Scribbled on the backs of receipts and folded up in my wallet, a text message to myself, calling a friend to send me an e-mail with a few cryptic phrases… That’s how it starts.  And when I look at the words later, I get that feeling again, and I write it all down in its entirety.
     That’s how most of my music has started out… But then I get to the spot where I’m not happy with the music, but the words are still there… 
     And it bothers the shit out of me.  Unfinished songs, some ten years old, sitting there in my brain.  I know every note by heart, know exactly what it’s supposed to sound like, and yet… Just can’t get it out.

     Little bits about sex…

cacophonous, we feed our needs
no reason to abstain
like heroin injected
right through these junkie veins

     A bit of anger and hurt…

when i look into your eyes
what do you think i see?
you strip away my armor
then you damn me when i bleed

     Being apart…

you feel it coming (and coming)
and i know damn well you do
no matter how far you go
i can still feel you

     And True Love…

unworthy of your presence
unabated love
what you give me
is what god is made of

     It all fits together, songs in succession, an opera of sorts… and one of these days maybe I’ll have the patience and drive to actually finish it all…

All bits copyright © 1999-2008 Mark Steel

     Over the last year, I’ve made quite a bit of new business working on Laptops, thanks in no small part to Les Jones blogging about it.  It’s easy, really, and most people just can’t be bothered fixing Laptop hardware problems.

     But something’s been really irking me about it.

     The availability of parts is putting a real kink in the works.  Every part I try and order lately is actually out of stock, despite the vendors saying they have upwards of twenty-five.  I’ll make an order, only to be replied, some four to five days later, that they’re out of stock.  Thanks, asshats!

     I had one laptop for a month waiting on a motherboard.  I returned it, busted, last week to Cumberland Gap.
     I’ve had one for two weeks now waiting on a cooling fan that never seems to show up.

     These vendors are really pissing me off …

     And who gets left trying to play clean up?

     Yours truly…

     It’s no big surprise that with the massive proliferation of Cell Phones that SMS Text Messaging has become so popular.  Myself, I set up server alerts to go to my cell phone, and make sure a couple of e-mail boxes get checked so that I don’t miss an important message.
     But a lot of people use it like Instant Messaging.  Sometimes, that can get pretty funny… especially if they have a wrong number.

     The other day, I got the following text message from an unknown number:

Adam.  Can i use your i.pod *peace&love*

     Now, I could have ended it there, but I was in a mood.  I decided to see what happened…

no.  I hate you.

     I couldn’t resist the urge to mess with whoever it was… I was feeling evil… and thus, it continued…

Wtf! *peace&love*

It’S oVEr! Goodbye.

Omg. You are f&#$in retarded.  Whats your deal? *peace&love*

I told you goodbye.  You’re too needy.  I don’t have time for that shit.

Wtf ever *peace&love*

Bitch.

ok. Adam, we are friends. Wtf happened to you. *peace&love*

     I entertained the though of making it worse, but I started to feel bad.

lol ok I confess…. This is not adam.  You have the wrong number.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist playing with your head.   I’m evil like that.

Wow. Lol.  Who is this? *peace&love*

This is Mark from blogitude.com.  I’ll probably write about this, but I promise to leave your number off.

Well what happened was my friend adam, this is his old number *peace&love*

I got that.  Sorry if i upset you.  I just couldn’t resist.
our motto is… If you can’t laugh at yourself, we’ll do it for you.
But I do have a conscience.  I really was playing and didn’t mean to upset you.

You are really weird *peace&love*

yeah i know.  Twisted.  Old.  Sarcastic.  Take care.

     Part of me wonders how far I could have pushed it. But, I decided better of it, given a little episode that happened to me last year.  Good thing I have a conscience.
     Besides, had it not been for that, I wouldn’t've met my Wildcat, either…

     There was a little doubt cast about how much my Wildcat means to me.  It was said that I don’t mean what I say, that it’s all a cover, some sort of cruel joke.  That I’m actually some sort of lying bastard who’s running around cheating on her, because apparently that’s the way I’ve always been.
     I was dumbfounded that anyone could actually think such utter and baseless garbage, much less say it.  And I wanna clear up any misconceptions once and for all.

     I want everyone to know why I write very public, very personal things about my Wildcat.

     It is because…

     I want the entire world to know how beautiful she is.

     I want the entire world to know how much she means to me.

     I want the entire world to know how much I Love her.

     I want the entire world to know how special she is.

     She’s the only person who’s ever been able to heal me.

     She’s loved me exactly as I needed to be loved. 

     She’s shown me more happiness than I’ve ever known.

     Anyone who knows us has no doubts of that.

     Hell is being without her.

     Never having her again is something I won’t even imagine.

     She is my Angel, my Inspiration, my Strength.

     My Muse:

unworthy of your presence
unabated love
what you give me
is what god is made of

     She’s been more a wife to me than the one I was married to.

     The family that we have together is more my family than the one I was born into.

     Anyone who tries to get between will be shut out, because she means more to me than anything else in this world.  All the, “Sometimes love isn’t enough,” “Your happiness should not depend on anyone else,” and other such drivel — all from people who don’t know us, together — will be wasted.
     The fact is, she is my best friend, and there is no one more important in my life than her.  I have, and will, cast anyone else aside in favor of her, and I don’t give a damn how long I’ve known them.

     That’s just the way it is.

Lighthouse Family: Question of Faith

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_YSmSVcv7c)

Lighthouse Family: Happy

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YubwXXYcTvs)

     I would challenge anyone else to love each other as wholly and passionately as we love each other.

     I love her.  She makes me happy.

     And that is all that matters.

     It’s well known that Swiss Banks are havens for asshats who wanted to hide all their stolen, Nazi gold.

     A few years ago, I broke a bit of code, using a Modulo 17 mathematical matrix, and created a way for Swiss Francs and Euros to be directly deposited into a certain company’s bank account.  Mateo Meier, President and CEO of Artmotion Ltd., never bothered to pay me for that trouble, nor followed any specifications on the web design job project he was given to make up for it.

     He owes me over two thousand USD, and a little more for the pain in the ass of collections.  His design worked sucked, and seemed more like an Office Online Template rather than anything that was done in Photoshop like he said.

     You’re a piece of crap, Mateo Meier.

     May you rot.

Nine Inch Nails: The Fragile

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPv3oi-yWO0)

Nine Inch Nails: We’re in this Together

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1Zulx4mjHk)

     One year ago today, this time to the minute, she came and sat down on the bench next to me.  “Are you okay?” she asked.
     “Nervous,” I responded.  I was shaky, worn out from the prior week, and hadn’t slept a wink.
     “Me, too,” she said.  “Let me see your eyes.”
     I looked over my sunglasses.  “Let me see yours.”
     We peered into each others’ souls.

     And that was what began the most terrifying, enlightening and wonderful journey I’ve ever taken.

Rascal Flatts: Here

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saXYgBRas9Y)

     Happy Anniversary, baby.  I love you.

     Several friends have said something similar …

You have to make choices to make YOUR life a happier place
If she wants to join in and bring even more happiness in then great.
But her destructive shit has to stop.
It’s destroying you, my friend.
And that’s all I have to say.

     Problem is … like I told him … I don’t care …

     Some things are worth holding onto.  I met one.  And that’s what I’m gonna do.  Period.  The end.

     And I’d lose friends over this one.  So, fuck ya’ll.

     And if she’d heard that Journey song right after …

     Wow.

     Me: “How can anyone say they love someone and tell that person that they’ll go away if they don’t do exactly what they want?”
     Voice: “That’s not love… it’s control.”
     Me: “How are we supposed to deal with that from other people that we love?”
     Voice: “If they only want to control, the best thing to do is turn your back for a while and give them control of their own lives… if they truly love, they’ll be back.”
     Me: “Kinda like letting children grow up…”
     Voice: “Exactly…”

     If you’re using Pyzor to help you block spam (a lot of people use it alongside SpamAssassin), then you’ve probably run into these nasty “pyzor: check failed: internal error” messages in your maillog since July 21st.
     After digging into on my own a bit, I found two things.  The first was the “InternalError” was being caused by a corrupt “servers” file that contained nothing but “File Not Found” information.  The second was that the “discover” command line was returning:

downloading servers from http://pyzor.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/inform-servers-0-3-x
Traceback (most recent call last):
  File “/usr/bin/pyzor”, line 4, in ?
    pyzor.client.run()
  File “/usr/lib/python2.4/site-packages/pyzor/client.py”, line 991, in run
    ExecCall().run()
  File “/usr/lib/python2.4/site-packages/pyzor/client.py”, line 185, in run
    self.servers  = self.get_servers(servers_fn)
  File “/usr/lib/python2.4/site-packages/pyzor/client.py”, line 410, in get_servers
    servers.read(open(servers_fn))
  File “/usr/lib/python2.4/site-packages/pyzor/client.py”, line 119, in read
    self.append(pyzor.Address.from_str(line))
  File “/usr/lib/python2.4/site-packages/pyzor/__init__.py”, line 458, in from_str
    fields[1] = int(fields[1])
IndexError: list index out of range 

     Obviously, linking to non-existent files, especially in the /cgi-bin/ directory, is a bad thing.

     As a temporary measure, simply disable your “pyzor discover” cron job, and manually add “82.94.255.100:24441″ into your “servers” file (wherever it may be with your configuration).