blogitude.com » Monty

LOLcats breeding freaks from hell

Monty — Sun, 18 May 2008 13:26:43 +0000

I’ll admit that I am subsrcibed to I Can Has Cheezburger and I look forward to new posts throughout the day to take my mind off work. And I have sent them some images of my kittehs in action.

The other day one of the images had some problem, so I went to the site rather than just looking at it through my RSS reader. I noticed that even though it was just posted, it already had 90 comments. As a blogger, I knew how rampant spam was and since this was one of the most popular sites on the web, I figured the bots were all zeroed in. I took a peak because I wanted to see this sad state of affairs.

Um. Whoa. What tha?

No spam. Instead, it was a very long thread by real people all speaking LOLcat talk! Page after page! On every post! In less than 15 minutes from post to my reader getting it, 90 comments by these people!

I have never seen a more sickening display of a waste of time in my life! I was sure I was looking at a convergence of all those crazy cat ladies, coming together in one common obsession.

Good Lord. If “Get a life” ever had meaning, this is it! This was all fun, and now it somehow makes me sick…

Gay is Born

Monty — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 02:52:10 +0000

I have had gay friends all my adult life. I have been comfortable with homosexuality for a long time. A few things lately have made it clear to me that a lot of people have very little understanding of homosexuality. I want to make a few points clear.

People are born gay or straight. Many people grow up hiding their sexuality for various reasons, but the fact that they announce they are gay after they are adults, or even after they have had spouses and children does not change the fact that they were gay when they were born. They don’t get converted or victimized into it. Nor do they choose it. It is a very difficult thing they usually struggle with for years before they admit it. They choose when they call themselves gay, but not when they are gay.

This is extremely difficult for many to deal with because it means God created gay people as gay and yet, we are all told God hates homosexuality. To believe people are born gay is to believe that God is a liar or something. What do you do?

The answer is that we live in a very different time than when the Bible was written. Some things are as true today as they were 4,000 years ago, but many things are not. We don’t take laws set down by God concerning donkeys to literally apply only to donkeys. Things change. In this case, we now know that homosexuality is an inherited trait as much as red hair or black skin. They didn’t know that a couple thousand years ago. Times change. Things change. We have knowledge they didn’t. It doesn’t nullify God’s Law, it amends it. And it gives us the chance to be more righteous and good than the saints and the prophets.

The good news is, homophobic men don’t have to worry any longer that they will turn gay from a hit on the head or perhaps a drunken fling with another gay. You’re straight, get over it.

A lot of very dumb things are perpetrated because of this lack of understanding. Many people are trying to limit knowledge of homosexuality as a means to limit homosexuality itself. They think that if people know about it, it creates it. The truth is, people are gay, and some know what they are and some don’t. When they find out that what they are is gay and there are millions of other gay people, they are relieved and announce what they have always been. To the paranoid outsider they imagine that the knowledge created the homosexuality. That’s as true as finding out that there is something called hiccups and realizing you have them and they are normal. Knowing about hiccups didn’t cause hiccups, it gave it a name and a context.

This is the issue of our time. It is the Jim Crowe era for gay people. They can’t have the legal protections and rights others take for granted. They are ridiculed without consideration. They are mistreated. They are discriminated against. They can work their entire lives with a partner and end up with no rights to share in their life in terms of inheritence, etc. as they would were they straight and married. All these things happen because of the way they were born. Same as skin color. They had no choice and would likely have made a different one if they could. And so they are mistreated because of how God made them.

Be glad you were not born gay in these times. Just as there was a time when simply being born black in this country was going to be a struggle against society, today, being born gay makes you an instant victim.

And much as in those segregation times, the people who have the strongest feelings against gay people, have not been around them. My growing up with black people in my schools and churchs and as my peers and friends made it impossible for me to be a racist as my parents generation was. Having many gay friends lets me see how normal it is and I can’t imagine a reason to treat them as less than equal humans and citizens. But for those who live where no one dares come out of the closet, they are free to continue to imagine that gay people are some monster to be fought. It’s the same way in the all white counties of this country where racism continues to be passed down without being contradicted by the existence of people of color in their lives.

Cholesterol Conspiracy

Monty — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 23:39:39 +0000

A couple of years ago I had a physical and the doctor found that my cholesterol was a bit high (234 I think). So, being the nerd I am, I started reading all I could about this. I read one long article on WebMD and it had an interesting final sentence that said something like “there is no statistical link between high cholesterol and heart attack.” Hmmm.

I got my blood tested again recently and was thinking all would be good. I have been on a low carb diet for months now, lost lots of fat and was thinner and eating much better. Well, my cholesterol was now 269 and all the results were in the “very high” range, except for blood glucose. I have not had any sugar in a long time, so, that should be low. Now the doctor is saying that I may need to get on medication for my cholesterol.

So I did more reading and now I am fairly convinced it is a lot of crap. I read this article which sums up a lot of things. Basically, the cause of heart disease and heart attack and stroke isn’t cholesterol, but stress. The emphasis on cholesterol is perhaps more about selling you a drug you must take every day for the rest of your life.

Study after study shows no link between a low fat diet and lowered risk of heart disease. Study after study shows that lowering cholesterol does not lower the risk of heart disease. But it sells a lot of pills! If cholesterol was bad for you, why does your body make it? New studies are showing serious risks with the extremely low cholestrol levers due to statins. Low cholesterol used to mean under 400.

Stress causes heart disease. That seems simple right? The C Reactive Protien is the better indicator. It also explains the “French Paradox.” This is the fact that although French people eat way more fat and have higher cholesterol, they have a lower incidence of heart disease. The cholesterol obsessed Americans decide this was due to their consumption of red wine. The real truth is that its due to their relaxed lifestyles. Two months of vacation a year. Shorter work weeks. More sick leave and fully insured. Less stress is the answer. The simple and obvious answer.

The other thing that was interesting to discover is that the optimum amount of exercise to strengthen the heart is 8-12 minutes. That’s right 8-12 minutes! Exercising a lot more is stressing your body, which is harmful. But that’s the American way. If 10 minutes is good 3 times a week, 2 hours twice a day is better! Wrong!

I am not going to worry about my high cholesterol. Unfortunately, this myth is so prevalent that my life insurance policy ended up at a much higher rate due to my cholesterol level. I wish I could get a lawyer to sue them over that! Class action!

Smoking Ban Far Worse Than Expected

Monty — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 18:19:25 +0000

I knew that the ban on smoking in restaurants would suck. It would be a pain. I go to dinner very regularly with friends, smoking friends, and it means they either go outside regularly to smoke, or, we sit outside. In a couple of months, that will be even more of a probelm when it’s freezing cold. I propose an amendment to the ban so that restaurants that have a strong bar clientele or a performance area, can become non-smoking and 21 and up after a certain time at night. That way, they keep their business on both sides.

But there are crazy effects to this ban I never saw coming. When we went to dinner the other night, on a weekend night, there was but one person at the bar, and looking around at the tables circling the bar, you would have thought it was a day care! Lots of very small children. It seems that either, the smoking ban has meant the baby laden are going out to dinner now, or, they are not being shunted off to the non-smoking section. It’s just horrible. I now propose a “Kids Section” and a “Non-Kids Section” to make up for it.

This might be good for business. More people eating out. But, if you ever waited tables, you know that a table with kids is a nightmare to serve and they make a huge mess and they usually tip like crap. But will they drink? Will the drinkers want to hang out and unwind? That hurts the profit margin a lot, even if it helps get more people in.

For me, it makes me want to get drunk and rowdy and talk about anal sex really loud so the table of kids next to me is not brought back.

Dogcats Summer of Death 2007

Monty — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 16:37:43 +0000

I have dogcats, too.

Last summer was a real barn burner as the dogcats took out scores of bunnies, mice, birds, and squirrels, along with attacking people, Poodles and a Rottweiler.

They moved to a new house this year and I’m still not sure how things will stack up. The first bunnies appeared in the yard last week. The dogcats must have been pretty excited about it judging by the carnage.

The toll so far in bodies found is:

4 mice/rats
1 bird
1 flying squirel
1 bunny
1 baby bird 7-4-007

A slow start. I’m also unsure of the mouse count as there were parts and I can only guess at the number of actual bodies… Oh, and they attempted to attack a guy on a bicycle.

Stop Checking!

Monty — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 16:24:06 +0000

There are two types of people who write checks at the counter these days:

Construction workers who have gigantic checks often in gigantic books
Old ladies with gigantic purses

I will allow for the former, but the later is making me crazy. This is 2007! Why are you still writing checks? Men don’t write checks because we don’t carry around a piece of luggage to hold the damned things. And we don’t enjoy writing in cursive. I think this may be part of the issue. Women enjoy writing in cursive.

And I think it may be a class of people who have more time than anything. That’s the only explanation for not just the ungodly slow check writing process, but also for the makes-me-want-to-strangle-them act of waiting until they get a total to pull out the billy club of a wallet and start actually putting pen to paper! They live in a world where time is not an issue. A land that time forgot.

I know this rant will have no impact because the Luddites that still write checks are not on the freakin’ internet reading blogs. If they have a computer, it is collecting dust in the other room after they got online and clicked where they should not have and now when they turn it on they immediately get 25 porn pop-ups.

I swear, last time I was behind one of these old ladies I nearly grabbed her checkbook and ripped it to shreds and screamed “use the freakin’ card they sent you slow ass bitch!”

Why is this News?

Monty — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 15:45:46 +0000

That’s the question I heard as I picked up my to go order. I thought it deserved saying again.

People get murdered every day.

Why did this particular event become the headline? Why do I care at all about this particular event hundreds of miles from me and unrelated to anyone I know?

Why is this headline news on all the networks? Does anyone ever ask that at the network? Does anyone ever ask if they are hurting or helping both the victims and their families, and the viewers? Does anything but sensationalism and ratings matter?

I really don’t give a shit about these headline stories. They have absolutely nothing to do with me or anyone I remotely know.

News should matter to the viewers. It should have some relationship to their lives. It should not be a slow drive by a crash on the highway.

That’s sick.

The Cellphone Lestat

Monty — Wed, 30 May 2007 13:49:06 +0000

I got this cool RAZR v3xx recently. I can plug it right into a USB port on my computer. It tells me in the manual that if I get a memory card, I can transfer video, music and pics onto the phone from my computer. So I got a 1 Gig microSD for $20.

I plugged it in and sure enough, I can browse over to the phone. Yippee! I dropped a couple of tunes over there and a few pics and I am rockin. I’m gonna have a unique tune for all my friends and their pictures.

But, the phone says all the pictures are corrupted and the songs hosed.

I tried logical things like searching the Motorola support site. Did their thing. No good. Tried to exactly match images to the size and dpi of the pictures I took with the phone camera. Nope. Jpeg or gif. Nope. Downloaded a number of free software trials. Nope, nope, nope.

You see, you can indeed put files on your RAZR’s memory card from your computer, the manual does not lie. However, if you want to view those pictures or listen to those tunes with your phone, sorry man.

They want you to download your songs and ringtones for a price. They want you to email the pictures or send them some other wireless way they can charge you for. A nice slow draining.

I am begining to see cellphones as the biggest scam ever perpetrated on humanity. From sites that offer ringtone downloads, but first make you put in your number to back-handedly sign you up for a monthly fee to be added to your bill; to phones that start talking to other phones at will to send them songs and, hey, there is a small fee for the transfer, or, you can get the Googly-Moogly Bandwidth package that lets you send lots of crap from your phone each month for just $19.99 monthly! They went ahead and put this into my new contract without telling me. Thanks dude! And don’t forget the carefully placed extra buttons right next to the dial and hang-up buttons that immediately take you to the Internet and start the slow drip, drip, drip of your money… Oops!

I am a pretty smart guy and technically savvy, and this is clearly not a simple work around. The answer is out there, and I will find it. It’ll probably cost me of course. And if you want me to tell you how to get files from your computer to your RAZR, well, that’ll cost you. I want my cut of the action. Unfortunately, my feeding off of you does not make me young forever, but my kewl ass phone does… as long as I feed the beast…

Tit for Tatt

Monty — Wed, 23 May 2007 14:30:53 +0000

This stuff kills me. The guy got a stupid tattoo on a whim, and so, he decides to fix it by getting an even bigger, stupider tattoo on top of it! Yeah, that looks better. I had a girlfriend who got a yin-yang symbol on her hip. She hated it. So she fixed it by getting a dragon tattooed, holding the yin-yang symbol. Hated it.

Eventually these people’s entire bodies will be covered by one enormous tattoo on top of another on top of another…

Hey doofus, this will be on you forever. Think a long time before you do it. For your entire existense, will you want to be seen with a “tribal” arm band? Me, I change outfits daily. I change my hairstyle every so often. I have more than one mood. And what I strongly believed even just a short time ago, I now question. Why the hell would I want anything on my body forever?

And the old tired cliche of getting a dead friend or a child tattoed on you… please. I love my family and friends and if I need a tattoo to show I love my daughter, I have a serious problem. I show my love by, like, actually loving.

A tattooed friend said that it’s addictive. Once you get one, you want more and more. He doesn’t really like most of his tattoos either, like most people I meet. I think it’s more like when you get a new car and it gets that first ding. After that, you really don’t care how many more dings it gets. It’s hosed.

Gnaw Bone

Monty — Tue, 22 May 2007 15:57:08 +0000

On the road this weekend I found another great vacation spot:

Gnaw Bone, Indiana. Near French Lick.

blogitude.com » Monty

LOLcats breeding freaks from hell

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