I’ve talked a couple of times about our local Knoxville culture getting screwed up by a bunch of asshats moving here and trying to rebuild it in their own image … From basic skills of “being intentionally rude and uncaring” to “being a good neighbors.”
     When I say that they don’t know how to be “good neighbors,”  it’s not about the people next door who keep to themselves— it’s about having a sense of community and civic responsibility.  East Tennessee’s had that until recent years.

     In this area, people drive pretty well, whereas in my travels, I’ve often complained about the way people drive.
     Here, they’re slightly aggressive, and mostly polite.  They tend to pay attention, and allow people their space.  They don’t try and run you down when you’re coming on an interstate entrance ramp.  They don’t stop in the middle of the road for no reason.  The light is green, they go.  The light is red, they stop.  They don’t pull out in front of people for no reason.  And they pretty much obey the traffic laws.
     But people who move here?  Yeah, not so much…

     Cathy, over at Domestic Psychology, got on the same train of thought …

This week, I pulled up to the white line behind which you are expected to stop at a red light. I came to a stop and looked closely at the car beside me which crossed all four tires across the line before stopping. When the light turned green, I looked at the beyond the line driver’s plates and saw that they were Indiana plates. I was letting the information slide to the back of my mind as I pulled to another red light and another car did the exact same thing. This time I was far enough back to see that the eager driver had Illinois plates. Twice in 5 minutes on Kingston Pike, a very heavily trafficked street I saw cars doing what I consider against the law and both times they had out of town plates. So, I thought about this the rest of the way to my destination. Number one thought was that I was getting tired of catching every single red light. Number two thought was that maybe other states don’t have lines at intersections like Tennessee does. My third thought was that there must be something wrong with drivers in states that start with the letter “I”. Number four thought, which I seriously considered the longest, was that Tennessee drivers are just more considerate and law abiding drivers.

     Due to my comments about that, which Cathy chose to include on her blog entry … I will now list the “Women Can’t Drive” States:

• Indiana
• Iowa
• Both Dakotas
• Michigan
• Minnesota

     It could be because of the whole “We have farms!  Be a housewife!” thing, and many women are worried about driving after being stigmatized for years.  It could also be because of a lack of Driver’s Education in those states (which is amusing considering that Michigan actually products quite a few automobiles).  It could also be because city-type areas are much further away from each other “up north” than they are in the East Tennessee area, and people don’t know what the Hell to do when they keep seeing red light after red light, entrance ramp after entrance ramp, car after car…

     Strangely, these are also the “Driving Without a License” States…

In the 6th century, Pope Gregory the Great named the seven deadly as follows: Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Vengeance, Envy, and Pride. 

Lust, as defined at Dictionary.com, is an intense sexual desire or appetite, or an uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or craving. 

I’m human.   I am admittedly full of lustful thoughts.  I can’t help it.  God made me a catty creature. If I see somebody totally hot, male or female, I automatically think about how hot they are and become somewhat fervent. 

Adultery? Cheating?  Same thing… all of it, lumped into lust.

I’m not saying I’d go out and have an affair or wicked one-night-stand with any hottie individual that came my way, no, at least not any more.  What I am saying is that due to unsatisfying situations in my past, I have indulged in certain extra-curricular activities and enjoyed them immensely. 

As a human creature, one has desires that might not be quenched without lust coming into play.  Simply spelled out, if you’re not getting what you want and need at home, you’re going to go out and find it. 

People can deny their corrupt human nature all they want.  But it’s there inside all of us.  It just depends on if one has the overwhelming urge to act on it. 

Look at our politicians.  Look at our Holy leaders.  They all claim to be best friends with Jesus, then turn around and condemn one another shaking hands with the devil.  As it turns out they are all just as guilty as the other.  Come on, kids. 

Brother Newt Fast Willie and Monica did the deed.  (Well kind of).  Jimmy Swaggart was banging a prostitute while he condemned Jim Baker, who was having an affair behind his wife’s back.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to embrace my human nature for what it is. 

     Let’s get one presumptuous idea outta your head right now.

     Trust me?

     My resume looks less like a resume, and more like the Fortune 500.  I’ve been running a company, in whatever capacity, for 22 years.  I can do your job.  His job.  Her job.  And if I don’t have the capacity for certain knowledge, I can learn it fast.
     I can walk into any company, tell them anything, and I can keep that job until I decide to move on.  Haphazard?  No … Hardcore.  That’s just the way it goes.

     The reason?

     Attention to detail, instead of saying, “Good enough.”  Asking questions, instead of seeing problems as weaknesses.  Re-writing business policies, because they’re not performing a required function.  Tactfully kicking a customer in the ass when they’re not delivering on “their” promises.  Figuring out problems, and fixing them, instead of regurgitating answers.
     I can hire … I can fire … and I always manage to keep things in line.

     I can do that with any work I’m not emotionally invested in.  Ownership, Relationships, just screw things up for me.
     Emotionally invested = My Own Company, My Own Money, My Business.
     But being that way also keeps me from banging every hot Admin Assistant (Secretary, right?  WTF?) that comes along.  Especially that hot, tiny Latina over at … Nevermind.

     But damn well, I can do your job.  And in a couple of months, I can do it better than you’re doing already.

     Know why?

     I work.  I learn.  I look beyond my own expectations.  I build processes, and accomplish beyond corporate goals.  In 40 hours or less.

     But most of all … I accept that other people are learning, too.

     Maybe that sounds arrogant … but I really don’t care.  I can do it.  Been doing it for a long time … And I’ve proven those points more than once everywhere I’ve ever been.

     Relationships … well … There’s always Life 101.

     Inspiration:  I talked to a friend earlier.  Burned out on work, having my life turned upside down by loving someone I probably shouldn’t.  Like a lot of my close friends, he’s in his late 60’s.  And a Minister.

     I just said, “Look, I fucked up.  I’m sorry.  I feel horrible.”
     He said, “Look, we all go through it.  I can’t answer anything for ya.”
     “That’s what I keep telling people…”
     He looked at me, dead in the eyes, and said, “Yeah, that’s why we’ve always been able to hang out.  You get it.”

     Look, here it is, all laid out and simple.

     I’ll probably miss a few subjects … But it’s pretty much the same.

     Abuse:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Anger:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Hate:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Stress:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Empathy:  Deal with it, or don’t.  Nobody else will.

     Oh, I don’t mean to sound cold … but really …  

     Being an empath sucks.  I can put up with a lot of shit, take on other people’s stress, and pretty much ruin myself trying to help ‘em out … but most of all, I can listen.  I can offer a few words here and there, but as a general rule, I don’t bother.

     My difference is, from other people, is that I don’t give advice.  I ask questions. 
     “Is that what you want?”
     “Are you happy with that?”
     “So that’s your decision?”
     “Are you being true to yourself?”
     They’re not hard questions, really.

     But when you’re an empath, and you’re trying — sometimes, trying your damndest — to care, you can only do so much for a person as they’ll let you.  Sometimes, they’re not honest about their problems, telling you one thing, and feeling something totally different.
     Other times … it’s time to either let go, or don’t.  

     The end.

     Thinking about that, in my way, makes me realize …

     Me, I haven’t been very “faithful” to several people who are integral in my life.  I’ve kept a lot of things to my self.  I’ve said, “Hey, I’ll handle it,” when I very obviously needed counsel.  I needed a pep talk, and never asked for one.
     To those people … Those friends … Family … Mentors … and other people who rely on me … 
     I’ve been a shit.  And I sincerely apologize.
     And when I haven’t told you anything … you’re still right here?
     That’s some pretty damn serious devotion.

     Sometimes, I just need certain those around me to know that I’m right here.  I get it, or will, and … *shrug*  Sometimes, I need someone to listen to me, too.

     Once you surround yourself with those people — those people that you care about, and they care about you — everything falls into place.

     You can’t love without trust.

     And vice versa.

     It does take a leap of faith.

     Some people get that … and some people don’t.

     Pet me!  Pet me!  Stop petting me!

     [ It digs its teeth into my hand ]

     “NO!  Stop it!  Damn cat!”

     Don’t yell at me!

     [ It runs and hides. ]

     “Bloody cat!”

     [ Minutes pass. ]

     Pet me!  Pet me!  Stop petting me!

     [ It smacks at my hand, wraps all four paws around my arm, and cuts nice and deep. ]

     “NO!”

     Don’t yell at me!

     [ It runs and hides. ]

     [ I wash it out, and bandage it as best I can ... jagged little scars. ]

     [ Minutes pass. ]

     Pet me!  Pet me!

     “No.  You bite.  You scratch.  Go away.”

     Pet me!  Pet me!

     “No.  Go away.”

     [ I ignore the cat ]

     Pet me!  Pet me!

     [ It forces itself in my lap.  Everything's good. ]

     [ Minutes pass. ]

     [ It growls and hisses, forewarning of yet another bite or scratch. ]

     “Get off me!”

     [ It won't budge, and continues to growl and hiss. ]

     [ It bites ... ]

     “F$*%ing cat!”

     [ It runs and hides. ]

     [ Minutes pass. ]

     Pet me!  Pet me!

     [ I ignore it, and walk out the door. ]

     [ Its terms only. I wonder why I let it stay? ]

     Seriously, I wanna take this fucking thing and shoot it.

     Voice: “You know what you did?”
     Me: “I quit.”
     Voice: “Why?”
     “I needed to.”
     “Do you?”
     “…”
     “Do you?”
     “Yeah.”
     “Do you?”
     “Fuck off.”
     “No.”

     Fracas said she wouldn’t tag me, because she was afraid I’d kill her.   But since she was so kind as to tag one of the writers here, who’s known for her sarcasm, of course she’d tag me…
     Right now, I’m still thinking, “Fracas did this on purpose!”

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. More Random Than Average
2. Bluepaintred
3. Fracas
4. Diva (blogitude.com)
5. Mark (blogitude.com)

NEXT select five people to tag:

Thpft.  No.  The buck stops here.  heh  Besides, Diva already tagged five from this blog.

THEN answer the following Questions:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

• Flying back and forth to London
• Getting lots of migraines
• Helping a friend, who was going through a nasty separation.
• Running a company
• Assisting with various bits of Federal legislation
• Spending time with a pretty cool nine-year-old — first time I’d really spent any time with kids, and she was great.  But I also realized I’d never be able to handle having one of my own.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

• Waiting on divorce papers to come back signed
• Being overmedicated from trying to get rid of migraines
• Writing music again, but couldn’t play guitar due to medication
• Getting my bearings in my new house
• Reconnecting with family I hadn’t seen in years
• Running a company
• Realizing I’d already done everything I ever wanted to do — and coming up with some new things that I wanted to do
• Reflecting on baggage, and getting rid of it
• Dealing with an Internet Stalker

Five snacks you enjoy:

• Spicy Beef Jerky — or biltong, the South African variety
• Cheesecake — and not that moussy-type shit
• Fireballs — ya know, the cinnamon jaw breakers?
• Chili Cheese Fries, without the bacon — I’m allergic to pork
• Fried Pork Rinds — because I can’t eat them, I crave them

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

• Anarchy in the UK - The Sex Pistols
• Synchronicity II - The Police
• Last Caress - The Misfits
• Mother - Danzig
• High - Lighthouse Family

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

• Buy a house with cash — why bother with mortgage payments?
• Buy another beater car — no sense spending money on them
• Help some friends
• Make some good investments
• Two words — Disney World

Five bad habits:

• Cussing like a sailor
• Drinking like a fish
• Smoking like a freight train
• Spoiling women
• Helping people to my detriment

Five things you like doing:

• Reaching for the “unattainable” — I’ve attained a lot of those things just because I had the balls to try.
• Doing what I say I’ll do — keeping promises
• Making out — and making love
• Spoiling women — emotionally, financially, physically
• Helping people to my detriment — I’d rather get burned than turn away anyone who legitimately asks

Five things you would never wear again:
(Ok, I had pretty sensible clothing sense, so this’ll get esoteric)

• An under-arm carry holster — my arm gets sore
• One of my piercings — don’t ask
• A cast on my hands — they heal up fine without it
• Guilt/Shame/Dishonor from those who share my DNA — they can keep it
  Parachute pants — I think I wore them because everyone else did…

Five favorite toys:

• Romanian AK-47 circa 1968-1972 (milled) — though I don’t have mine anymore, it’s still a favorite
• Great video game/simulation — ArmA: Combat Operations
• My crappy car — since some people have felt it was okay to sabotage said vehicle so many times (screwing with my brakes, mufflers, tires, wheels, gas tank, windows, etc.), I decided a little offroading on July 4th wouldn’t hurt it much worse — good times, good times.  ;-)  Besides, driving still relaxes me.
• My Home Theater system — I put together all of the components so that I could have exactly what I wanted.  Nothing like watching Jurassic Park with bone-shattering bass that makes your heart race every time T Rex takes a step.
• My roommate’s cat — it wants total affection, but is so stand off-ish that it’ll attack you as soon as you get close.  The sadist in me can’t help but lead it around a little … besides, it’s bloody hilarious to watch it run up the wall after a laser pointer, and subsequently realize that it can’t hold onto the wall, freak out, and not land on its feet like usual…

Tagged by fracas…

So…

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. It’s A Blog Eat Blog World
2. More Random Than Average
3. Bluepaintred
4. Fracas
5. Diva (blogitude.com)

NEXT select five people to tag:

(Since I really don’t know anyone at all and nobody really knows me, I guess it doesn’t really matter who I piss off now does it? Let’s play tag, shall we?  *wink*)

1. RealityMe
2. Mark - my pal.  I owe him big.
3. Journey from Grr to There
4. My other blog is a Porche
5. Sugar Queen’s Dream

THEN answer the following Questions:

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Everything I could possibly do to survive a gnarley divorce from a man who had no clue, with 2 young children to support.   

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Graduating from college (yay me!).
Met the man of my dreams (just didn’t realize right then)
Singing karaoke every Wednesday and Friday night at CatScratch Janes.

Five snacks you enjoy:
(yah, I’m a picture of health over here)
Jalapeno Poppers
Onion Rings
Apples
Hawaiian Sweet Onion Kettle Chips by Snyder (GRUB!)
Hot Pepper Beef Jerky

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
I Try – Macy Gray
Dreams – Fleetwood Mac
At Last – Etta James
That’s How I Got To Memphis – Darryl Dodd
Say It Right – Nelly Furtado

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
Find a nice big ass house on the lake with plenty of land
New cars for the whole bunch of hoodlums that I claim as family
College fund for Amanda, Tyler and Natalie (I keep hoping she’ll go back)
Clothes, clothes and shoes to match the clothes
Lipo and boob job

Five bad habits:
Cuss like a sailor
Drink like a fish
Smoke like a freight train
Lay out of the gym to go to the bar
Not being clear enough sometimes

Five things you like doing:
Sleeping in the same bed with my man
Drinking cold beer and laughing at stupid stuff with friends
Singing karaoke (go me!)
Making out
Learning guitar

Five things you would never wear again:
Jelly shoes (those icky plastic things.. eww)
Parchute pants
Goofy short shorts we used to wear to the roller-rink
Leg warmers
Head bands

Five favorite toys:
Karaoke machine
Hot pink guitar that I’m finally learning to play
Shot glass collection
Scrapbook junk
Computer

     Those interested in a little late night mischief should certainly check out New Zealand’s #1 Online Dating Site…

      “I’ll bet in High School, they voted you ‘Most Likely to Die Laughing…’”
      “Yeah, you just didn’t know they meant AT YOU, eh?”

     I’m gonna take Fracas’ queue here … I hate all this damned negativity.  Negativity SUCKS!  ;-)  And besides, it’s just not like me to be this wound up.  Thpft!  Hyper, laughing, twisted, yeah… *snicker*

1. The Misanthtropic: Name something (about humanity) you absolutely hate adore.

The outpouring of love for the daughter of a friend really goes to show ya how supportive people can be.

2. The Meretricious: Expose something or someone that’s phony, fraudulent or bogus true, honest and good.

Acquaintances comes and go, but true friendship is forever.  My friends … they are my family.

3. The Malcontent: Name something you’re unhappy with.

I’m really happy with the way my weekend turned out given a horrible beginning.  Hanging with friends and making new ones is always a good thing.

4. The Meritorious: Give someone credit for something and name it if you can.

Check out this blog post… That’s the true meaning of a “devoted mother.”

5. The Mirror: See something good about yourself and name it.

No matter what happens, I’ll get through it.  I’m a tough little bastard like that.  And when other people need me, I’m right there with ‘em.

6. The Make-Believe: Name something you wish for.

Even when my give-a-damn factor is bottomed out, where circumstances are completely beyond my control, sometimes I wish there was something I could do to help.  Like now … I wish I could wave my hand and go, “All that stuff your going through?  It’s over.  It never happened.  Neat, eh?”  Unfortunately, cancer just isn’t one of those things.

Instead, you do what you can in your own way.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Now it’s your turn.

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