[ The following is angry. If you don't like anger and angst, don't read it. But it's shit like this that's a big part of my problem. ]
When I was three years old, some pretty bad things happened to me. When I told my dear, sweet, innocent mother about those things, she beat the living crap out of me for it, and called me a liar. So, at three years old, she took a wide, thick leather belt and wailed on me with it until my legs were bloody. She did it a million times — wherever and whenever she could. Legs, ass, arms, torso, face … you name it. And it wasn’t just the belt. It was anything she could pick up.
Whenever anyone asked what happened to my legs, she’d always say that I got eaten up by mosquitos, and had scratched myself to death. When they asked about the stripes which went most of the way around my arms (lengths of belt tend to wrap unless doubled, and she never did), she’d tell them that I was tying things around my arms, and to not let me do that. A blow to the head, “Oh, he fell off the swing.” A bloody nose, “Oh, he’s prone to nosebleeds.”
I don’t scratch my bites. Wrapping things around my arms is laughable. I’m only clumsy when drunk. And I’ve only had two nosebleeds in my life outside of the ones she gave me because she had no self control.
Nobody ever bothered to think or even to try and stop it.
In public, she was so coy. So convincing, calm, victimized. There were facades to keep up, you see. She had to appear to be financially secure, while spending every dime they both made. And she never let my father live down the fact that she made more money than him.
And so, I wish him a Belated, yet Happy, Father’s day.
Happy Father’s day to my father, who watched the Devil he married beat me my entire life. Happy Father’s day to the man who, just last year, let her come and trash my house and start breaking computers and beating me with a plastic bethroom shelf. Happy Fathers day to the man who, when I got a restraining order against his wife, he allowed her to have me evicted, thus destroying my credit regardless of the fact that the judgement said I didn’t owe her a dime. Happy Father’s day, to the man who got up in court and perjured himself repeatedly during the restraining order hearing, so much so that the Judge saw right through the inconsistent bullshit of his, his Devil wife and his son. Happy Father’s day, to the man who’s whining to everyone in the world about how it’s tearing him up that he doesn’t hear from his son, and the day that I finally call, all he can do is bitch and call me a liar.
Ultimately, it is you, Father, who allowed that situation to continue.
It was you, Father, who came to my house threatening me to drop the Order of Protection that I needed.
It was you, Father, who made up your story in court.
It was you, Father, who didn’t call me or return any e-mails.
And it was you, Father, who turned on me — yet again.
And it was you, Father, who perpetrated and condoned her lies and condemnation — “See? He’s a liar, just like he was when he was three years old!” — even when you knew better.
You, Father, are why I never had a family.
I never deserved any of that, Father.
And unlike you, Father, I could never do to people that I care about what you both did to me.
So, to the biggest liar of them all, and the perfect role model of a crying, useless husband, Happy Father’s Day!
Are you Happy now, Mr. Good Christian Man?
I certainly hope so.
The opposite Love is not Hate.
It’s Apathy.
Something you’ve always had plenty of.
I have no Father.
