The phrase “Make it happen.”, is one of my well known business mantras.  This doesn’t mean to make it happen all the time.  I cannot function when I work all the time and neither should anyone else.  It is a wonderful practice to also make time for one’s self.  Finding the balance between the two is the key to success.

I was reminded by this while one of my colleagues was celebrating his birthday last Saturday.  While he and I speak about our business ventures to each other quite frequently, we both live our own lives and carry on through seperate lines of work outside of these other ventures.  This night in particular, we were both celebrating.  In the midst of the celebration he brought up some business I have known both of these people for a number of years.  Thankfully, they both took my advice and the celebrating continued.

While there are somethings that I may say to try to do all the time, there is a time and a place for everthing under the sun.

     It’s well known that Swiss Banks are havens for asshats who wanted to hide all their stolen, Nazi gold.

     A few years ago, I broke a bit of code, using a Modulo 17 mathematical matrix, and created a way for Swiss Francs and Euros to be directly deposited into a certain company’s bank account.  Mateo Meier, President and CEO of Artmotion Ltd., never bothered to pay me for that trouble, nor followed any specifications on the web design job project he was given to make up for it.

     He owes me over two thousand USD, and a little more for the pain in the ass of collections.  His design worked sucked, and seemed more like an Office Online Template rather than anything that was done in Photoshop like he said.

     You’re a piece of crap, Mateo Meier.

     May you rot.

     When you say the word “committed,” several different things come to mind.

     Webster’s Dictionary provides the following insight into the word “committed:”

1. gave in trust or charge; consigned.
2. consigned for preservation: committed ideas to writing; to committed a poem to memory.
3. pledged (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; expressed (one’s intention, feeling, etc.): Asked if he was a candidate, he refused to be committed.
4. bound or obligated, as by pledge or assurance; pledged: committed oneself to a promise; committed to a course of action.
5. entrusted, esp. for safekeeping; commended: committed her soul to God.
6. did; performed; perpetrated: committed murder; committed an error.
7. consigned to custody: committed a delinquent to a reformatory.
8. placed in a mental institution or hospital by or as if by legal authority: He was committed on the certificate of two psychiatrists.
9. delivered for treatment, disposal, etc.; relegated: committed a manuscript to the flames.
10. sent into a battle: The commander has committed all his troops to the front lines.
11. Parliamentary Procedure. refered (a bill or the like) to a committee for consideration.
12. pledged or engaged oneself: an athlete who has committed to the highest standards.

     Now look at this picture:

     Which one(s) apply?

     For a few years, my Messenger has been filled with so-called Customers who bother me whenever I get online.  They ask for help, often ask me to login to their servers remotely and fix things, and when it comes time to pay, I get the old, “When I make money, you make money!” thing.

     It ires me to no end.

     A few others have said, “Hey, we’ll pay you $x to do this website for us,” and then used the old, “We haven’t been paid for it yet,” trick.  Months pass, my questions get ignored, and then they have the balls to come and ask me to do more things for them.  And stupidly, I have.

     Still others have said, “We’re hiring you at $x a week, and we expect at least y hours out of you.  Are you game?”
     “Certainly!”
     I get their billing information, they get their login and password to the billing system and go in and enter a credit card like they’re supposed to.  The scam usually works when their credit card won’t bill, and they ask me to switch them to PayPal billing, which I do.  They don’t bother to pay that one, so I send them an invoice through PayPal.  They don’t bother with that one, either, and meanwhile, they change their passwords on their servers.

     It’s really annoying, trying to do business with people whose faces you never see, or people who are too far away to get hold of and rip their arms off when they do something like that.

     Tonight, one of the standard “When I make money, you make money” freeloaders got an eyefull:

Mark says:
Man, ya know, it’s really bugging me lately. I’m a consultant. It’s what I do for a living. And I just can’t just answer and fix servers for free all the time. I’m just not doing that anymore. It costs $xxx an hour, and I’ve given you something like 12 hours or more and you’ve always said, “When I make money, you make money!” Well, ya know, after a hundred times, it becomes bullshit.

Mark says:
Now fuck off.

Captain Asshat says:
hey!  but I’m not getting paid for this job!
have a nice life loser

Mark says:
Yeah, a loser who you keep asking to fix your servers for free.

     Really, knowing that Captain Asshat has never paid me a dime for the work I’ve done — even when he’s said he would — how could he expect anything less?  And, yeah, I have been a loser in the fact that I’ve lost every bit of revenue he’s promised after I’ve stupidly prioritized him above customers who actually do pay their bills.
     So maybe I’m a loser — he’s still a deadbeat.

     And why should I listen to, “That’s poor customer service!” from an asshat who hasn’t even been a customer?  I mean, by definition, customers usually pay. 

     So, Captain Asshat, seriously…  As far as “Customer Service,” my skills are absolutely excellent — ask any of my customers who actually pay per agreement. 

     Now, it’s not that anyone has to pay me to be nice to people.  It’s just that… well… I’m friendly.  I’m extremely helpful.
     As a matter of fact, I’ve been too nice.  Too helpful.  Too willing to let too many people take advantage of me.

     As far as my business goes … That ends now. 

     I’m more assertive when I’m working for someone else, and I’m not when I’m working for myself.   That’s a fact.
     There’s a point where you have to be an asshole, and start weeding out the freeloaders.  That time past a long time ago, and I have a lot of catching up to do.  *evil grin*

     And if you’re not paying me to do any of my “outstanding” work (your words, not mine), you’re gonna get what you pay for as far as “customer service.” 

“Well, I can feel the heat
from across the room
Ain’t it wild what a little flame
can make you wanna do…”
— Rascal Flatts, “I Melt“

     Ok, so I’ve been remiss in doing the Melee for a while… Here goes:

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     Some days, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, you just cannot win. Everybody has those kinds of days, and they suck. Fortunately, there’s tomorrow.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     A lot of businesses these days wanna run themselves by doing absolutely nothing but blowing smoke up peoples’ asses. It starts from the top. They blow smoke up a manager’s ass about what they’re attempting to accomplish. The manager blows smoke up the employee’s ass that they’re doing an outstanding job when they have plenty of evidence that that’s not the case. The employees then blow smoke up the customer’s asses: “we attempted to ____ but…” (but didn’t), “we feel that we can offer you ____” (but can’t), “We’re sorry you’re unhappy, is there anything we can do for you?” (but won’t).
     Even worse is the whole “potential employee” category, where Management and Upper Management will blow smoke up the ass of every piece of riff-raff that comes through the door. “Oh, your resume is outstanding!” “Yes, you’re a perfect fit in our organization!” “We’ll get the offer letter out to you by the end of the week!” But it’s all smoke and mirrors.
      Business cannot work this way. This is a bullshit, fuzzy-feeling mentality that does nothing but dash hopes and create a customer base who will quickly become impatient at spending their hard-earned money on pipe dreams while getting absolutely nothing in return.

     The exact opposite of this is the service industry business which focuses purely on “new business” instead of taking some care of their existing clientele. I’ve said it a billion times: “What good is new business if you can’t keep it?” Most “first deals” will not earn a dime. Repetition is where that kind of business earns capital. Customer Service is mandatory to stay in the black.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I miss my Wildcat.

     Painfully so.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     Exactly 52 weeks ago today, Fracas started doing this Monday Melee thing.  Kudos on a year of Monday Melee!

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     Some days, I can write.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     I found out what “home” is.  I wish I could be there all the time…

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

     So, Thursday night at around 9PM, I dropped three movies into the outgoing mail slot where I live.  Friday afternoon, after getting back home from a hard day out, I dropped another into the outgoing mail.
      A couple of hours later, I got notifications from Netflix that four movies had been received.  I was a little confused, because that’s way quicker than usual to get all the way to Duluth, GA…
     “Ok, they must’ve setup a pre-emptive return deal, and scanned the movies at the post office, like Blockbuster tried to do,” I thought. 

     Imagine my surprise when I opened the mail box today and found four movies!

     After ripping the outer label off, I was even more surprised to find that Knoxville now has its own distribution center!

     That’s a really unexpected move, and a nice “Happy New Year” gift.  So, if you’re in the Knoxville area and didn’t sign up because of the time it took to send movies back and forth, that’s a non-issue now.

Netflix - Only $4.99 a month! No Late Fees. Try it for Free!

     “Hey, Mark, I need a small project done by 2PM.  Can you do it?”
     “Sure,” I said assuredly.

     But that was early this morning.

     “Hey, can you help with this other thing?”
     “I have a 2PM deadline on the first one,” I tell them.
     “It’ll only take a minute.”

     Wrong.

     Back on track, an hour later.

     “Hey, Mark?  I need you to hold up while we send you some more specifications.”
     “Okay, but… we’re running out of time here.”
     “It’s nothing major.”

     An hour later, I get the new information and have to sart over.

     “Hey, Mark, can you do something else for us?”
     “Look, I spent two and a half hours off, and I’m running out of time here.  You need your first project at 2PM, right?” I ask.
     “Yeah, but this is more important right now.”
     “Okay…”

     Another hour later, I’m back on track.

     “Hey, Mark.  This other guy over here needs some software installed.”
     “I can’t,” I told him.
     “Why not?”
     “I don’t have time, since you need this done by 2PM,” I explained.  “But I can do it after that.”
     “Yeah, we have to have that.  But if you can’t do this for us, then we better find someone else to do all of it.”
     “Well, you could, but I’ve already done this, that, the other, and spent an hour and a half on the first thing you asked for.  If you be patient, then I can get you taken care of.”
     “Yeah, ok.  Well, we need that by 2PM.”
     “Great… talk to ya then.”

     Back on track.  It’s 1:15PM.  I have forty-five minutes to finish.

     “Oh, but, Mark, we really need…”
     “Okay, do you need your project by 2PM?”
     “Yes, absolutely!”
     “Okay, I’m trying to finish it, in the next 45 minutes, so if you could just make a list of what all needs to be done and e-mail it to me, I’ll be happy to knock that out promptly at 2:01PM.”
     “Yeah, well, we have to have this, too.”
     “I can’t do both right now.  Both are very involved projects, and I need to finish this one by 2PM.  In 45 minutes, I’ll do whatever else you need.”
     “Well, that’s just not acceptable.  Haven’t you ever heard the customer is always right?”
     “Yes, and if you ask me to complete a task by 2PM, I’m going to, if you’ll allow me to.”
     “Oh, yeah, well, I think we’re just gonna scrap the whole project and find someone els to do all of it.”
     “Well, I could certainly do them, but I think perhaps you guys need to prioritize your needs a little better.  Here it is with forty minutes to spare, and I’ve only been able to work on a five hour project for about two hours.  I can get it going, but I can’t do it and talk on the phone and do all of these other things.  If you can bear with me for forty minutes, I’ll get you all taken care of it.”
     “All of it?”
     “Your project at 2PM, and everything else by 4:30.”
     “That’s not acceptable.  You said by 2PM.”
     “Yes, sir, for the original project.  All of these other things are peripheral, and taking the necessary time away from that project.”
     “That’s not acceptable.  We’re going to find someone else!” he yells as he hangs up.

     I call back.  “Ya know, there is the matter of your bill.”
     “You didn’t have the project finished by 2PM.”
     “No, but you contracted my time to do it, and proceded to use that time to finish several other, smaller projects.”
     “Apparently, our time isn’t important, Mark!”
     “Excuse me?” I monotoned in disbelief.

     I do the impossible.  I do a good job.  And above all, I treat my customers with respect and proceed to my duties in a professional manner.

     “So you’re not going to pay me?” I ask.
     “Why?  You didn’t get the job done.”
     “No, but I got three others done for you in the time where I was supposed to be finishing a project.  I explained repeatedly that I couldn’t get the project completed by 2PM if you continued to come to me with other, less important requests.  You said that these were just as important, and I stopped to complete those tasks, as well.  I am not a time traveller, and apparently, that is what you need.”
     “Yes, we do.  So f$*& you, Mr. Steel!  We’re finding someone else.”
     “F$*& ME?  Apparently, sir, you have a problem with my performance, though I fail to see how that could be, considering all of the assistance I’ve offered you today.  Perhaps you should find someone else.”
     “Don’t f$*&ing cuss me you piece of sh….”
     *click!*

     I will not walk away empty handed, and then sit there to be insulted and screamed.

     A little respect is never too much to ask.

     Funny that it’s now 2:06, and neither their projects nor their additional side tasks are completed.  I wonder how long it’s going to take the next guy?

     [ And if you're said customer --- who pretends to be my employer --- do you realize that I QUIT?! ]

“She can’t remember a time
When she felt needed
If love was red then she was colour-blind
All her friends they’ve been tried for treason
And crimes that were never defined
— Savage Garden, “To the Moon and Back“

     Hey, it’s Monday NIGHT … I was busy!  Cut me some slack.

 1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.

     There’s a nasty little thing that all of us get from time to time when we’re unhappy.  Instead of vocalizing what we’re upset about, we go off on everyone single person around us… And we just can’t accept or apologize for it.
     Some of us get over it… and some people don’t.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.

     I’m leaving my answer from last week, because, seriously, that’s a crock:

“I dug my key into the side
of his pretty little sup’ed up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seat
I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights,
slashed a hole in all 4 tires…”
  — Carrie Underwood, “Before He Cheats“

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

     I’m unhappy with my choice if business banking, Suntrust. 

     Suntrust are a bunch of asshats, and unfortunately, completely nameless because their so-called Customer Service department refuses to reveal anything anything more than how much they value me as a customer.  Of course, after saying that, and knowing they’re recorded, they take absolutely no responsibility for their actions, regardless of the fact that they’re not actually doing anything helpful or proactive when faced with what is an absolute catastrophe on their part.
     If I had one name, I’d make an Asshat of the Day post.  But they just won’t give me one…  Wonder why?

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

     This weekend, I was repeatedly mauled by a Kentucky Wildcat.  Damages include many bruises, bite marks, scratches, sporadic blood loss, various serious abrasions, slightly seperated nose cartilage and swollen extremities.
     And I so look forward to the coming weekend…

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

     Knock me down on the way to the goal, and you only strengthen my resolve.  The further down the hole I get, the harder I’ll dig, because I know damn well I’ll see the other side.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

     There’s a place I wanna be… and I can see it… it’s so close… I’ve been there before, and I’ll get there again… and hopefully, just hopefully… Oh, man, that’ll make our lives so much easier… *grin*

Now it’s your turn.

You can take part in The Monday Melee, even make it a regular feature at your site by visiting The Monday Melee page and following the steps. Kick-start your brain on Mondays and meet other bloggers.

     When I came back into the country five years ago, I was pretty sick of renting movies at Ballbuster (and a few other places) because they were usually staffed by teeny-boppers who were more interested in playing Playstation games behind the counter than actually helping anyone.  I figured if I could “cut out the middle man” and actually get the movies I wanted, it’d make things a lot more simple.
     I took the plunge, signed up with Netflix.com, and couldn’t be happier.

     While living in DC, it was easy.  I could drop my returns in a government maildrop, and the very next day, I’d have a fresh DVD.  After moving back to Knoxville — my hometown — things got a little worse.
     Certain Post Offices in Knoxville just suck.  They lose things, don’t deliver things for weeks, hold onto things, send them back “Addressee Unknown,” and a multitude of other, more destructive, handling errors that make me wonder if they’re not getting their staff from a soup line somewhere… and God knows there are plenty in this burg…

     I’ve had one particular movie out for quite a while.  I finally watched it a few weeks ago, and dropped it in the mail with three others around July 22nd.  Two arrived back at Netflix on the 25th.  One arrived back 26th.  One still hasn’t arrived… Meanwhile, three more DVD’s were shipped out to me on the 25th and 26th, but I still haven’t gotten the bloody things.
     Imagine my surprise earlier today when received e-mail notification that the three they’d shipped to me had been received back at Netflix…

     I called Netflix Customer Service — for the first time in ages — and spoke with a rep named Mary Ann.  She went through the usual steps, verified my address, and found that the DVD’s had actually looped from the Post Office.
     “Typical,” I told her.  “This post office blows… If you look back in my history, you’ll notice every shipping problem I’ve ever reported was from this specific place…”
     “You know what, you’ve been a good customer for a really long time,” she said.  “Nearly five years.  Wow!”
     We talked a bit more about the problems, and found that the new Netflix policy allows them to go after a specific Post Office on behalf of a customer when there are more than three incidents within a ninety-day period.  Good news!
     “While we’re waiting for problems, and I sincerely hope you don’t have any, I’m gonna knock 25% of your charges for the next few months, and give you a couple of vouchers for extra DVD’s,” she said happily.
     “Are you serious?” I asked.  It clearly wasn’t the fault of Netflix.
     “Well, I wouldn’t do this for a customer that’d only been with us for three months, but like I said, you’ve been a good customer for five years, and you deserve a little extra something,” she explained.
     “Wow!” I exclaimed.  “I really appreciate that!  Thanks!”
     “You’re very welcome!”

     My complaint wasn’t with Netflix, and I had questions. She understood my questions, answered them, gave me a number of things I could do to assist in rectifying the situation and then went out of her way to give me a few courtesies for being a long-time, loyal customer.
     Now, seriously, how often does that happen when you call up with inquiry?
     And how could I not refer other people to them given that sort of experience?

     Really, customer service has sucked almost everywhere for a while now, due in no small part to the cost savings of setting up middle-of-nowhere call centers with completely untrained staff who don’t know the product or technology and simply aren’t used to dealing with people.  And foreign outsourcing only makes that sort of thing even worse…

     Fortunately, Netflix has US-based call centers filled with polite, friendly and knowledgable staff who are truly interested when there’s a problem.  That’s almost unheard of these days.  (Well, unless you’re dealing with one of my companies — heads will roll over poor Customer Service)   

     As a representative of her company, what Mary Ann portrayed today was a business with a proper, correct and reputable mindset.  It’s no wonder they’re the biggest and brightest, even though there are several more inexpensive alternatives.
     95% of the DotCom start-ups out there (and cellphone carriers, service companies, fast food, etc. etc. etc.) believe in attracting “New Business” all the time.  They utilize Blitzkreig customer service and Viral marketing which ensures that they sell “one” of everything they offer to every person in the world, and move on to the next customer. 
     High customer turnover isn’t good for anyone; the methodology is entirely incorrect in any business, and especially bad for a Service company where solid customer relationships are crucial for maintaining long-term, residual capital.  Regular, established customers are the ones who continue to come back, refer new business, and stick with you through the lean times.  They’re your best marketers, and they deserve to be treated with a little dignity.

     Netflix, very obviously, gets that.  It’s refreshing to see that they instill those values in the Customer Service reps, as well.

     My tires were less than a month old.

     The problem was covered under warranty, despite being maliciously vandalized.  ;-)  So basically, the only thing that I lost was a little sweat in putting the spare on.

     Busy day, too… I’ve done three quick-and-dirty onsites (and had the tire fixed between the last two — took them all of ten minutes), and I’m actually managing to fix these bloody notebooks faster than they’re coming in the door for a change.  Apparently, I’m one of the few people in town who can actually repair notebooks — which is ironic, since I hate them as much as I do.
     But, it gives me a sense of accomplishment to complete things, and properly… and I admit, even a bit of smug sense of satisfaction to have fixed whatever hardware or software problem there was after it’s been sent back to the manufacturer for warranty repair over and over and over and…

     And… Nah, nevermind.  More good stuff I won’t talk about… Maybe later.  *grin*

     Life kicks ass!