I guess there’s a first time for everything.  Today’s the first time I’ve decided to do the Monday Melee, something Fracas asked me to start doing over a month ago…

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
     I truly hate the fact that when you get an Order of Protection against someone, the Courts will do little to address the problem of Retaliatory Litigation. 

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
     Have you ever wondered why so many people get off on this 9/11 Truth movement, especially with such an inconsistent, un-scientific, un-factual flagship film like “Loose Change?”  I wish all of those people would go and read Frequently Stupid Theories for a play-by-play rundown of the common conspiracies…

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
     I’m completely unhappy with the fact that people can’t tell fact from opinion anymore.  “News Talk” is opinion.  Just because someone said something on one of those shows doesn’t make it real, or right.  It gets especially bad when comedians and satirists like Limbaugh, Coulter, Franken and Stewart (or even Lenny Bruce) are used as sources of “fact” instead of being taken with the grains of salt they deliver.  Using comedy as social commentary has twice as much effect when it’s interspersed with a little truth.  Although, none of them are as funny as Carlos Mencia, Maddox or WhoreChurch…

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
     I have a couple of friends who’ve known me my entire life, people who are like family to me.  They’ve really been here for me a lot the last few weeks, offering a bit of their wisdom and even a bit of spiritual guidance through this mess.  It doesn’t actually help the situation any, but it damn sure makes me feel better to know I’m not totally alone regardless of the outcome.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
     I’m a great listener — most of the time.  I try not to interrupt people, give people the benefit of the doubt, make them feel comfortable, and have some pretty incredible conversations with people.  I tend to be the go-to guy not just in my work, but as a friend, as well.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
     I wish … that I could sleep through the next few days, and be magically transported to another destination and not have to deal with all of this stress that’s going on … that would be so nice!  Barring that, I just hope I get through the next few days without losing my damn mind.

     As for the Monday Melee … I’ll try and do this once a week. 

     Several months ago, I linked to Maddox’s Best Page in the Universe article, “There is no 9/11 Conspiracy You Morons,” which featured a  hilarious slam against Glenn Beck.
     If you’re too lazy to read it, I’ll break it down.  It states that: the fact that the creator of the “Loose Change” conspiracy video is still alive — given the conspiracy theory that our government killed several thousand people on a whim — pretty much proves that there is no conspiracy.  Oh, and that Glenn Beck is an asshole.

     Well, Maddox is at it again with his new Conspiracy Theory spoof, “Unfastened Coins: 2nd Edition, Remix 8, 6th Cut.”

     Those experiments reminded me of some of Spooked’s experiments (which Instapinch turned me onto) comparing rabbit cages and kerosene to the WTC and airplane fuel…

Tip: Les Jones

     In 2004, I moved outta DC because the place is pretty much a hell-hole of arrogance and one-upmanship.

     Leading up to the Iraq war, the entire town was behind it save for a few bus loads full of Neo-Nazi Skinheads wearing WWJD bracelets.  Personally, I’m pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t've been shaving his head, wearing Swastikas and theatening to kill all the Jews, but maybe that’s just me *rolls eyes*.

     As weeks progressed and the conflict escalated, politicians who’d voted for the war a few weeks prior began spouting rhetoric about how they were always against the war…

     It wasn’t long before the War Protestors started going moonbat-loopy.

     I remember being harrassed one morning on the way to work at the Fairfax metro, when I simply walked past the guy trying to hand me his anti-war flyer.  He started screaming, “Fascist motherf&$#er!  You’re a g#$!%m babykiller!”  The rock-salt was down to keep us from falling face first in the slush, but that dear protester decided to see if he could help me fall a little easier.  I turned around and gave him a small shove back, and he finally shut his damn mouth.

     Arriving at work, I was met with another obnoxious punk at the top of the D.O.T. steps.  He was screaming, cussing at everyone who wouldn’t take his flyer.  On Federal Property.  And the D.O.T rent-a-cops wouldn’t get rid of him…

     He was still there at lunch, screaming, shoving people.  And DC people, generally, when threatened, tend to turn Zombie and ignore what’s going on.  They get shoved, they shut down, and continue trying to walk like nothing’s happening to them.

     I am not that way.

     I observed as Mr. Moron accosted an old woman, shoved her down, and busted her purse open.  Her coins went everywhere.  Being typical of the area, people just walked around the bloody-kneed old lady, ignored the screaming moron and went about their business as if it was perfectly normal.

     I ran to her aid, attempted to help her up, and received a short-lived tirade from the moron … short-lived because when he got in my face for trying to help her off the ground, he got a love-pat and a gingerly toss down the Metro escalator.

     And when trying to help the old lady gather her loose change, she simply ignored me, unwilling to make any eye contact, unwilling to accept the money I’d picked up for her.  And nobody else would pick it up.

     There were numerous other stupid incidents which made me loathe to ride the DC Metro after a while (an Asian lady who continually attempted to push me in front of the train, a man who attempted to climb me — standing on the back of my leg and holding my shoulder — trying to push his way into an overstuffed Metro car, the group of suit-and-tie-clad Howard Dean supporters screaming “DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME!” and biting passengers for accidently brushing against them in another overstuffed car), but I digress.

     This is typical of DC.

     It’s a relatively tiny land area chock-full of asinine, and overflowing with WTF.

     Knoxville protesters tend to be at least a little less moronic.  The culture here is very different to DC, in that most people are usually — at least somewhat — nice to each other.  They still scream sarcasm, and use all the silly catch-phrases which don’t apply (general misuse of words and such).  But for the most part, they’re not hitting people.  They’re usually not throwing things at passersby.

     “The smell of patchouli in the air so thick it makes my eyes water,” said Lissa Kay as she filmed this video.

     You can also see that they enlisted the aid of many of Knoxville’s homeless population in exchange for free doughnuts.  I guess they needed to show numbers, and really didn’t think about how demeaning it would be to bribe people to their cause using food…

     Especially when many of the protesters claim that our government was doing that to rural Iraqis…

     Can you say, “Reprehensible hypocrites!” boys and girls?

     I knew you could.

     Lately, I’ve taken the attitude that, “I absolutely do not give a damn.”  And I mean it.  It’s been a mind-altering, uplifting, emotionally freeing sort of change.

     One of the greatest gifts has been: laughter.

     Especially when I read crap like this.  Or this.

     Or even this, from New Scientst…

Don’t say cloning, say somatic cell nuclear transfer [SCNT]. That at least is the view of biologists who want the term to be used instead of “therapeutic cloning” to describe the technique that produces cloned embryos from which stem cells can then be isolated.

[...]

Kathy Hudson and her colleagues at the Genetics and Public Policy Center in Washington DC asked more than 2000 Americans whether they approved of deriving stem cells from embryos produced by cloning. For half of the sample they used the term “SCNT” instead of “cloning”, and this raised approval ratings from 29 per cent to 46 per cent, Hudson told a meeting of the American Society of Human Genetics in New Orleans last week.

     Politically correct science?  What’ll they think of next?

     Regardless of what you call it, human cloning is little more than another way to speed up the process of destroying our already shallow gene pool.

     Penn & Teller’s television show, “Bullshit!“, really covers a lot of material with little more than simple logic.  This particular episode, from 9-May-2005, carries with it the same type and amount of raw disbelief and vitriol that I’ve ranted when discussing 9/11 Conpiracy Theorists, right down to the choice of nouns and adjectives.
     People can say foul language, name-calling and violence never solve anything, but in certain situations, they certainly make you feel better.  Besides — why should I show restraint to people who none?  The Golden Rule does apply.
     If you agree, watch it, because it has all of those things.  If you don’t, then … well … don’t watch it.

     Someone told me recently, “Calling them idiots and dumbasses doesn’t do anyone any good!  You catch more flies with honey!”

     I’m sorry, but, why should I have to catch flies here?

     In the immortal words of Penn Gillette, “Are 49.3% of us just f$&*ing crazy?”

     LR2 posted a great link today to The Best Page in the Universe.

     It’s no secret what I think of 9/11 Revisionist morons.  Faced with hard evidence and eyewitness accounts, they are stupid enough to simply ignore the fact that more than a few people saw, let’s say, a plane hit the Pentagon, for instance.
     But Maddox hit the nail on the head — with a sledgehammer, mind you.  That Glenn Beck / $100 Bill folding bit is freaking brilliant!

     As far as I’m concerned, these “Loose Change” asshats are case in point that Condoms are only 97% effective when used properly.

     Since I posted about the joint effort between Blogitude.com & Instapinch.com making it a special point to lambast the 9//11 Revisionist, Spook911, there have been several new developments.  Foremost has been the revelation that Spooked claims to be a “biomedical researcher,” which should indicate that he has some grasp of Physics and Scientific Process.
     Fortunately for us, he doesn’t. 

     On July 9th, Pinch posted some links to Spook’s first experiment.  The experiment — using a bucket, some bent wire coathangers and gasoline — intended to disprove the fact that the WTC frame was made structurally inert by a hydrocarbon fire.
     This, however, was merely a predecessor to the “better model,” which Pinch pointed out on June 28th.  This experiment — using an empty rabbit cage and kerosene — intended to prove the same.  The rabbit cage was his “better model” of the wire-frame construction of the WTC.

     Using moonbat logic, the following things come to mind:

• In the 1987 movie Fatal Attraction, an infatuated woman boils a family pet — a rabbit.  This also resulted in an empty rabbit cage.
• Rabbit cages usually hold rabbits, which were used to test for pregnancy from 1927 onward, thus the phrase “Rabbit test.”
• Wire coathangers have been increasingly difficult to find since the 1981 cinematic release of Mommy Dearest.
• Star of Fatal Attraction, Michael Douglas, married Catherine Zeta-Jones.  The movie Rabbit Test stars Joan Rivers.  Mommy Dearest was the story of an abusive mother, Joan Crawford.

     More facts:

• Rabbits are usually stuck with needles either in injecting placental blood during a rabbit test, to sedate them prior to killing them or when injecting them with substances during Biomedical Research.
• Wire coat hangers are often used in makeshift drug laboratories to hold buckets and beakers over flame during the production of illicit drugs due to the fact that real laboratory equipment is extremely expensive.
• “To jones” (two Joans, and an outright Jones) is to show physical symptons due to a physical or mental dependence, i.e. “to jones for a fix.”

     Using moonbat logic and taking into account needles, wire coat hangers, buckets and “jones,” I have deduced that Spook is a methamphetamine addict.

     The evidence is right there!

     Blogitude and Instapinch are stirring up a hornet’s nest of “tinfoil hats,” ”asshats” and “moonbats.”

     Their target is the retarded weiner who wrote the 9/11 Revisionist Blog at Humint Events Online, although, now a few more idiots have entered the fray.  Pretty much, I don’t find 9/11 Conspiracy Theorists humourous in the least, so I’m happy to lend my size ten-and-a-half to any butt that needs kicking.

     When it all went down, I was in an armpit of a foreign country getting nothing but torrents of hatred and saliva directed at me by asinine Socialists in their wannabe-first-world country.  I couldn’t so much as try to get a pack of smokes without hearing crap about how I, as an American, “got what you deserved!”  Getting spit on really doesn’t do it for me.

     You put up with a bit of that, one of two things is going to happen.  In the first instance, maybe you’ll get a thicker skin and learn to ignore the morons.  In the second, you’re gonna wanna hit people.  Hit them really hard.  Then hit them again.  And maybe a few more times, for good measure.  Ask their friends if they want any.  Then stomp them.  Berate them the entire time.  Then spit on them.

     I swear, I get in more trouble trying to buy cigarettes than anyone I’ve ever known.

Better late than never, I ran across a blog entry from February 3rd that was just too good to pass up: “The BEST Tinfoil Hat Post Ever!”

In the article, Instapinch links to, and properly lambasts, some asshat from the Midwest (known only as Spooked) who, for reasons neither known nor understandable, adamantly clings to the idea that the World Trade Centers were destroyed by controlled demolition and were never hit by airplanes. Truly, Spooked deserves the Dummkopfen of the Month award for February 2006; but after reading a few more entries, such as how the Pentagon was never hit by a plane either, this may well spill over into June.

Furthermore, this asshat, Spooked, has the gall to sit from his safe little Midwest vantage point and tell the thousands of us who were driving on I-395 and the GW (I was on the way to Crystal City from downtown, mind you) that we are, in fact, mistaken. Apparently we’re all fools, the thousands of us. I mean, we should have just closed our eyes and waited for this Midwest Super Genius to tell us what happened! It must have been the Great GW’s mind control that made us see “a plane” go down at the Pentagon. The flames and soot certainly must have been “controlled demolition.” Doesn’t that make so much more sense?

I feel that people like Spooked are dangerous, and need to be put away. I’m not even going to link to the asshat — I feel I’m already giving him enough fuel by expressing my displeasure, so check out Instapinch for the skinny.

Good job, Pinch. Keep ripping him a new one!

     Wasn’t so long ago we were there, my wife and I…

     I took her on a Holiday through the US and Canada. She’d never been before. She was awed by Chicago’s Field Museum, Toronto’s CN Tower, Niagara Falls, Washington D.C., the Great Smoky Mountains National Park and the like.
     But nothing matched her mixture of fear and excitement as our walk through the streets of Manhattan, seeing the Twin Towers and climbing all those steps to the crown of the Statue of Liberty.

     The thought has crossed my mind a few times today… “What if that happened when we were there?!”

     This morning in New Zealand was like any other morning, except one of the local News sites (who I’m sure I’ll be prosecuted by if I name it — hopefully their US parent is firing the idiot responsible) said “Six people dead, as plane crashes into the World Trade Centre.”
     No big deal, no cause for alarm.

     By the time I got to work at 7:30AM, there was still nothing. I went to MSNBC and CNN.

     I was so angry. Six people dead, indeed.

     I called my wife a couple of times on her mobile to give her the news.

     A bit later, the first other person showed up at work. The first thing I heard from the Natural Born Kiwi is “Ahh, the American dollar sure is flattened!”
     What a cunt.
     I mean, the whole world’s currency is “flattened,” for chrissakes! And how could someone be so cold and emotionless to think about anything other than the tragic loss of life?
     Astounding myself, I actually stood there and said, “People don’t think like that in the States… we…”
     “Oh, yes, it is!” she interrupted. “It’s all over the news! Go look anywhere!”
     She kept talking, but I switched off. I turned and walked back to my desk, finding solace in the thought of how brief the conversation would have been had she been a man.
     I suppose I’m old fashioned that way…

     Through the morning, I watched (at times, attempted to watch) video over the ‘net about the events as they transpired.
     Eventually, the BBC (who are normally quite good, I think) reported that the US was bombing Afghanistan. This news, of course, directly conflicted with everyone else’s news. At the exact time of the report, US officials (even the President, himself!) were denying all involvement with anything that was happening in Afghanistan.
     The BBC continued to report that the Americans weren’t denying it… in direct conflict with everyone else’s news. Blah, blah.

     Family, friends and I all chatted back and forth through the day by ‘net and telephone. We passed one another bits of breaking news and not-so-breaking news.
     None of us could believe it.

     On New Zealand radio, people were calling in giving a mixture of commentary, the majority of which could be described as “speaking just to hear themselves talk.”
     Most memorable is “Yeah, nah, I figure the US brought it on themselves!”
     After a remark like that, one tends to get riled and ignore anything positive that might have been said afterwards.

     It makes me even more despondent…

     I’m American. And apparently that simple fact makes it acceptable for most everyone on these tiny little islands to treat me like shit…

     Tonight on New Zealand news, there’s a lot more “talking just to hear themselves speak.”

     Most memorable are the comments like, “We’re just gutted! Nah, yeah, we felt like this when Princess Diana was killed.”
     Somehow, that doesn’t mean shit to me. I suppose maybe if she’d died amongst several thousand and there were a few less memorable landmarks in the world because of it, perhaps it would. Or am I just missing the point…?

     Somehow, I doubt it.