Today’s Asshat comes to us from a magical place where there there was never slavery, no judgmentalism, and is completely devoid of religious and political extremism.

     Yes, of course I’m joking.

     He’s from north-central South Carolina.

     I can only assume this is some ridiculous retort to yesterday’s post where I said, “I’m a lot more than just the sum of my experiences…”  But I wonder why he didn’t leave it in the comments, in that context, instead of giving me such impressive ammunition for an Asshat of the Day post?

     Via the Contact form, this so-called Doctor of Psychology writes:

From: Dr. H.T.B., Psy.D
Date: July 31st 2007, 9:34AM

It is wrong to think that you are more than the sum of your experiences.

It is even worse to combine it under religion.
Your deep faith commits you to slavery of a false ideal.
You are subservient to other masters.
You have righteous indignation.
The worse you feel the more you believe.
Your free will disappears.
It is an arrogant philopshopy of exclusion that breeds hatred.

You are the sum of your experiences and nothing more.
Your are flirting with disaster to think otherwise.

     I’m impressed with your amazing powers of observation, dude!  You must have been wearing your tinfoil hat to have such keen insight into all of the secret messages in the post.  *snicker*
     If you got all of that from a blog post, you’re more f$&*ed up than a football bat.  

     Where did you come up with the idea that I had “deep faith?”  Where did you come up with the idea that people who spiritual or religious are a bunch of exclusionary, hateful bastards?
     While I can agree with this viewpoint in certain cases (i.e. followers of former Asshat Award recipient, Fred Phelps), it’s certainly no reason to condemn every one of them.

     Doc, you apparently think anyone who mentions a Maker is a religious zealot, who’s a slave to false ideals and just out there to screw with people.  People like you, perhaps?  Did you have a bad experience with someone who was deeply religious?

     Seriously, I think you might need to try some of the advice you’re so quick to dole out.  Maybe you should take one of those pills…
     You know…
     The ones with a small risk of sexual side effects, but they are rare?
     Of course, both taking the pill and noticing any sexual side effects would require removing your head from your ass… You’re flirting with disaster to think otherwise.

     It’s a little disturbing that someone who claims to be a Doctor of Psychology doesn’t remember the basic tenets of his practice.  Perhaps some remedial study is in order…
     We are all the sum of our experiences, but it’s the way that we deal with them that defines who we are.  We can succumb to bad experiences and reflect them into our every day lives and be unhappy, or learn from them and move on in order to better ourselves and become well-adjusted.
     Me, I’ll take the latter.

     By 12:30AM Sunday morning, all the de-stressing I’d done since Friday came unraveled due to another round of idiotic things beyond my control.  I was livid, and finally said, “Hey, screw this.  I’m getting the Hell outta here for a while.”

     I drove northeast for several hours until I couldn’t find a cellphone signal.  Then I drove into the mountains in the middle of nowhere … someplace with absolutely no chance of hitting either a Digital or Analog cell signal.
     As angry as I was at certain things that were going on, I figured it would take longer than it did to mellow out.

     I sat.
     I thought.
     I relaxed.
     I communed.
     I slept.

     Eventually, after spending twenty-four hours away from everything — work, people, computers, cellphones, cats, asshats — I woke feeling refreshed and optimistic.
     It was time to depart.

     It was rainy and foggy most of the weekend.  Coming back over a huge mountain in the car, I was having a little trouble not skidding down the hill at times thanks to the deluges of water over the road at intervals.
     About halfway down, I began to pick up speed quickly, hydroplaning downhill at a breakneck pace — no brakes, no steering, no control whatsoever.  The car turned better than a one-eighty, and, terrified, I stared to back to my left only to see a fast-approaching wall of limestone at the bottom of the hard-left switchback.
     Shocked, and unable to do anything to avoid impending doom, I braced myself for what would well have been a massive impact.

     In that instance, every hope of peace & quiet, and the objectivity I’d gained by getting away, was dashed.  Every scintilla of serenity I’d earned myself the previous day was shattered in an instant by yet another unavoidable event that was completely beyond my control.

     In bracing myself, I must have inadvertently turned my wheels back to the right a bit more than I expected.  Suddenly, a wheel stuck, the car one-eightied again, and I found myself going down the hill in the narrow, oncoming lane.  A few flicks left and right, and I had control again!
     I managed to slow my descent, veer left, then right, and narrowly avoid a second problem — going through the guardrail and plummeting hundreds of feet into the valley below.

     It lasted but a few seconds, but seemed like forever.  My heart was racing.  At the bottom of the mountain, I pulled to the side of the road and thanked my Maker for getting me through.
     Yet again, I’d come out unscathed.

     The last couple of months have dashed my persective a bit.

     Sometimes I forget how lucky I really am.

     I’m lucky not only for getting away unscathed, but also for the fact that every time something happens, I come back stronger than before.

     Some people aren’t so fortunate.  But knowing that I’m a lot more than just the sum of my experiences helps tremendously.

I haven’t done an Asshat of the Day Award before but given the situation it seems warranted.

At 7:05AM EDT, a Denial of Service attack started from multiple open proxies from across the globe using a brute force password attack against a previously open service. This has been going on for weeks so it’s not a huge surprise that it eventually succeeded. At 7:21AM EDT, our “fan,” known only as “1 hAppY pUppY,” logged into a shell account and edited some critical files.

[ Edit by Mark : WTF?  Pulled out the IP.  See comments! ]

Our brainiac (and I use this term with utmost facetiousness) came from 67.187.xx.xx (Hostname: c-67-187-xx-xx.hsd1.wa.comcast.net, Aliases: c-67-187-xx-xx.hsd1.tx.comcast.net, c-67-187-xx-xx.hsd1.tn.comcast.net).

Thank you, Random, soon-to-be-ex, Comcast Employee.

To try and pass your skill off as a script (”bl0GituD3 d3fAc3R 1.0b5 bY jT”) while making numerous typos is the mark of a true Genius. And leaving the logs, backup files and history was a brilliant move in that we would expect a hacker to cover his tracks. Leaving the “i” instead of changing it to a “1″ in “bl0Gitud3″ was a truly brilliant, personal touch. You went far to look like a dolt that we might underestimate your “mAd sk1LLz.”

No. I can’t even say that with a straight face.

You’re an Asshat.

Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree are you? You’ve only proven yourself to be a disingenuous coward. A brute-force script shows that you have neither skill nor finesse, and far too much time and personal anger on your hands.

Mark said it best the other day.

Some people need to get lives.They should start by getting off the Internet a few hours a day… The real world can be quite … titillating.

I think it should have read:

“Some people need to get laid.”

     Tonight, I’ve had to put up with no less than forty text messages from a specific number.  Since 7PM.  I’m really getting sick of it, especially after coming back to my phone at 11:30PM and finding 14 new messages.

     “Your [sic] a(n) asshole/cheater/loser/liar”
     “Why dont [sic] you want to talk about things”
     “SLIMEBAG CHEATER GO TO HELL”
     “____ was my friend first until you turned them against me”
     “I HOPE YOU GET AIDS AND DIE”

     Mind you, I’ve had a busy night.  I certainly don’t feel I should have to put up with crap like that.  Eventually, I’m gonna respond… asking them to stop sending me this crap, to leave me the Hell alone.
     Like anyone, you press my buttons long enough, I’m gonna respond.  The more you press, the more pissed off I’m gonna get.

     I nailed back three hard —

     “Stop f*#&ing messaging me.”
     “No … f*#& off.”
     “Enough is enough.  Stop it NOW.”

     I’ve been more than patient.  And I certainly don’t expect to start getting BS responses like:

     “Quit texting me!”
     “Leave me the f&$* alone!”

     Some people need to get lives.

     They should start by getting off the Internet a few hours a day…  The real world can be quite … titillating.

I’d like to say that my day was the product of many an adulterated hallucinogenic street drug.  You know, the kind you get from the rebellious children of hippies burnt out a long time ago.  

Unfortunately a drink called the “Toddy” is responsible.  Cold brewed coffee, the style that takes twelve hours as water slowly drips over the sultry grains of pulverized black gold.  Then, by the grace of God alone, it is poured out of the carafe and served on ice. If you like, there could be room left for cream.  If it were on draft, you’d have to slice it at the end of the pour to take it away from the tap.

It is a buzz like no other.

No side effects to report as of yet.  With the exception of almost clear clairvoyance and purity of thought.  A Zen-like state of premature enlightenment.

The kind of bliss that makes you want to write philosophical rhymes without reason on crumpled pieces of napkins while listening to old school trance music over the P.A.   All the while just sitting in a coffee shop, where you could stare at the walls for hours and be happy.  For the first time in this lifetime, I could be content sitting in an empty room with only my thoughts to entertain me.

Who knows what the night will entail?

What ever it may be, it most definately will be an interesting evening.

     “Hi, I’m Mark.  Can I borrow your breasts for a few hours?  I’ll give ‘em back….”
     *blank look*  “Are you serious?”
     “Unless you wanna let me hold ‘em for a while…”
     *laughter*  “If I could get rid of them for a few hours, I’d be so happy… I’m actually getting tired of carrying them around!”
     “So I can hold ‘em for a while?”  *grin*
     “Ready when you are…” *smile*

     Any questions? 

     Have a good weekend. 

My head feels like Rice Krispies in milk.

Snap, crackle, pop.

And it’s a surprisingly good sign…

     This thing’s been going ’round and ’round, and I read several of these blogs at least a few times a week (if not daily).  So … Let’s get on with it.

-Start Copy-

It’s very simple. When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)

Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.

After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!

Just think– if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!

1. Look, read, and learn. ****
http://www.neonscent.com/
2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. ****
http://www.bushmackel.com/
3. Don’t let money change ya! *****
http://www.therandomforest.info/
4. Always reply to your comments. ***
http://chattiekat.com/
5. Blog about what you know & love. *
http://sugar-queens-dream.blogspot.com/
6. Alt tag your images for added search engine exposure. *
http://fracas.wordpress.com/
7. You can’t please everyone — just write what you feel. *
http://www.blogitude.com/

-End Copy-

Fracas said it best:

I am tagging: Because this meme is helpful and if done, can provide links to those who choose to do it, I’m not pointing the finger at anyone in particular but offering it up to anyone who wants to do it. If you want, also feel free to nab the graphic I’ve created to add a bit of fun. Just remember that if you’re doing the meme, you should make sure you carry over the links to the people on the list. Otherwise, their tiPs aren’t getting a fair shake.

Although… that said… I’m gonna tag one person: Anton.

     Yeah, even though I’ve always enjoyed Star Wars, I’ve always been amazed at how far some people would take their fandom.  And this movie looks bloody hilarious:

(Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBkA3R2Habo)

     “Captain Picard is not gay … he’s BRITISH!”

     [ Mark tries desperately to bite his tongue ... and succeeds  ]

     Maybe it’s just me … but the whole Star Wars vs. Star Trek rivalry is completely laughable …

     Ok, Brahnamin took it, so I decided to give it a go, even though I know as much about Harry Potter as Perry Caravello knows about keeping his junk outta places it doesn’t belong… Hrm…
     But I certainly don’t remember being the dorky kid with glasses…

Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration!

     Although, strangely…  the description kinda fits…  And I am told I have amazing, natural talent with my magic wand…