I’ve wanted one thing for the last three Christmas’s in a row.  The only reason I didn’t want it for the Christmas’s prior was because, well, I didn’t know it existed.
     And so, like many people who are alone during the Holidays, I intend to drink.  Because last year, I stopped short of it, much like I did the year before.

     In the spirit of drinking and Christmas, I refuse to put Bob & Doug MacKenzie’s Twelve Days of Christmas on this blog because it’s just too cliche.  Instead, I’d have you all enjoy this alternative Bob & Doug MacKenzie bit.

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsgVspgy184)

     So Merry Christmas, boys and girls.  And may all your beer be mouse-free.

The following message was brought to you thanks, in no small part, to copious amounts of alcohol:

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEkxsPKmz_4)

We hope you enjoy your Holiday Season.

And now back to our previously scheduled drink.

     I had work to do today, run a bunch of errands, and do some laundry.

     Everywhere I went had the foul odor of baby shit.

     It actually gave me a complex.

     I checked my shoes and my ass. 

     It wasn’t me. 

     Why do parents take their children out like that, for all day shopping sprees, and never have the decency to change a diaper? 

     Sorry to all you on-the-go mothers out there, but I really don’t feel like smelling your kid’s poop… You had six months to do Holiday shopping (they started it in July this year for fucksakes!) and the rest of us having to put up with your Holiday Poo-Fest is even more rude than having to put up with your Demolition Derby tactics in the parking lot and Shopping Cart Homicide at the checkouts…

     You’ve even managed to put me off my hummus…

     Of course, I can’t say much about the fathers, either.  I’ve never seen so many kids on leashes… Like that’s not going to turn them totally kinky when they hit their mid-40’s….

     And what the fuck are you people taking your kids shopping for, anyway?  “You can’t have it til Christmas” is considered cruel and unusual punishment in many areas.  So for a week before Christmas, they’re bursting with excitement, and know exactly what they’re going to get…

     Great, ruin the element of surprise and create severe agitation all at once!  They’ll be book-phobic, cheating at video games and popping ritalin like candy before you know it!

     Yeah, Happy Fucking Holidays, you bastards!

     For a solid twenty four hours, I’ve been putting up with several people threatening me.  One of them came to my front door last night, and left in more a mess than a hurry.  Another, this morning, tried to get me to sign for something that doesn’t belong to me and I have no way to deliver to its recipient, whereupon he began getting beligerant and cursing at me.  I reminded him of the distance between him and the ground, and he left.

     For six months solid, people have been pushing me, baiting me, and using every single reaction they get as proof-positive that I’m a bad seed.  They’ve screwed with my car.  They’ve called cops.  They’ve stolen most everything I own.  And to top it all off, I’ve been accused of the most vile, ridiculous things and had tons of abuse heaped upon me for things I didn’t even do… even by people that I love.

     And it’s getting old.

     It ends now.

     A majority of people understand what the ”Holiday Blues” is all about.  You lose your job, lose loved ones and are out of money entirely these are just some of the causes.  You don’t necessarily have to be subject to all of these factors,  just one is enough.  That’s when it hit me, I should write a post with ways to avoid the “Holiday Blues.”   After all, laughter is the best medicine…

Example 1:  Christmas in a Beer Joint

(video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ebg7vC-X-wM)

    Just in case you suffer from the “holiday blues” from your own lack of ability to purchase Christmas gifts, (you lucky bastard), I suggest you take this advice from Bob and Doug Mackenzie.

Example 2: Bob and Doug Mackenzie

(video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4)

    In other words laugh your butt off this Christmas,  it sure as hell beats  being depressed!