I needed a new phone and my provider said I could sign a new contract and get a huge savings. I like my Motorola and got one of THOS RAZR PHONS. An MP3 playing device with no headphones. Sure. Makes sense to me. I love music with no bass…

 I am not all up in my phones business. I just require a calendar, alarm clock, phone, you know, the basics. The one bling I gots to havs is mah ringtone. Um, well, it’s the sound of a real Southern Bell Princess rotary from 1978. That’s a sound that will cut through the din of 12 people at Cancun’s drinkin’ $1.99 Margaritas and smoking like Lil Kim never will, beeyatch!

So I went to the iTubernet to find My Precious. Wow. Things have changed in the years since my last phone needed The Tone. The top 10-20 sites that came up on Google don’t sell you ringtones, they are scam sites. They want you to put in your mobile number and they send you a text message. In the small print they tell you that doing so signs you up for a subscription and probably hits you with some one time charge. Yikes!

Apparently selling ringtones is not the way to make money. Scamming idiots into subscriptions is. So, I am here to warn you. Actually, to get you to tell your kids about it. Do not use these damnable sites. Do not enter your mobile number.

My Precious still eludes me. I found the right sound, but the length of the ring and spacing between the rings is all wrong. Defintely not a SB Princess ‘78. If you have a map to My Precious, I’d love to have it. And if you know how to hack my RAZR so I can load it up with free ripped tunez, please show.