“Hey, Mark, I need a small project done by 2PM.  Can you do it?”
     “Sure,” I said assuredly.

     But that was early this morning.

     “Hey, can you help with this other thing?”
     “I have a 2PM deadline on the first one,” I tell them.
     “It’ll only take a minute.”

     Wrong.

     Back on track, an hour later.

     “Hey, Mark?  I need you to hold up while we send you some more specifications.”
     “Okay, but… we’re running out of time here.”
     “It’s nothing major.”

     An hour later, I get the new information and have to sart over.

     “Hey, Mark, can you do something else for us?”
     “Look, I spent two and a half hours off, and I’m running out of time here.  You need your first project at 2PM, right?” I ask.
     “Yeah, but this is more important right now.”
     “Okay…”

     Another hour later, I’m back on track.

     “Hey, Mark.  This other guy over here needs some software installed.”
     “I can’t,” I told him.
     “Why not?”
     “I don’t have time, since you need this done by 2PM,” I explained.  “But I can do it after that.”
     “Yeah, we have to have that.  But if you can’t do this for us, then we better find someone else to do all of it.”
     “Well, you could, but I’ve already done this, that, the other, and spent an hour and a half on the first thing you asked for.  If you be patient, then I can get you taken care of.”
     “Yeah, ok.  Well, we need that by 2PM.”
     “Great… talk to ya then.”

     Back on track.  It’s 1:15PM.  I have forty-five minutes to finish.

     “Oh, but, Mark, we really need…”
     “Okay, do you need your project by 2PM?”
     “Yes, absolutely!”
     “Okay, I’m trying to finish it, in the next 45 minutes, so if you could just make a list of what all needs to be done and e-mail it to me, I’ll be happy to knock that out promptly at 2:01PM.”
     “Yeah, well, we have to have this, too.”
     “I can’t do both right now.  Both are very involved projects, and I need to finish this one by 2PM.  In 45 minutes, I’ll do whatever else you need.”
     “Well, that’s just not acceptable.  Haven’t you ever heard the customer is always right?”
     “Yes, and if you ask me to complete a task by 2PM, I’m going to, if you’ll allow me to.”
     “Oh, yeah, well, I think we’re just gonna scrap the whole project and find someone els to do all of it.”
     “Well, I could certainly do them, but I think perhaps you guys need to prioritize your needs a little better.  Here it is with forty minutes to spare, and I’ve only been able to work on a five hour project for about two hours.  I can get it going, but I can’t do it and talk on the phone and do all of these other things.  If you can bear with me for forty minutes, I’ll get you all taken care of it.”
     “All of it?”
     “Your project at 2PM, and everything else by 4:30.”
     “That’s not acceptable.  You said by 2PM.”
     “Yes, sir, for the original project.  All of these other things are peripheral, and taking the necessary time away from that project.”
     “That’s not acceptable.  We’re going to find someone else!” he yells as he hangs up.

     I call back.  “Ya know, there is the matter of your bill.”
     “You didn’t have the project finished by 2PM.”
     “No, but you contracted my time to do it, and proceded to use that time to finish several other, smaller projects.”
     “Apparently, our time isn’t important, Mark!”
     “Excuse me?” I monotoned in disbelief.

     I do the impossible.  I do a good job.  And above all, I treat my customers with respect and proceed to my duties in a professional manner.

     “So you’re not going to pay me?” I ask.
     “Why?  You didn’t get the job done.”
     “No, but I got three others done for you in the time where I was supposed to be finishing a project.  I explained repeatedly that I couldn’t get the project completed by 2PM if you continued to come to me with other, less important requests.  You said that these were just as important, and I stopped to complete those tasks, as well.  I am not a time traveller, and apparently, that is what you need.”
     “Yes, we do.  So f$*& you, Mr. Steel!  We’re finding someone else.”
     “F$*& ME?  Apparently, sir, you have a problem with my performance, though I fail to see how that could be, considering all of the assistance I’ve offered you today.  Perhaps you should find someone else.”
     “Don’t f$*&ing cuss me you piece of sh….”
     *click!*

     I will not walk away empty handed, and then sit there to be insulted and screamed.

     A little respect is never too much to ask.

     Funny that it’s now 2:06, and neither their projects nor their additional side tasks are completed.  I wonder how long it’s going to take the next guy?

     [ And if you're said customer --- who pretends to be my employer --- do you realize that I QUIT?! ]

“She can’t remember a time
When she felt needed
If love was red then she was colour-blind
All her friends they’ve been tried for treason
And crimes that were never defined
— Savage Garden, “To the Moon and Back“

     Hey, it’s Monday NIGHT … I was busy!  Cut me some slack.

 1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     There’s a nasty little thing that all of us get from time to time when we’re unhappy.  Instead of vocalizing what we’re upset about, we go off on everyone single person around us… And we just can’t accept or apologize for it.
     Some of us get over it… and some people don’t.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     I’m leaving my answer from last week, because, seriously, that’s a crock:

“I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little sup’ed up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…”
  — Carrie Underwood, “Before He Cheats“

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I’m unhappy with my choice if business banking, Suntrust. 

     Suntrust are a bunch of asshats, and unfortunately, completely nameless because their so-called Customer Service department refuses to reveal anything anything more than how much they value me as a customer.  Of course, after saying that, and knowing they’re recorded, they take absolutely no responsibility for their actions, regardless of the fact that they’re not actually doing anything helpful or proactive when faced with what is an absolute catastrophe on their part.
     If I had one name, I’d make an Asshat of the Day post.  But they just won’t give me one…  Wonder why?

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     This weekend, I was repeatedly mauled by a Kentucky Wildcat.  Damages include many bruises, bite marks, scratches, sporadic blood loss, various serious abrasions, slightly seperated nose cartilage and swollen extremities.
     And I so look forward to the coming weekend…

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     Knock me down on the way to the goal, and you only strengthen my resolve.  The further down the hole I get, the harder I’ll dig, because I know damn well I’ll see the other side.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     There’s a place I wanna be… and I can see it… it’s so close… I’ve been there before, and I’ll get there again… and hopefully, just hopefully… Oh, man, that’ll make our lives so much easier… *grin*

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

     When I came back into the country five years ago, I was pretty sick of renting movies at Ballbuster (and a few other places) because they were usually staffed by teeny-boppers who were more interested in playing Playstation games behind the counter than actually helping anyone.  I figured if I could “cut out the middle man” and actually get the movies I wanted, it’d make things a lot more simple.
     I took the plunge, signed up with Netflix.com, and couldn’t be happier.

     While living in DC, it was easy.  I could drop my returns in a government maildrop, and the very next day, I’d have a fresh DVD.  After moving back to Knoxville — my hometown — things got a little worse.
     Certain Post Offices in Knoxville just suck.  They lose things, don’t deliver things for weeks, hold onto things, send them back “Addressee Unknown,” and a multitude of other, more destructive, handling errors that make me wonder if they’re not getting their staff from a soup line somewhere… and God knows there are plenty in this burg…

     I’ve had one particular movie out for quite a while.  I finally watched it a few weeks ago, and dropped it in the mail with three others around July 22nd.  Two arrived back at Netflix on the 25th.  One arrived back 26th.  One still hasn’t arrived… Meanwhile, three more DVD’s were shipped out to me on the 25th and 26th, but I still haven’t gotten the bloody things.
     Imagine my surprise earlier today when received e-mail notification that the three they’d shipped to me had been received back at Netflix…

     I called Netflix Customer Service — for the first time in ages — and spoke with a rep named Mary Ann.  She went through the usual steps, verified my address, and found that the DVD’s had actually looped from the Post Office.
     “Typical,” I told her.  “This post office blows… If you look back in my history, you’ll notice every shipping problem I’ve ever reported was from this specific place…”
     “You know what, you’ve been a good customer for a really long time,” she said.  “Nearly five years.  Wow!”
     We talked a bit more about the problems, and found that the new Netflix policy allows them to go after a specific Post Office on behalf of a customer when there are more than three incidents within a ninety-day period.  Good news!
     “While we’re waiting for problems, and I sincerely hope you don’t have any, I’m gonna knock 25% of your charges for the next few months, and give you a couple of vouchers for extra DVD’s,” she said happily.
     “Are you serious?” I asked.  It clearly wasn’t the fault of Netflix.
     “Well, I wouldn’t do this for a customer that’d only been with us for three months, but like I said, you’ve been a good customer for five years, and you deserve a little extra something,” she explained.
     “Wow!” I exclaimed.  “I really appreciate that!  Thanks!”
     “You’re very welcome!”

     My complaint wasn’t with Netflix, and I had questions. She understood my questions, answered them, gave me a number of things I could do to assist in rectifying the situation and then went out of her way to give me a few courtesies for being a long-time, loyal customer.
     Now, seriously, how often does that happen when you call up with inquiry?
     And how could I not refer other people to them given that sort of experience?

     Really, customer service has sucked almost everywhere for a while now, due in no small part to the cost savings of setting up middle-of-nowhere call centers with completely untrained staff who don’t know the product or technology and simply aren’t used to dealing with people.  And foreign outsourcing only makes that sort of thing even worse…

     Fortunately, Netflix has US-based call centers filled with polite, friendly and knowledgable staff who are truly interested when there’s a problem.  That’s almost unheard of these days.  (Well, unless you’re dealing with one of my companies — heads will roll over poor Customer Service)   

     As a representative of her company, what Mary Ann portrayed today was a business with a proper, correct and reputable mindset.  It’s no wonder they’re the biggest and brightest, even though there are several more inexpensive alternatives.
     95% of the DotCom start-ups out there (and cellphone carriers, service companies, fast food, etc. etc. etc.) believe in attracting “New Business” all the time.  They utilize Blitzkreig customer service and Viral marketing which ensures that they sell “one” of everything they offer to every person in the world, and move on to the next customer. 
     High customer turnover isn’t good for anyone; the methodology is entirely incorrect in any business, and especially bad for a Service company where solid customer relationships are crucial for maintaining long-term, residual capital.  Regular, established customers are the ones who continue to come back, refer new business, and stick with you through the lean times.  They’re your best marketers, and they deserve to be treated with a little dignity.

     Netflix, very obviously, gets that.  It’s refreshing to see that they instill those values in the Customer Service reps, as well.

     My tires were less than a month old.

     The problem was covered under warranty, despite being maliciously vandalized.  ;-)  So basically, the only thing that I lost was a little sweat in putting the spare on.

     Busy day, too… I’ve done three quick-and-dirty onsites (and had the tire fixed between the last two — took them all of ten minutes), and I’m actually managing to fix these bloody notebooks faster than they’re coming in the door for a change.  Apparently, I’m one of the few people in town who can actually repair notebooks — which is ironic, since I hate them as much as I do.
     But, it gives me a sense of accomplishment to complete things, and properly… and I admit, even a bit of smug sense of satisfaction to have fixed whatever hardware or software problem there was after it’s been sent back to the manufacturer for warranty repair over and over and over and…

     And… Nah, nevermind.  More good stuff I won’t talk about… Maybe later.  *grin*

     Life kicks ass! 

     Let’s get one presumptuous idea outta your head right now.

     Trust me?

     My resume looks less like a resume, and more like the Fortune 500.  I’ve been running a company, in whatever capacity, for 22 years.  I can do your job.  His job.  Her job.  And if I don’t have the capacity for certain knowledge, I can learn it fast.
     I can walk into any company, tell them anything, and I can keep that job until I decide to move on.  Haphazard?  No … Hardcore.  That’s just the way it goes.

     The reason?

     Attention to detail, instead of saying, “Good enough.”  Asking questions, instead of seeing problems as weaknesses.  Re-writing business policies, because they’re not performing a required function.  Tactfully kicking a customer in the ass when they’re not delivering on “their” promises.  Figuring out problems, and fixing them, instead of regurgitating answers.
     I can hire … I can fire … and I always manage to keep things in line.

     I can do that with any work I’m not emotionally invested in.  Ownership, Relationships, just screw things up for me.
     Emotionally invested = My Own Company, My Own Money, My Business.
     But being that way also keeps me from banging every hot Admin Assistant (Secretary, right?  WTF?) that comes along.  Especially that hot, tiny Latina over at … Nevermind.

     But damn well, I can do your job.  And in a couple of months, I can do it better than you’re doing already.

     Know why?

     I work.  I learn.  I look beyond my own expectations.  I build processes, and accomplish beyond corporate goals.  In 40 hours or less.

     But most of all … I accept that other people are learning, too.

     Maybe that sounds arrogant … but I really don’t care.  I can do it.  Been doing it for a long time … And I’ve proven those points more than once everywhere I’ve ever been.

     Relationships … well … There’s always Life 101.

     Inspiration:  I talked to a friend earlier.  Burned out on work, having my life turned upside down by loving someone I probably shouldn’t.  Like a lot of my close friends, he’s in his late 60’s.  And a Minister.

     I just said, “Look, I fucked up.  I’m sorry.  I feel horrible.”
     He said, “Look, we all go through it.  I can’t answer anything for ya.”
     “That’s what I keep telling people…”
     He looked at me, dead in the eyes, and said, “Yeah, that’s why we’ve always been able to hang out.  You get it.”

     Look, here it is, all laid out and simple.

     I’ll probably miss a few subjects … But it’s pretty much the same.

     Abuse:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Anger:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Hate:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Stress:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Empathy:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Oh, I don’t mean to sound cold … but really …  

     Being an empath sucks.  I can put up with a lot of shit, take on other people’s stress, and pretty much ruin myself trying to help ‘em out … but most of all, I can listen.  I can offer a few words here and there, but as a general rule, I don’t bother.

     My difference is, from other people, is that I don’t give advice.  I ask questions. 
     “Is that what you want?”
     “Are you happy with that?”
     “So that’s your decision?”
     “Are you being true to yourself?”
     They’re not hard questions, really.

     But when you’re an empath, and you’re trying — sometimes, trying your damndest — to care, you can only do so much for a person as they’ll let you.  Sometimes, they’re not honest about their problems, telling you one thing, and feeling something totally different.
     Other times … it’s time to either let go, or don’t.  

     The end.

     Thinking about that, in my way, makes me realize …

     Me, I haven’t been very “faithful” to several people who are integral in my life.  I’ve kept a lot of things to my self.  I’ve said, “Hey, I’ll handle it,” when I very obviously needed counsel.  I needed a pep talk, and never asked for one.
     To those people … Those friends … Family … Mentors … and other people who rely on me … 
     I’ve been a shit.  And I sincerely apologize.
     And when I haven’t told you anything … you’re still right here?
     That’s some pretty damn serious devotion.

     Sometimes, I just need certain those around me to know that I’m right here.  I get it, or will, and … *shrug*  Sometimes, I need someone to listen to me, too.

     Once you surround yourself with those people — those people that you care about, and they care about you — everything falls into place.

     You can’t love without trust.

     And vice versa.

     It does take a leap of faith.

     Some people get that … and some people don’t.

     As a small business owner (and having a resume which looks more the like Fortune 500), life can be a little tough.  Ultimately, if you have employees and keep close tabs on things, you’re gonna bear the brunt of every single problem with your company.  And too many times in the last few months, it has absolutely nothing to do with the way things are handled — it has to do with the fact that as we grow, as we start gaining customers from given places in the world (yeah, we do a lot of International work, as well), some people are unforgiving asshats.

     A few years ago, we did a small contract for a foreign company who was attempting to integrate their billing system so that customers could take their bill to any post office in that country and pay their bill.  Unfortunately, the Big Bank didn’t give us any “real” documentation, and none of us had time to fully research it.
     However, we knocked it outta the park.  I personally figured out the funky math involved, and decided it’d be a stupid thing to ever put money into one of their banks.  (Here in the United States, most of us know better than to give out our account numbers and ABN’s anyway…)
     Basically what happened was that we were given an impossible task, screwed with by a Big Bank who didn’t wanna release enough information to actually finish the project, and we ended up getting it done anyway.  To top it off, after reading our Security Audit, it was mentioned by their “process agent” (Lawyer) that if said Big Bank was ever robbed electronically, we’d be the first people to be contacted … Well, us and some Russian-born Frenchman, by name, who’d initially written the code for the job, but they said they’d changed some security protocol stuff (which was rather pathetic) and figured out how the whole bloody system worked…
     End of story, we didn’t get paid for our time.  We were required to keep our mouths shut.  But now, it’s been five years, and I suggest never keeping any money in a foreign bank — too many of them are the same. 

     More recently, I had a client threaten to sue me for being two months late paying his bill.  Oh, and being more than a year late on a bill owed to a partner company.  Somehow, it was my fault that I couldn’t provide service to someone who continued not to pay.
     During a discussion with his “process agent” (Lawyer), I informed him that paying the bill was gonna be far less than the legal fees and court costs to pursue the case, and detailed every bit about why I would win.  Mr. Layer actually agreed, given full evidence.  I further indicated that said customer would end up having to pay the full amount of his bill, at least double that in his own legal fees, and have to pay mine on top of it.  Mr. Lawyer told me that because my case was an open-and-shut, he wouldn’t be pursuing me in court, and would bill his client at two hours of his time at a courtesy.
     I also asked Mr. Lawyer if he would pursue me in court if I blogged about it, and he said, “Feel free, just don’t embarrass anyone.”
     Kudos, Mr. Lawyer.  I’m actually amazed at the professional behavior you displayed today.  Seriously … I meet so few lawyers who are able to listen to logic and reason and come to a conclusion.  Most of them just want to tear someone a new one, regardless of the merits of a case.  So kudos, again, Sir.  You’ve managed to cast your profession in a better light where so few of your consituents can.
     I mean, my lawyer’s an asshole…  *snicker*

     As I was saying, you can, as a business owner, attempt to please everyone.  But sometimes, it’s absolutely impossible.  It takes so much time and energy sometimes to make right a wrong, or make right a perceived wrong that sometimes it’s just not worth it.
     What it comes right down to is, if you’re successful, there’s always gonna be someone standing there to knock you down.  If you’re honest and at least semi-reliable, you’re gonna get screwed at least once … more, if you’re growing.
     No amount of placating, consolation, credit card authorization, contact information or up-close-and-personal-ass-kicking can really “fix” anything if someone doesn’t wanna pay.  You can ruin their credit, have it done to you in return, spend all you want in legal fees, and it’s never gonna help.  You can’t garnish wages in most states…
     You cannot — cannot! — possibly hope to make everyone happy.  You do what you can, you try and fix things, and when they’re not working, you’ve just gotta be duck and pretend they’re water.

     Some customers are selfish.  That’s just a fact of life.  The more you have, the more likely you’re gonna have an “asshole customer.”  It’s a fact, Jack.
     They come to you to make you grovel … to try and think they’re offering you the privilege of taking their money, when in fact, you and your employees are busting your asses to take care of them.

     It is for this reason …

     I am sick to death of being a business owner.  I’ve been doing what I do for 22 years.  I am burnt out.
     I am an excellent Customer Service Representative.  I’m great with concepts, but I just don’t wanna implement any more.  Like most natural-born East Tennesseeans, I have a strong work ethic, and I can do anything.  Seriously, three months, I can figure out any job to a T.  Six months, I’ll have it mastered.  I’m meticulous — even anal at times.  But primarily, I can talk to anyone.

     The first $45K job offer that comes along can have me.  I’d settle for that little to get out from under my job stress, and have the stability.  Although, I know damn well I’m worth helluva lot more … Seriously.
     There’s a contact form … click it if ya’ve got any ideas.

     Every now and again, I have an angry customer.  I try and help ‘em as much as I can.  Sometimes, you just have to say, “I’m sorry you don’t feel we’re meeting your needs.  Next?”

     Some people just wanna stay angry … and there’s nothing you can do or say to fix it.  They can keep taking events and words completely out of context to be angry for, even though you’re trying to fix things.  You can be there, stay with the conversation, do your damndest, and it’s just not enough.  It’s especially crappy when you keep bending over backwards to help said customer…

      Most often, it comes down to one thing … and me, I’m never selfish about that.  If there’s one thing, I’ll do it … I’ll help … I’ll fix it … But I’m not gonna be a bend-over-boy, either.

     It usually comes down to one friggin’ thing … Trust.

     And I’m all about being honest … loyal like a Labrodor Retriever …

     But it’s still not enough … sometimes, people will ask for something, and still keep bitching when you give them exactly what they ask for.

     Damn walk-ins … Why couldn’t they be old souls like the rest of us?

     A little while back, I did a review about the reacTable, a table-top music synthesizer.  People loved it.  So when Microsoft comes up with Microsoft Surface, people are going insane on the Microsoft-bashing bandwagon.

     Check this out …

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VfpVYYQzHs)

     Sorry, cool stuff.

     Still, a lot of people are screaming that, ”Microsoft is inventing a product which there’s no need for!”
     My honest opinion says that that those types of short-sighted Asshats can suck a big one.

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZuGClKRDtc)

     Whether or not some people see a need for it or not is irrelevant.  There certainly are uses for it now.  Think in terms of business and Government, where untold sums of money are spent on Conference Calls, cameras, long distance charges, couriers, paper documents, signatures…
     Imagine the ability to slide a signed digital document across the desk to a guy sitting across the country … or at a manufacturing facility in Singapore … sending a design specification, and getting back photos of a prototype … having a Sales & Marketing meeting, complete with fresh demographic material from a country you’ve never been to …
     Imagine the ability for a President to learn about a culture by reading interacting with their representative … being able to read their material, on the fly … forging a pact … stopping a war … signing an International Peace Accord.

     Coming from the Asshat line of thinking, we had bonfires, so who needed a fireplace?  We had fireplaces, so why have an oven?  The oven was fine, so who needs a microwave?  Seriously, why have a refrigerator when we were perfactly happen asking the ice-man to come into our cellars and fill the icebox?  Why did we need telephones when we could visit?  Why did we need cellphones when we had perfectly good landlines?  Why did we need e-mail when we had a perfectly good postal system?  Why did we need the Internet at all?

     Innovation is great.  It helps fulfill our quest to better ourselves, and when used correctly, allows us to be more productive.

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cog8b8ojji0)

     I have to admit, however, that the little show when they sit my drink on the bar is definitely gonna distract me from watching the carbonation rise to a head in my Guinness…

I am an office manager for an small biomedical company in Oak Ridge, Tennessee.  We are not a million dollar baby.  We are not listed as one of the top companies in the Fortune 500.  We are of no consequence to anyone, really.   That is, anyone but those damn telemarketers, who seem to call more than our customers do.  Until the past two days, the last statement was strictly a sarcastic theory.

I have made it my goal in life to give every telemarketer that calls our office so much shit, that they will beg the powers that be to take our multiple phone numbers off of the automated speedy dialer set up they utilize.

I have found out that the low level asshat that initiates this variety of phone call is generally a mega wuss.  Scary Diva puts fear in them and they automatically put me through to a supervisor.  Which is fine by me, that’s who I’d prefer to bitch at anyway.

The typical call is as follows:

Asshat:  Hello, ma’am.  I am calling today on behalf of BellSouth.

Me: You’re calling on behalf of BellSouth?  Are you BellSouth or some poor schmuck hired by BellSouth to take this ass whipping?

Asshat:  We are contracted by BellSouth to contact existing customers with this exciting..

Me:  Let me guess, an exciting new plan?

Asshat:  Yes, ma’am.   We are…

Me:   Stop right there.  What is the name of your company?

Asshat:  (will name off whatever company of the day is)

Me:  And what is your name, please?

Asshat:  I can not disclose my name.

Me:  You can’t disclose your name?  Where is your supervisor?

Asshat:  I don’t understand, ma’am.

Me:  Your supervisor,  your boss.  Please put them on the phone.

Asshat:  One moment.

Asshat supervisor: I understand there is a problem here?

Me:  You could call it that.   When I get more calls a day from people like you bogging down my phone lines than I do from my customers, that is a major problem for me.

Assshat supervisor:  Let me explain why…

Me:  No!  Let me explain to you.  What is YOUR name.  I have your company name.

Asshat supervisor:  (rambles off a name)

Me:  Okay.  Now, I would like this to be recorded.  Am I being recorded for quality and training purposes, pal?

Asshat supervisor:  Yes, ma’am.

Me:  Then understand this.  I am keeping your name, the name of your company, the time and date that I spoke with you.  I would like you to remove our phone numbers from your database.  I would like to cease communication from your company.  Do you understand?

Asshat supervisor:  Yes.  We will remove you immediately.

Me:  Great.  Because we report companies that do not remove us from their call lists/databases after we request it.  I now have everything I need to report your company to the FCC for furthering communications after being asked to stop.

So, the story goes.  Of course, the FCC doesn’t do shit for a body.  You call, register a complaint, and nothing happens. But, it sure is alot of fun to harass the shit out of someone who’s job it is to harass the shit out of me.

The top of my “I HATE THESE GUYS” list is Bell South, followed ever so closely by Birch Telecom.

I also despise all of these shipping companies who try to out screw each other for the tidbit of business they might be able to get.  Of which, my response is always,  “If I’m gonna get screwed by a freight company, I’m sticking with UPS because our driver is freakin hot.  But thank you for calling and trying to win my business!  If you’d like to send some hot drivers over here for inspection, I might consider giving you my business, but I warn you.  Our UPS guy will be hard to beat.”

Have a great dessert day, pal.