chalked it up to nutjob, and did the Pirate Word for Healing — NEXT!  (Kudos to the Pirate Chicks!)

     So one night, a month later, I’m sitting at Catscratch Jane’s with Diva, Susan, Robyn, Becky, Mitzi and Niki — the pirate chicks — and who should call but my dear stand-up queen.
     “Hey, Mark, I just wanted to see what you were doing!”
     “Hanging out with friends… Why?” I asked.
     “Well, I thought maybe we could go somewhere and hang out.”
     It didn’t take much thought.  “Nah, you stood me up a few times, and no, I don’t think so.”
     Robyn, overhearing the conversation, got a little pissed off and grabbed the phone.  “You stupid bitch!  What the f$#& do you think you’re doing?  I’ll kick your ass, you stupid bitch!  You don’t f$#& with Mark Steel!”
     I wrestled the phone back, but, of course, she’d hung up.

     In June of 2007, dear psycho decided to contact me again via AIM instead of the telephone.

hey nark. how are ya?

Who’s this?

it’s [name deleted]. Just wonderin what yer up to.

Not much.  Just hanging out.

sorry I did what I did a few months ago. wasn’t ready for a realationship. you scared me.

Howso?

you were different.

Howso?

i d’know. you were really sweet. i had too many things on my plate and you knew how to laugh. such a diversion.

Diversion?

fun. really fun. i just wasnt ready. and your hot.

Thanks. But… Okay, what do you want?

sorry if your busy i’ll let you go.

No, it’s cool.  I’m not busy, just wondering…

well i broke up with my boyfriend. just wanted to hang out and maybe get to know you better.

Okay.  Well, what, same place?  Bailey’s?

tommorow night? around 7?

Sounds good.  See ya there!

     But I didn’t bother going.  Instead, some friends and I sat around and laughed about it.  Sure, it was childish, but it was funny.  I figured, hey, it’s the least I can do. 

hey what happened to you tonight?

Huh?

you were supposed to be at bailey’s

Ahh, sorry.  I’m just not ready for a relationship.

what?

Yeah, I have too many things on my plate.  Take care!

asshole!!!

Thanks.  G’nite!

     Tonight, she called me.  Asked if I wanted to meet her at Barley’s.  I said, “Sure, you want me to pick you up, or meet you there, or what?”
     “Well, how far as you?” she asked.
     “Oh, it’ll take me twenty minutes to get there.”
     “Yeah, me, too.  So you wanna just meet there?”
     “Yeah, let’s do that!” I told her.  “Wait around the front door… if you beat me there, I won’t be long!”

     After we hung up, I parked my ass on the bed and died laughing. 

     Haven’t heard from her since.  Wonder if she got the not-so-subtle hint?  *snicker*

     Revenge is sweet.

To find out how you too, can participate in The Monday Melee, please read the main Monday Melee page, grab The Monday Melee logo (and view the participant list too).

A step is a stumble forward prevented from becoming a fall by taking another step.

–Bart Green

1. The Magnificent: Name someone you absolutely adore, and tell us why.

     Well she knows who she is. (Sorry guys, this week you’re outta luck.)

2. The Muddy: Tell us something about life you just don’t “get”.

     Political B.S., Martha Stewart, Attorney’s fees, Bad drivers, Kentucky basketball, Tossed Salad, Unhappy campers, Boring girls, Intriguing girls, and Other people.

3. The Magnetic: Name something or someone good (or bad) you’re drawn to and you just can’t help it. Tell us if you want to change this or not.

     Money, I need it. It wants me to spend it. I can’t change that.

4. The Mainstay: Who or what is something you just can’t live without? Why?

     Love. It only takes one to light the whole world on fire.

5. The Masquerade: Tell us something about yourself we wouldn’t already know.

     I feel needed.

6. The Mettle: Tell us about a time you showed courage in yourself, or tell us what you wish you had the courage to do.

     I wish i could actually make a success of my business endeavors. It is an on going struggle but I may make it to move into something else.

Now it’s your turn.

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It has come to my attention by way of massive amounts of subversive hinting — and some hints that were blatant — that I should share some knowledge in this area.  Mind you, this advice is only aimed at a choice few to include 90 percent of the clueless dating population: men or boys as the case may be from the ages of 18-65; Women from the ages of 18-50; and anyone else who just can’t seem to get their luck up.  (On the off chance, you go to church on a regular basis; the previous statement should be “laid” instead of luck.)

Rule number 1:  Remember to reference the dating blogs. Pay special attention to Flirting 101, Flirting 102, and Flirting 103.  If you are like me, do a search for dating through that lovely search bar in the right corner of the screen.  The ones that reference dating in a more depressing light are there for a reason, too.  After all, “a step is a stumble forward, prevented from becoming a fall by taking another step” –Barton Green.

2.  Listen to your best friends.  Deep down, whether you choose to see it or not, they really do have your best interests at heart.

3.  Listen to your best friends.  They can also be a viable judge of character when your judgment clouds. Therefore, this point gets two spots instead of one.

4.  Pay yourself first; never jump in to a relationship where you cannot gain something.  However, with that said you should always be willing to give in order to receive.

5.  Cleanliness is next to Godliness.  Without roots there can be no foundation, if you are trying to sell yourself to someone else you must present your best self.

6.  Treat anyone and everyone with respect.  If you do not respect the person or persons you are trying to court, how can you expect them to treat you any different?

7.  Be patient.  If you are just like your horoscope tells you to be, good things happen to those who wait. 

8.  Don’t be afraid to make the first move.  Other people do not know what you are thinking; they are not mind readers.  For the same reason, do not take it too far.  If you ask for dinner, pay for it and have dinner.  More can, and most likely will, come later.

9.  Talk and speak your mind.  If you just get down to business, it is nothing but a one-night stand.  You have to figure out who the other person is and whether or not you are compatible (i.e.: can you live with one another in your lives?).

10.  Keep business and pleasure as simply that.  Then, if one or the other goes awry, you still have some sort of relationship you can salvage.

With this advice, you are now ready to embark back into the dating society of intellectual beings, no matter what their leanings may be in either the bedroom or the political arena.  As there will be further additions to this post, do not forget to keep posted.

God bless, good night, and good luck.

     I’ve known some amazingly nutty women, but this news story made me realize I’m not alone.

Police say that on June 14, the woman put Visine in the 32-year-old male friend’s drink without his consent, causing him to suffer vomiting, rectal bleeding and difficulty breathing…

On July 6, police said, the woman, using a metal cane, encouraged a large pit bull to attack the man’s Chihuahua, killing it.

…

Police … charged her with second-degree assault and third-degree criminal mischief.

     I can’t help but wonder what the relationship was between this woman and the object of her fury, as I’ve had the same sort of thing happen by a couple of women I was never even with.

     Sometimes, however, I’ve had some pretty frightening post-relationship encounters with ex-girlfriends, too.  Those sorts of blow-ups usually result in my racking my brain trying to figure out what I did to deserve it.
     Fortunately, this video clarified the issue, and now I know exactly where I went wrong:

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUGKtXz2fCM)

There are some things that you just expect when you are on a 3am-after-party-food expedition. Granted at 3am, choice are limited to few establishments.

After partaking in my fair share of cold brew and closing down Catscratch Jane’s on Wednesday night, the whole load of us decided food was in order as it was late & we were packing a cool buzz. Never mind that my ass had to get up at 7:00am to finish broccoli casserole. So, personally, I was in need of coffee.

Where else would ya go at 3am on Thanksgiving morning for a little sobriety effort? Why, Waffle House, of course.

We wandered in giggling and cackling about anything and everything. All it takes for me to get tickled is enough beer and somebody else starting to laugh. No shit, laughing & yawning are contagious around me.

We finally played musical chairs long enough, got seated and our waitress came over. She was obviously annoyed that she was working and she was obviously even more annoyed that she was dealing with us. If you have to work that shift, at least make an effort to enjoy it.

Whatevers. This poor chick had the personality of a wet-sweat-sock. She took 2 of our orders, not speaking between, just sort of grunting at whoever happened to be next.

Just as she grunted toward #3, her cellie rang. The fact that she had her cellie on her was no big deal. Even the fact that it rang while she was waiting on us was no really big deal even. But when the bitch cut me off mid-order to answer it, now that just pissed me off. Her side of the conversation went this-a-way.

“I gotta answer this.” She grunted as she lowered her head, still facing our table (presumably so her boss wouldn’t see).

“Hello? Who is this? Who is this?” She acted like she didn’t know who HE was.

“Who the hell is this, I’m at work and I have customers.” Why the hell would you tell somebody you don’t even know that you are currently at work and are waiting on them?

“Jesus, Robert. No, I’m not talking to anyone else.” She DID know his ass.

“How can I be cheating if I’m working?” Apparently, Robert didn’t have any faith that she was truly working. I guess that Waffle House distinct waffle and bacon smell being emitted by her apron wasn’t enough proof.

Taucha, my drunk monkey friend, decideds she wants to talk to Robert. So, the waitress obliges (and takes another little bit of our order). After only 2.7 minutes, Taucha hands her the phone back and says to our lovely server, “Lose him, girl. He’s a dick.”

Mario getting on the phone didn’t help. It made Robert believe that she really was in the cubicle of a bathroom bangin’ the customers.

We all figured Robert would show up waving a semi-automatic threatening to blow up the Waffle House and everyone in it because in his head he believes that his girl was fucking us all.

Get a grip, pal. Let the girl bring home the bacon in piece you loser.

     Aside from spending a small fortune cleaning viruses and browser hijackers from your computer after surfing porn sites, there are other, more disturbing dangers of using the Internet to help satisfy your carnal nature…

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtOk8Y4Eyxs)

     Could’ve been worse…

(Video: http://youtube.com/watch?v=k8E-QaVNgV0)

     What the Wildcat and I had going as, “Hey, come down for the weekend!” has turned into “Hey, come down for a week, and get the second weekend for free!”  Driving alone back to Knoxville is getting more and more difficult.

     I didn’t pull out the camera much this past week or so, although, we still did plenty. Friday before last, we hung out at Buffalo Wild Wings and had a blast, thanks in no small part to good company … and lots of beer.

     Eventually, Zacque showed up, although it was fifteen short minutes after Mushy left. We headed over to Baileys where we attempted to hook him up with several interested waitresses.
     “I have a date at 9PM, ya assholes!”
     “Go, Zacque! Have another beer…”
     No arm-twisting required. *snicker*

     Saturday, we took a trip through my favorite place in the world (I’m not telling where!  Nyah nyah nyah!) checking out the scenery and history.
     Since we’d both enjoyed travelling around where her family had grown up the week before, it was natural to return the favor.  We even walked through a few graveyards while trading crazy-family stories.
     Sometimes, even if you’re not close with your family, there are places you can go and still feel close to your roots.

     Later that night, we ended up hanging out with a friend listening to a musician, and had an amusing conversation.
     “How old is she?” she asked.
     “Ahhh, 28,” I replied.  “Why?”
     “She’s so sweet,” she smilled.  “I thought maybe I should introduce her to one of my sons.  She’s so sweet, so I thought she was younger.”
     “Yeah, she’s good like that,” I smiled back, thinking how great it was that she approved of my friends as much as they approved of her.
     “Hmm,” she mumbled.  “And how old is Zacque?”
     “Why, you want to introduce him to one of your sons?”
     Uproariously laughter ensued.

     So nice to be with someone who shares my sick, twisted sense of humor.

     The rest of the week was much the same.  Sunday we were out again.
     ”You know,” she says.  “You really do flirt a lot…”
     My head went, ‘Was I…? Did I…? Errr… Oh, shit, here it comes… ‘
     “…and it’s fine to window shop, as long as you don’t pull your credit card out,” she continued.  She smiled, and gave me a big hug and a kiss.
     That was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever heard. 

     She’s meeting the people I consider family and loving ‘em, customers, friends I’ve known for years, and proving to be every bit as adaptable as I am.
     She’s just as comfortable walking through ticks and briars to find someplace neither of us have ever been, sitting in a Five Star restaurant with wine and too much silverware, going for a swim in a secluded mountain stream, having a conversation with an important client, or knocking back beer and fried food at a football party.

     I was joking around with a friend last year, and said, “Ya know, the kind of woman I need is the one who’ll check me for ticks, and say, ‘Ooh, there’s one! Lemme get him!’ and will actually do it…”
     And hearing, “Die, you damn thing!” after that is just icing on the cake.

     But it’s definitely more fun to check each other for ticks when you don’t actually have any…

     So for a little over a month, my Kentucky Wildcat and I have been hanging out every weekend — and sporadic weekdays — spending a lot of time together and having a blast.  Last weekend, however, we had to skip our normal routine due to the craziness of every day life; I was hard at work until Sunday afternoon with a large-scale server consolidation, and couldn’t quit babysitting it all long enough to have any semblance of “normal.”
     When I finished late Sunday afternoon, I couldn’t take it anymore.  “Since next weekend is Labor Day weekend, whatcha feel like doing for a week?  I mean, I have to work, still, but we’ll have plenty of time to spend together if ya wanna…”
     Fortunately, she’s as spontaneous as I am…

     Without complaint, she sat idly by with me the entire week as I answered phones, fixed remote servers and did some on-sites.  The on-sites were the best: she chatted with customers while I fixed their problems, which took a lot of pressure off of me as I tried to get things done quickly yet precisely.

     Tuesday, for instance, a customer asked her if she liked baseball and handed her two tickets the next-to-the-last Smokie’s game.  We had a blast, neither of us having been to see a baseball game in years.
     Of course, the opposition team, the Chattanooga Lookouts, totally sucked.  Their fast pitcher had his speed down pat, but just couldn’t hit a strike-zone.  The most amusing part of the game came when said Lookouts pitcher messed up during Colvin’s bat in the second inning… He hit the catcher square in the nuts at full speed:

     The next pitch, Colvin had to jump out of the way to keep from being hit, himself.  The catcher was a little more reluctant to rely on his cup against his teammate’s 90mph onslaught:

     After three Balls, two fouls and no strikes, Colvin finally knocked a good midfield, but was taken out at first base.

      Thursday, after a Blount County onsite, we ended up heading to Cades Cove.  “I’ve never seen a wild bear!” she told me.
     “Oh, don’t worry — I’ll find ya one!” I assured her.  I wondered whether or not I’d overpromised, because quite honestly, seeing a bear around here is a special treat.  Still, I kept in mind that I’ve been lucky as far as bear sightings go, even managing to catch photos of them during the snowy mid-winter when everyone tells me, “They’re hibernating now!”
     The heavy afternoon rain didn’t let up until we were halfway through the park, but we still managed to see plenty of foraging wildlife.
     She was amazed at the size of the wild turkeys here:

     But the best was yet to come.
     Just before the turn-off to go to the old Abram’s Falls trail, there were two bucks hidden in the high grass to our left, unafraid even as close as fifteen feet away:

     This 10-pointer probably would’ve field-dressed at around 150 pounds —a prize deer for Cades Cove.  More amazing is that even at the end of August, he hadn’t bothered to rub the velvet from his antlers — nor had his much smaller friend, an 80-pound spike.
     We turned into the road to the Abram’s Falls trail, and noticed tons of butterfles stealing nectar from the local foliage:

     We continued around the loop, walked through the old town (the mill was open!), and spotted a young doe just behind the General Store.  She seemed relatively uninterested in the people milling about, even as she stretched to eat the tender leaves of the rain-soaked maple above her.
     As we left, we noticed another large group of deer in the field behind the restrooms.  They were impossible to count, as some would lie down as others stood up to graze.

     Continuing towards the park exit, past the homesteads, I pulled to the right and asked her to take a look to her right.  Amazed, she turned to see a teenaged bear walking directly towards the car:

     The photo was taken as he rounded a log, less then six feet from our open window.  He continued towards the car, turning around the front and walking to the other side of the road.  We watched him for nearly fifteen minutes as he foraged.  Really cool.  :-)

     Finally, only a few hundred feet from the park exit, we had to stop for the wild turkeys in the road… Six of the largest wild turkeys I’ve ever seen, and I’ve definitely seen some whoppers over the years.  But these — my God! — were taller than the front of the car, and flapped their wings in disgust as we pulled close.
     Finally, they walked to the right, out of our way.  Just before I was able to pull past them, they darted quickly back across the road into the forest to our left.  From only a few feet away, we watched and photographed them.  Note their size compared to the fifty-foot trees next to them — we’re talking monster turkeys:

     Sunday night, we just had to go to Boomsday, especially given that I found us an unobstructed vantage point on the Calhoun’s balcony.  Nothing better than up-close-and-personal, ya know?

     Just before they started, I told her these were for her:

     [ Awww, isn't that sweet?  Thpft!  ] 

     Later Sunday night, we went to watch a band and met up with a few more friends.  (We hung out with several through the week, and had a great time.)

     On Monday, we reluctantly took the trip to take her back home.
     We stopped at the old Frostee Freeze Drive-In in Tazewell for lunch.  Hadn’t been there in maybe twenty-five years, and place is just as good as ever!

     When we got to Cumberland Gap, I thought, “Hey, wanna go hike through Cudjo’s Cave?”  Unfortunately, after we hiked nearly a mile through the nasty, post-rain heat and humidity, we found that that cave had been closed to the public for some time and renamed “Gap Cave.”  Fortunately, we were able to stand at the lower entrance to cool off.  The strong wind rushing out of the cave mouth stayed around 55 degrees — nothing beats natural air-conditioning!
     Along the trail, we found several fossils in iron-laden limestone, several large pieces of chert, obsidian and flint, and a couple bits of micah & quartz encrusted pumice.  Discounting the limestone, it actually seemed a bit odd to find volcanic rocks up there, but they definitely made us smile. 

     As we left, we drove through the town of Cumberland Gap.  It’s funny how we’d both grown up so close to it all of our lives, and never been.  It’s an idyllic small town.
     Although the layout is a bit more “general store” than “pharmacy,” Fuson’s Drug Store, started in 1921, still exists in all its Ice-Cream-and-Soda-Shop glory.  Want a Chocolate Coke or a Strawberry Malt?  Head on up… Good stuff.

     We spent the rest of yesterday driving around through history, enjoying our last bit of time together before next weekend.  We visited the place where she grew up, and talked back and forth about different things we enjoyed when we were kids.

     It was a hard ride back to Knoxville without her.

     I woke this morning missing the Hell out of her, so after a while, I gave her a call.  ”Hey, how about this weekend, I pick ya up on Thursday, instead?” I asked.
     “How about Wednesday?” she laughed.
     “Hmmm… Tuesday?”
     “Why don’t ya just come up now?”

     Life is good. 

     We both realize that there’s not a damn thing wrong with being impulsive, spontaneous, opening up and enjoying what life has to offer.  Seriously … what’s the point of growing up if you can’t enjoy it?

     Oh yeah … The best Labor Day ever. 

I have never been interested in meeting anybody in an online setting.  I crusied some of the sites and even checked out some of the adult type friend sites.  But, when it came right down to it.  I never met anyone because I’m too much of a chicken shit.

I mean you hear horror stories of people meeting in person and one or the other, or neither of them, is what they claimed they were.  Or look like that picture they sent you. 

Call me old fashioned, but when I was looking to meet somebody, I would rather it be over the cucumbers in the produce section of the local Piggly Wiggly, or maybe over a goofy “cooking for one” book at the library.

I joined MySpace last year to comment and cut up with my REAL LIFE FRIENDS.  I never accept “friend requests” from people who I have never met in MY REAL LIFE.  Nor do I ever randomly pour through page after page of people requesting them to be my friends.  No.  If I don’t know ya in real life, then you’ll never make it past the gate.

I know more than a few people who have met their significant other online (eHarmony, Match.com, MySpace…) and who have actually made it for a minute.  But I know of none who has made it for the long haul.  Why?

Well, in this day and age, it seems that those in the online dating community just shift around.  Maybe its because there are so many available folks out there just lookin for love in all the wrong places. 

It’s a meat market for reals.  But, it’s not like a meat market as a bar would be.  No.  Say you go to your favorite bar or club.  Yah, it’s a fashion show.  Yah, everybody is there hoping to meet someone unless they are there with someone.
But, at least you now when you are talking to them face to face, they aren’t sitting there browsing profiles of others while they are talking you up.

I don’t know.  I guess I was jaded, or tainted against this kind of crap.  I’m not a very trusting individual since a guy I was seeing in the last century was a total computer dork that (I found out later) was always looking at online personals and profiles. 

Now you’re prolly sitting there thinking, why is she going off on this lame ass tanget?  What the hell pulled her trigger today?

Well, friends, I’ll tell ya.  There’s a dumb-ass on AOL and yahoo who surfaces now and again thinking we’re the best of friends.  Before MySpace, he used to comb AOL profiles and email unsuspecting females.  I guess so he would have someone to talk to or whatever.  Anyway, I guess it was middle of last year, after he joined MySpace, he surfaced again, showing 198360876 (exaggerated for impact) friends, all of which are female.  Which proves my point.  Or maybe it doesn’t.  I’m sort of annoyed right now.

So, today on my little yahoo messenger thingy, I posted my status as “I’ll never paint again, swear to God!”    And I guess it piked his little curiousity button somehow.  So, he (out of the blue) decided to IM me…  Lord have mercy… 

The conversation went a little somethin like this:

Dork:  ok, I just gotta ask why won’t you ever paint again?

Me: Because I have no feeling left in my arms from painting over dark colors with white like I promised my landllord. lol

Dork:  see you should of called me you know thats whats i do for a living**** 

****NOTE:  Actually, I didn’t know that, but whatever

Me:  Nopie, didn’t know that.

Dork:  yes i told you when we first started talking i remodel houses for a living

Me:  How long ago was that though?  And how long has it been since we talked?  Prey tell, do you remember what I do or from what locale I hail?

Dork:  only couple days…lol just kiddon and in winter months

Me:  No, it was well before last summer.  And as I recall I wasn’t interested in talking to you because you find it to be wonderful to collect women friends online. 

Dork:  no it wasnt you must be thinking of that other man lol

Me:  I talk to no other men, other than the one I’m about to marry****

**** NOTE: That is not all together true.  I have REAL LIFE FRIENDS that are male and I certainly talk to them.

Dork:  see

Me:  See what?  You act like you know me.

Me:  He lives with me, I don’t talk to him online  (Also not completely true, he lives with me part time until we actually jump on the weddin train)

Dork:  well that’s cool

Then the dork went silent and didn’t bother me anymore.  I just get irritated that people have so little value for someone else’s time I suppose. 
Anyway, he is like every other person out there waiting to see some long lost person they added on to their buddy list, so they can feel important because they are chatting it up.

GET A LIFE!

Women are catty.  Especially toward each other.  Especially when one woman has performed an act of woman on woman betrayal.  It is not something taken lightly and is most likely not to be forgiven. 

Over the last several years, I have emerged from spending most of my time locked in the house and being a slave to my life, kids, ex-husband… blah, blah, blah.    I was a young 17 when I married my first husband and didn’t experience the “meat market” type bar scene in which women are all in competition with one another to take some schmo home.  Pu-leaze. 

Then I toddled into life as a single, grown woman.  It was never my intention to pick up on any dude at all.  We (the Pirates) were always out, and if you saw one, the rest weren’t too far behind.  We generally were out together, as a group, on Wednesday and Friday for close to a year.   During that year I witnessed several acts of sluttiness on various levels and even fell victim once to a chick chasing my fella.  Of course, this chick (as it turns out) has extremely low self esteem and chases anything with a penis.

Even though I’m not single anymore and I have no desire to go back to yesterdrama… Damn if I don’t hold a helluva grudge toward someone in particular that recently not so directly crossed my path.  She was just in the area.  The fur on the back of my neck stood up and my claws came out and if I’m not mistaken, I think I even hissed a few times.  And they wanted me to come out and have a drink in the same bat bar at the same bat time??  Um.  No.  I’ll stay home and watch Burn Notice, thanks!

Expressing interest in a man that another woman has already expressed interest in is a huge no-no.  Even if you are sadly repugnant and shameless.  Wouldn’t you rather keep your girlfriend  (who you know will be there for you for life) than to stab her in the back in order to have a one night fling with a man who is going to talk down about you to his friends and other lovers who know about you?

Kissing another girl’s man when she goes to the bathroom is also a big no-no.  Seriously.  Do you think that his girl isn’t going to find out that you waited until she got up and excused herself from the table, before you not-so-eloquently shoved your tongue down his throat?  If the girl has any real friends, they will tell her about your skanky ways as soon as she gets back to the table.  In general, you will have lost a friend (maybe several) as well as becoming a laughing stock.  (I witnessed this scenario last spring… since I wasn’t involved, it was actually quite amusing).