It’s well known that Swiss Banks are havens for asshats who wanted to hide all their stolen, Nazi gold.

     A few years ago, I broke a bit of code, using a Modulo 17 mathematical matrix, and created a way for Swiss Francs and Euros to be directly deposited into a certain company’s bank account.  Mateo Meier, President and CEO of Artmotion Ltd., never bothered to pay me for that trouble, nor followed any specifications on the web design job project he was given to make up for it.

     He owes me over two thousand USD, and a little more for the pain in the ass of collections.  His design worked sucked, and seemed more like an Office Online Template rather than anything that was done in Photoshop like he said.

     You’re a piece of crap, Mateo Meier.

     May you rot.

     When you say the word “committed,” several different things come to mind.

     Webster’s Dictionary provides the following insight into the word “committed:”

1. gave in trust or charge; consigned.
2. consigned for preservation: committed ideas to writing; to committed a poem to memory.
3. pledged (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; expressed (one’s intention, feeling, etc.): Asked if he was a candidate, he refused to be committed.
4. bound or obligated, as by pledge or assurance; pledged: committed oneself to a promise; committed to a course of action.
5. entrusted, esp. for safekeeping; commended: committed her soul to God.
6. did; performed; perpetrated: committed murder; committed an error.
7. consigned to custody: committed a delinquent to a reformatory.
8. placed in a mental institution or hospital by or as if by legal authority: He was committed on the certificate of two psychiatrists.
9. delivered for treatment, disposal, etc.; relegated: committed a manuscript to the flames.
10. sent into a battle: The commander has committed all his troops to the front lines.
11. Parliamentary Procedure. refered (a bill or the like) to a committee for consideration.
12. pledged or engaged oneself: an athlete who has committed to the highest standards.

     Now look at this picture:

     Which one(s) apply?

     For a few years, my Messenger has been filled with so-called Customers who bother me whenever I get online.  They ask for help, often ask me to login to their servers remotely and fix things, and when it comes time to pay, I get the old, “When I make money, you make money!” thing.

     It ires me to no end.

     A few others have said, “Hey, we’ll pay you $x to do this website for us,” and then used the old, “We haven’t been paid for it yet,” trick.  Months pass, my questions get ignored, and then they have the balls to come and ask me to do more things for them.  And stupidly, I have.

     Still others have said, “We’re hiring you at $x a week, and we expect at least y hours out of you.  Are you game?”
     “Certainly!”
     I get their billing information, they get their login and password to the billing system and go in and enter a credit card like they’re supposed to.  The scam usually works when their credit card won’t bill, and they ask me to switch them to PayPal billing, which I do.  They don’t bother to pay that one, so I send them an invoice through PayPal.  They don’t bother with that one, either, and meanwhile, they change their passwords on their servers.

     It’s really annoying, trying to do business with people whose faces you never see, or people who are too far away to get hold of and rip their arms off when they do something like that.

     Tonight, one of the standard “When I make money, you make money” freeloaders got an eyefull:

Mark says:
Man, ya know, it’s really bugging me lately. I’m a consultant. It’s what I do for a living. And I just can’t just answer and fix servers for free all the time. I’m just not doing that anymore. It costs $xxx an hour, and I’ve given you something like 12 hours or more and you’ve always said, “When I make money, you make money!” Well, ya know, after a hundred times, it becomes bullshit.

Mark says:
Now fuck off.

Captain Asshat says:
hey!  but I’m not getting paid for this job!
have a nice life loser

Mark says:
Yeah, a loser who you keep asking to fix your servers for free.

     Really, knowing that Captain Asshat has never paid me a dime for the work I’ve done — even when he’s said he would — how could he expect anything less?  And, yeah, I have been a loser in the fact that I’ve lost every bit of revenue he’s promised after I’ve stupidly prioritized him above customers who actually do pay their bills.
     So maybe I’m a loser — he’s still a deadbeat.

     And why should I listen to, “That’s poor customer service!” from an asshat who hasn’t even been a customer?  I mean, by definition, customers usually pay. 

     So, Captain Asshat, seriously…  As far as “Customer Service,” my skills are absolutely excellent — ask any of my customers who actually pay per agreement. 

     Now, it’s not that anyone has to pay me to be nice to people.  It’s just that… well… I’m friendly.  I’m extremely helpful.
     As a matter of fact, I’ve been too nice.  Too helpful.  Too willing to let too many people take advantage of me.

     As far as my business goes … That ends now. 

     I’m more assertive when I’m working for someone else, and I’m not when I’m working for myself.   That’s a fact.
     There’s a point where you have to be an asshole, and start weeding out the freeloaders.  That time past a long time ago, and I have a lot of catching up to do.  *evil grin*

     And if you’re not paying me to do any of my “outstanding” work (your words, not mine), you’re gonna get what you pay for as far as “customer service.” 

“Well, I can feel the heat
from across the room
Ain’t it wild what a little flame
can make you wanna do…”
— Rascal Flatts, “I Melt“

     Ok, so I’ve been remiss in doing the Melee for a while… Here goes:

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     Some days, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, you just cannot win. Everybody has those kinds of days, and they suck. Fortunately, there’s tomorrow.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     A lot of businesses these days wanna run themselves by doing absolutely nothing but blowing smoke up peoples’ asses. It starts from the top. They blow smoke up a manager’s ass about what they’re attempting to accomplish. The manager blows smoke up the employee’s ass that they’re doing an outstanding job when they have plenty of evidence that that’s not the case. The employees then blow smoke up the customer’s asses: “we attempted to ____ but…” (but didn’t), “we feel that we can offer you ____” (but can’t), “We’re sorry you’re unhappy, is there anything we can do for you?” (but won’t).
     Even worse is the whole “potential employee” category, where Management and Upper Management will blow smoke up the ass of every piece of riff-raff that comes through the door. “Oh, your resume is outstanding!” “Yes, you’re a perfect fit in our organization!” “We’ll get the offer letter out to you by the end of the week!” But it’s all smoke and mirrors.
      Business cannot work this way. This is a bullshit, fuzzy-feeling mentality that does nothing but dash hopes and create a customer base who will quickly become impatient at spending their hard-earned money on pipe dreams while getting absolutely nothing in return.

     The exact opposite of this is the service industry business which focuses purely on “new business” instead of taking some care of their existing clientele. I’ve said it a billion times: “What good is new business if you can’t keep it?” Most “first deals” will not earn a dime. Repetition is where that kind of business earns capital. Customer Service is mandatory to stay in the black.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I miss my Wildcat.

     Painfully so.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     Exactly 52 weeks ago today, Fracas started doing this Monday Melee thing.  Kudos on a year of Monday Melee!

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     Some days, I can write.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     I found out what “home” is.  I wish I could be there all the time…

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

     So, Thursday night at around 9PM, I dropped three movies into the outgoing mail slot where I live.  Friday afternoon, after getting back home from a hard day out, I dropped another into the outgoing mail.
      A couple of hours later, I got notifications from Netflix that four movies had been received.  I was a little confused, because that’s way quicker than usual to get all the way to Duluth, GA…
     “Ok, they must’ve setup a pre-emptive return deal, and scanned the movies at the post office, like Blockbuster tried to do,” I thought. 

     Imagine my surprise when I opened the mail box today and found four movies!

     After ripping the outer label off, I was even more surprised to find that Knoxville now has its own distribution center!

     That’s a really unexpected move, and a nice “Happy New Year” gift.  So, if you’re in the Knoxville area and didn’t sign up because of the time it took to send movies back and forth, that’s a non-issue now.

Netflix - Only $4.99 a month! No Late Fees. Try it for Free!