Six years ago today, I was living in a wannabe-First-World country that finally made me realize, “Hey, this place is more f&*$ed up than a Football bat!”  After a couple of lengthy discussions, a bit of screaming, sporadic violence and some careful planning, I decided to come back to the United States after a three year absence.

     To everyone who says, “Oh, the [insert some random country's pathetic, government-provided excuse for a public solution] system is so much better in [insert some random country] than here in the US!” I would only say one thing:

     Move there and find out what it’s really like compared to here, instead of believing some fairy-tale novella written by some asshat academic who’s never stepped foot in the country he adores above his own.
     When it comes right down to it, the hard truth is that we get to enjoy the fruits of our labors, enjoying the best of most everything, whereas other countries export it for the good of their GDP.

     Never forget what happened six years ago today.

     Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it.

     I guess there’s a first time for everything.  Today’s the first time I’ve decided to do the Monday Melee, something Fracas asked me to start doing over a month ago…

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate.
     I truly hate the fact that when you get an Order of Protection against someone, the Courts will do little to address the problem of Retaliatory Litigation. 

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus.
     Have you ever wondered why so many people get off on this 9/11 Truth movement, especially with such an inconsistent, un-scientific, un-factual flagship film like “Loose Change?”  I wish all of those people would go and read Frequently Stupid Theories for a play-by-play rundown of the common conspiracies…

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.
     I’m completely unhappy with the fact that people can’t tell fact from opinion anymore.  “News Talk” is opinion.  Just because someone said something on one of those shows doesn’t make it real, or right.  It gets especially bad when comedians and satirists like Limbaugh, Coulter, Franken and Stewart (or even Lenny Bruce) are used as sources of “fact” instead of being taken with the grains of salt they deliver.  Using comedy as social commentary has twice as much effect when it’s interspersed with a little truth.  Although, none of them are as funny as Carlos Mencia, Maddox or WhoreChurch…

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.
     I have a couple of friends who’ve known me my entire life, people who are like family to me.  They’ve really been here for me a lot the last few weeks, offering a bit of their wisdom and even a bit of spiritual guidance through this mess.  It doesn’t actually help the situation any, but it damn sure makes me feel better to know I’m not totally alone regardless of the outcome.

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.
     I’m a great listener — most of the time.  I try not to interrupt people, give people the benefit of the doubt, make them feel comfortable, and have some pretty incredible conversations with people.  I tend to be the go-to guy not just in my work, but as a friend, as well.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.
     I wish … that I could sleep through the next few days, and be magically transported to another destination and not have to deal with all of this stress that’s going on … that would be so nice!  Barring that, I just hope I get through the next few days without losing my damn mind.

     As for the Monday Melee … I’ll try and do this once a week. 

     Several months ago, I linked to Maddox’s Best Page in the Universe article, “There is no 9/11 Conspiracy You Morons,” which featured a  hilarious slam against Glenn Beck.
     If you’re too lazy to read it, I’ll break it down.  It states that: the fact that the creator of the “Loose Change” conspiracy video is still alive — given the conspiracy theory that our government killed several thousand people on a whim — pretty much proves that there is no conspiracy.  Oh, and that Glenn Beck is an asshole.

     Well, Maddox is at it again with his new Conspiracy Theory spoof, “Unfastened Coins: 2nd Edition, Remix 8, 6th Cut.”

     Those experiments reminded me of some of Spooked’s experiments (which Instapinch turned me onto) comparing rabbit cages and kerosene to the WTC and airplane fuel…

Tip: Les Jones

When 9/11 happened, I immediately began to think of other ways they might attack us. Using a transcoastal flight full of fuel was certainly ingenious. I looked around and the answer was near immediate:

Gas tanker trucks. 9,000 gallons of fuel.

If you went to a major hub like the one south of Knoxville, and put a time delay charge on tankers set for maybe 18 hours later, those trucks would be all over the nation when they went off. Coordinate a few of these and you can imagine if all across America, giant fireballs erupted on city streets and interstate highways. Shutting down the airports for a day was a disaster, imagine what shutting down interstate traffic, or at least fuel delivery would do.

We have spent incalculable amounts of time and money trying to prevent another person from getting on a plane with a shoe bomb, yet, giant gas bombs criss-cross our country continually, without any safeguards other than truckers themselves.

Think about that next time you are on the road next to a tanker truck. Then imagine what the wake of such an attack would mean.

I wish I got paid well to protect America from terrorists…

     Apparently, this nutjob, California Tae Kwon Do-mom would like the Cops to enforce “Your Way, Right Away” at Burger King…

     “Ma’am, we’re not going to go down there and enforce your Western Bacon Cheeseburger … that’s not a criminal issue.”
     Fortunately, her calling 911 and tying up resources is a criminal issue.  Unfortunately, they apparently didn’t bother to arrest her.  That might have taught her kids not to be such spoiled little brats.

     What do you bet she was driving a mini-van?

     In a weird way, it reminded me of an EMS training call from Houston several years ago.  (Language Alert! — but it’s soooooo worth it)

     The original was sped up before considerably before being broadcast on the Art Bell Show (remember him?), so the voices ended up sounding as far from their original southern drawl as possible…
     Several operators who received the training call were unsure whether or not the event was real, which makes it even better.  This is what a good EMS Intructor should do — it weeds out those operators who can’t handle the stress. 

     “I need a bambi-lance!” 

     Preferably long enough to kill a deer…

Tip: Fracas