There are a few people who tell me I waste money.  Like, every now and again, I’ll throw down $8 on an apparently useless domain name.  Funny thing is, I’ve gotten some pretty decent traffic out of most of them.  This blog has done very little in the way of pushing Advertising, but still, it has consistenly made eight-to-ten dollars every month.
     Paid for a domain, got a few more readers.

     I watch a lot of people throw $5 into the lotto twice a week.  Most of them have never, and will probably never, win much of anything.  Case in point, a friend of mine won $3 after ten years of $10 a week.  That’s a lot of money to waste.

     To me, throwing $5.25 down on an Ebay listing that’ll probably go nowhere is fun.  It’s certainly more productive than a lotto ticket, and it might actually sell…

     Some people just don’t get it.  One of the best thing to know is that every dollar counts.  The more spend-$8-and-make-$9 things you can do, the more chance you have at coming out $1 ahead each time.
     Sometimes, I’ll do one or two from time to time between job silliness.  Other times, I’ll sit and do it all day.  Though boredom often starts the process, the process is certain anything but boring.
     Those days are fun, because I’m bouncing around doing three or four hundred different things.  So how much do I actually make on what most people consider a “waste of time?”

     It’s fun stuff to think about. 

Notice anything odd about this portrait? This portrait of a singing group? They are not smiling. That’s the way it used to be. Then, for some ungodly reason, we all had to smile when someone pointed a camera at us. “Feign delight!”

I think Walt Disney and his “happiest place on Earth” may have had something to do with it. Maybe it was the hippies. I don’t know.

But I do know it needs to stop. I am sick to death of newscasters who feel a need to be happy and perky telling all the grisly details. I am sickened by everyone in TV commercials living in happy happy land where it’s all non-stop smiley fun world!

Look, chicken! Yeah!

Tooth polish! Whee!

And every damned show is now filled with perky, happy people. You can’t redecorate a house or bake a dinner on TV unless you are insanely gleeful while doing it.

Enough!

I have more than one feeling or emotion and the majority of my life is not happy funland. That’s just where I go to put quarters in machines to take my mind off my real life for a while with the kids.

If I pass you at work and don’t say, “Hi, how are you doing?” it does not mean A) I hate you or B) I am deeply depressed and need help. It means, I am normal.

All this fake smiling is creepy. Like some horror movie. Like those creepy ass clowns. Like John Wayne Gacy.

I fucking hate perky people! The people who inhabit TV commercials and talk shows and any of those DIY instruction type shows are the freaks who need help. They make me sick. I want to trip them and make them fall face first in a mud hole.

That would make me happy.

     Lately, every time I sit down to write, it takes far too long.  And yet, for several days after I hit “Publish,” I still find a number of glaringly obvious mistakes.  There’s rarely a mispelling, mind you, but often a missing word or prepositional phrase, sometimes with disastrous consequences for what might have been a perfectly good paragraph.
     Lysdexia sucsk.

     Everyone makes mistakes, however, I don’t want to use that as an excuse for producing a poor-quality article.  So, seriously, how often do we make these sorts of mistakes when writing with pen and paper?  Certainly, the predominance of the computer has made this a much more difficult excercise.
     I was reminded of an e-mail Swanky sent me a few years ago, full of mistakes from newspaper ads:

• 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.
• Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
• A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.
• Dinner Special — Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
• For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
• Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
• Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
• Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
• Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
• We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
• For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
• For Sale — Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
• Great Dames for sale.
• Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
• Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
• Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
• Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
• If you think you’ve seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.
• Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
• The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.
• Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
• Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
• Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
• Stock up and save. Limit: one.
• We build bodies that last a lifetime.
• For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
• Man, honest. Will take anything.
• Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
• Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
• UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
• Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
• Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
• Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
• 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
• Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
• Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
• Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
• Illiterate? Write today for free help.
• Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
• Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
• Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
• Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
• And now, the Superstore–unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
• We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

     At least I’m in good company.

     Japanese, especially, seem infatuated with American pop-culture and enjoy using English language as a design element due to its flexibility of style.  Put simply, English is readable in hundreds of thousands of differents fonts and styles, where Japanese may be readable in, let’s say, five or ten.

     I’ve always laughed at people who get Asian tattoos.  They have no idea what the symbols that they imprint upon their bodies represent.  They merely know that they’re in “some” Asian language, and are supposed to mean, “Peace,” “Serenity,” “Good Fortune” or something more personal to them.
     Thanks to engrish.com, we can find all sorts of Japanese making the same mistakes…

     I can remember, back in 1970-something, seeing the first video game console — the Magnavox Odyssey — coming to a twelve or twenty-five inch black and white television near you.
     The fugly, black-white-and-woodgrain behemoth came complete with the most klunky controllers you’ve ever attempted to use.  And talk about GRAPHICS — the included set of plastic overlays attached to the television screen (thus the twelve or twenty-five inch requirement) so you could get COLOR!  But God forbid that your mother used one of those overlays as a placemat during one of your younger sibling’s episodes of projectile-spitting of carrot puree — Why, then you’d never be able to find the secret treasure in the Haunted House!
     That’s right — and we had to walk ten miles to school, in four feet of snow!  Uphill — BOTH WAYS!

     It’s truly magnificent to see how much progress had been made over the last thirty-five years.  Now, we’re seeing video games with completely destructible environments.  If you’re not sure what that means, check out this Video of Crytek’s upcoming game, Crysis:

     Although several other manufacturers have now released PC games with similar features, such as Relic’s Company of Heroes or HD Publishing’s Joint Task Force, Crysis looks like plenty of fun.

     Having a reasonably well-spec’d PC, I tend to stay away from video game consoles and the like, but the Xbox 360 has really pushed the technology envelope — especially if you have a Windows Media Center Edition PC in your home (or even a Windows Vista with Media capability).  In that case, the Xbox 360 not only serves as one of the most advanced video game consoles you can buy, but also acts as a DVD/CD/MP3 Player, DVR and a Media Player for all the music and photos you’ve downloaded onto your PC — maybe even wirelessly if you’re set up for that.  It’s less a video game console, and a more a Digital Convergence appliance, giving you a pretty full range of functionality to complement your home theater.
     The downside is that it’s damned expensive.  Even the old Magnavox Odyssey only retailed for $100, while the Xbox can run you four times that easily.   (Ok, truthfully, that $100 in 1972 was as hard to come by as $2500 these days, but still…)

     Of course, you still have Sony out there trying to beat out the Xbox 360 with their Playstation 3, but seeing as how they’ve had an additional year to release the unit, it won’t be much wonder if they did manage to cram some extra functionality it.  I suppose when it’s released in the second half of November 2006, we’ll know whether or not all the hype was for real.

     And, then, of course, Nintendo is still at it, skipping all the cutting-edge technology and just making a Video Game console that is simply that.  The Nintendo Wii (pronounced “we”) has focused on keeping games “fun” and “playable,” something that seems to be a bit lacking with their more expensive counterparts who’ve focused on cutting edge confusion and overly complex gameplay.
     And their television advertising surely drives that nail home with a sledgehammer:

     Of course, given the choice between Rosie O’Donnel and Paris Hilton, I’d still choose neither…

     The other day, a friend of mine sent me a link to a Pittsburgh-area restaurant called Casa D’ice.  Owner and disestablishmentarianist, Bill Balsamico, has started using some “colorful” advertising on his road-side sign, advertising specials and making what Media would call “unpopular” political statements.
     Brilliant stuff, really.  Even if makes people angry, even if they consider him a racist, people will still come in the door to check it all out.  And they’ll probably end up having dinner and drinks.
     The best had to be:

WANTED
SOMEONE VERY OPENMINDED
TO CHANGE THE SIGN EVERY WEEK
AFTER I DIE
INQUIRE WITHIN

     Hopefully, it won’t be from a gunshot by a disgruntled citizen…

     LR2 posted a link to another site about a restaurant in Scottsdale Arizona.  Well, watch the video…

     Reminded me of a cartoon…

     Philips Consumer Electronics has a bit of a “stodgy” reputation in the United States.  The miniscule number of ads that Philips has done over the years hasn’t made any iota of difference to anyone.  They’ve had a tendency to leave advertising of their consumer products up to retail merchants, who usually announce the products at a substantial discount or clearance.

     This time, it looks like they got it right.  This is a brilliant ad.

     Unfortunately, it comes without Media fanfare.  Without advertising to actually draw people to the site.

     Maybe one day they’ll get it.

     Tonight, I’ve been watching “Van Wilder” on Comedy Central.

     Towards the end of the movie, there was a commercial for the Helio.  “Don’t call us a phone company.”  “Get all your MySpace content right on your device!”
     From their website:

Helio puts you + your friends (not rates and minutes) at the center of our business, because the most important thing a mobile service can do is better connect you to your friends.
 .
 .
 .
We won’t nickel and dime you. Get All-In with our all inclusive membership and get access to MySpace, H.O.T. (Helio On Top), video, speedy 3G, and much, much more.

     Now, that’s all fine and good.  But their ad was *strategically* placed just prior to the Van Wilder scene:

We are now in session.  Mr. Wilder, you were found in violation of Article Section B of Coolidge’s bylaws — soliciting of alcohol to extreme minors…

     Coincidence?

     All you have to do is search Google…

     Looks like a cool device, tho… But Helio should certainly play down the whole MySpace thing.  I mean, who needs that kinda class-action?

     Someone sent me a link to an Ebay auction a few minutes ago….

     It just made me think … Job pissing me off?  I press the “Easy” button.  “That was easy!” it says.
     A moment later, I realize, the job is still pissing me off.  I press the button again.
     “That was easy!”
     Sooner or later, after numerous attempts, the chiding sound of “That was easy” begins to piss me off as much as whatever job I’m doing.  Yet, I press it again.
     “That was easy!” it mocks.
     I destroy the button with a closed fist, only to find that its plastic innards are sharper than expected.  A trail of blood drips quickly down my forearm.

     But there’s good news….

     I just saved a ton of money by switching my Auto Insurance to Geico™.

     Now if I could only find an “ouchless” Band-Aid…