I was so dreading Christmas this year, until a few things happened that really gave me a wakeup call.

     Week before last, there was a Christmas party.  It’s been a long time since a reasonable representation of Pirates have been together in my presence.  We were sadly missing a few who had other obligations, especially with it being mid-week and so close to Christmas, but hopefully we can all do something again sooner than later.
     Of course, the Wildcat jumped right in, and came up swimming.  Pirates are loud, Pirates are fun, and she’d already heard too many stories to pass up the opportunity to see us together.  It’s not that I had anything against the Pirates, but I was dead tired and trying to get out of going.  Fortunately, she was there to force me to get up and get out.

     The next week, I faltered quite a bit, myself.  Responsibilities and angst fell pretty heavy on me.  We’ve had more than a few heart-to-hearts over the last week, and she’s really gone out of her way to be with me and help us get through it together.

     Thursday night was Zacque’s combination Birthday and Family Christmas dinner since they’ll all be out of town for the Holidays.  We busted it to get to Knoxville in time, and had an great night out.
     I’d been looking for Zacque’s present for the better part of a year.  That’s just one of the things the Wildcat’s good for — if it hadn’t been for her, I never would have found it, yet, here it was, with days to spare!

     By Friday, it suddenly occurred to the roommate and I that we weren’t going to be able to do anything together for Christmas.  Thus, we decided, at the Zero Hour (which, in this apartment, is 3PM) to go ahead and do Christmas dinner on Saturday so that we could all be together.
     Despite having obligations of her own to attend to, the Wildcat decided to stay a couple of extra days and have our Christmas dinner and gift exchange a few days early.

     From 12PM to 9PM on Saturday, we frantically prepared a Christmas feast suitable for an army — a 13-pound turkey, dressing, mashed potatos, green beans, cole slaw, potato salad, gravy, pecan pie, peanut butter cake, and egg nog.
     We made a short trip to visit old friends down the road, exchanged gifts, hugged each other, and came back to eat.
     And despite being a last minute dash and a crazy amount of cooking in a small kitchen without much space, taking off for forty-five minutes to see friends, and coming back to eat before the cat decided to sniff everything on the counter, it really, really felt like Christmas.  
     I’m happy that the cat doesn’t actually eat human food (just sniffs it), and the Bumpuses don’t live next door with their damn dogs…

     Certainly, I know that there are people who are gonna get left out this year.  They’re not going to hear from me, for various reasons, time constraints and geography.
     I didn’t get Christmas cards out, no mailings whatsoever, and a there were a lot of other things I really meant to get done.  Some people, I just forgot because I’ve been running around like an Asshat trying to get everything done that needed to be done.

     We’re all guilty of putting ourselves under way too much stress during the Holidays.  Whenever you’re stressing that you weren’t able to be where you wanted to be, didn’t find the perfect gift, didn’t have time to get your cards out, there are only two things to remember.

     The first thing is…
     You cannot possibly get to everyone you know and love.  Sometimes all it takes is a thought and a prayer.

     The second and most important thing is…
     Christmas is about Love and Compassion.  Those are the two greatest gifts we can possibly give — or get.

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IjyKEx0pio)

     As for my Wildcat, there is nothing like watching in awe as the woman you love perks up and takes charge, makes executive decisions and gets things done when you’re having nothing short of a crisis.  What she has done for me over the last week has turned this into the best Christmas I’ve ever had. 
     Tomorrow morning, I’ll be heading up to spend the rest of the day with her family and doing the typical things: cooking, exchanging gifts, laughing together.  And I’m excited to spend more time with her, to be around family.

     Merry Christmas, everyone.

     Be safe.

I know you, my friends on Blogger’s Lane, are really getting uptight thinking “What the hell would Diva want for Christmas??”

I’m here to help. I don’t want to end up with another toaster.

In no particular order, I will list the items you are welcome to put under my tree this year. We’ll have a hot toddie and discuss the fun uses for these lil ditties.

First. The Yodeling Pickle. Anybody out there who wouldn’t want a pickle that yodels? I for one am just bubbling with anticipation for Christmas morning! Wake up, all dreamy eyed to a beautifully decorated box… and out pops the pickle.

I’m also amused at the thought of getting this cute little smoking monkey. I think I could teach it to spit, fart, burp, cuss and drink beer too with enough time and training.

Lastly, I want this so I could always have a weinerschnitzel in my hand.

Sick, huh?

There ya have it kids. I promise not to regift.

I swear to all that is Holy… I’m trying my bestest to get into the holiday spirit. It just ain’t me. But I’ll not sit here and spew a bunch of Bah Humbug and tinkle on everybody else’s happy happy ho-ho-ho.

Quite the contrary. In my efforts to pull the Grinch out of my ass, I have found that a nice alcolhic beverage can be very beneficial. My drink of choice? Ahhh, a nice cup of fresh brewed double shot o’ espresso combined neatly with a shot of Bailey’s Irish Creme. Yes, it is tasty. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmmmm.

So, one cup of cheer at a time, I have managed to begin my holiday-ing with relatively little pain and suffering.

I slung up two Christmas trees this year. One in the living room where everyone hangs out and the other in the Den Of Love downstairs.

Wanna see? I know you do… even if you don’t… here it is in all it’s blinged out glory!! This is the silver & white tree. This sucker glows by the light of the fire even with the twinkle lights not plugged up.

Let’s sing…
“Silver balls….. Silver balllsssss… it’s Christmas time in the Lair”

This is the wooden tree. Tastfully decorated thanks to JoAnn’s craft emporium. Everything on it is made of wood. We like it. Eco-safe, tree parts that will be used for years to come. Poor thing still needs something on top, but I’ve yet to find me a wooden angel or star or santa…

Up close with my fave ornaments…. The sappy but sexy LOVE BELL… When I get lucky, I run upstairs in all my nekkid glory and ring that bad boy… (Scary thought, huh?)

Now just because I have my own forest of Christmas trees doesn’t mean that this tree or this tree are safe.

I made a promise to myself that I would go steal them and leave ransom notes for each tree if either tree owner turns their respective back for more than 2 minutes.

Happy Holidays, boys and girls.

You know, for the past decade, I kept thinking to myself “Damn. Christmas seems to come earlier and earlier every year. I thought it was only in my head because I am simply annoyed by how commercial Christmas has become.

I took note, back in August no less, that as soon as Wal-Mart took out the swimming pools and other summer items… in came the Christmas stuff. IN AUGUST! Before even halloween had time to come and go.

Pisses me off, the money-grubbing devil stores peddle as much as they can for as long as they can. And what really slays me is the fact that, everytime I’d pass through lawn & garden, even back in late summer, there were people buying that shit up. It wasn’t on sale, it was just out on display and for sale at regular prices.

Now I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want my house decorated with little elves and the like that early in the year. I’m the type that as soon as Christmas is over, I’m ready to jerk the ornaments down and sling the tree in the yard.

What I think should happen is, since the the stores have all the Christmas crap out that early, the Salvation Army should round up sexy bell ringers and have them out there in the heat of summer in a Santa-like underwear  made of red velvet with white trim and an excellent and yummy tan.  Then maybe I could swallow Christmas that early in the damn year.

Bah!  Friggin Humbug!