Archive for September, 2006

Hospitals Suck

September 29th, 2006 at 10:39 pm by Mark
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     Today would have been my sixth Anniversay.  And just in case I was planning to forget that fact, I ended up at the UT Hospital Emergency Room this morning after waking up sick yesterday morning and being far worse today.  Do you know how many times I had to answer stupid questions about, “It says here you’re married, but, oh, you’re seperated?”  Pretty f#$&ing hard to do when you have larangytis, too.

     Speaking was seriously hurting my throat. 
     First, the admissions nurse took down my info and symptoms.  Next, I spoke to a check-in clerk who took down my info and symptoms again.  Then I spoke to a check-in nurse who took down my info and symptoms again.
     By then, my throat was raw and sore as Hell, and couldn’t speak well any more.

     Not to make it any easier, I had to do it all over again to Dr. Fetzer.  Of course, she wouldn’t listen to me, kept interrupting as I was trying to explain, and generally attempted to bust my balls.  Also, she let me know that I’m too stupid to know a mosquito bite from a pimple too.  Yeah, she was a *real* sweetheart.

     I’m sick to death of idiot doctors who treat patients without insurance like criminals.  And quite honestly, there’s no way in Hell I’m going to pay her bill when I get it, either.  She was rude, didn’t do her job and wrong.

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Oh look, twins!

September 29th, 2006 at 3:03 pm by Monty
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A friend of mine is expecting. Being a parent who was in the delivery room, she had a number of questions and concerns for me to address. One of them was the fear that, as she was told many women do, she might “soil” herself during delivery. I counciled her that she would likely have lots of time to vacate the premises and thus avoid the possibility of this. And, of course, she’d be in such excruciating pain it would not really matter anyway…

But this brought on a thought. I wonder if women ever get attached to this bit of stuff that comes out of them along with the new baby? Maybe they take it home too. Maybe it becomes “one of the twins.” Is this where Mr. Hanky on South Park came from…?

Mr. Hanky

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Your bumper is so 2005…

September 29th, 2006 at 2:54 pm by Monty
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Old rhetoric:

bumper sticker

Time to update to:

 

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The Day Metallica Died

September 28th, 2006 at 11:06 pm by Mark
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     By 1986, I was a huge Metallica fan.  I had all three albums, a bunch of imports and an impressive number of bootlegs that “don’t exist” — outside of someone’s degrading collection of cassette tapes, stuffed, caseless, into a shoebox and long forgotten under a bed or at the bottom of a closet that’s never opened until guests arrive.
     And it was on this day, twenty years ago, that a friend of a friend called me to tell me that Metallica’s legendary bass player, Cliff Burton, had been killed in a bus accident the day before.

     If you’re not familiar with Metallica save their more recent albums like St. Anger, you’d do well to give the old stuff a listen.  To illustrate what sort of influence Cliff Burton was on the band, it’d be a good idea to grab the 1981 compilation album, “Metal Massacre,” which features a terrifyingly poor version of “Hit the Lights” with original bass player, Ron McGovney, and original guitarrist, Lloyd Grant. Grant was replaced early in 1982 by Dave Mustaine (of Megadeth fame). In 1983, however, Dave — who seemed to pay more attention to alcohol and drugs than music — was ousted as Kirk Hammett (from the thrash metal band Exodus) joined the crew . 

     Quiet, classically trained and immensely capable, Cliff brought an edginess and raw nerve to the band.  Influences like Motorhead and the Misfits are very apparent on their first release album, “Kill ‘em All” from 1983.  Being “the major rager on the four string motherf#&$er,” — a quote delivered by Hetfield at an early stage show — Cliff grandstands his bass guitar talents on the track, Anaesthesia (Pulling Teeth).

     Cliff was quick to realize that this was a group who could define the shape of things to come.  As a visionary, he noted that each of the members were talented in their own right: Kirk Hammett was an impressive and established guitarrist and songwriter, Lars Ulrich was an exceptional drummer, and the vocalist of the band, James Hetfield, was a burgeoning poet.
     Under his leadership, Metallica veered slightly off of their Thrash Metal path to release “Ride the Lightning” in 1984.  This marked the beginning of Metallica’s signature accoustic guitar intros (the Segovia-influenced intro to Fight Fire with Fire), and melodic intrumentals (the brilliantly arranged Call of Ktulu, titled owing to Cliff’s love of H.P. Lovecraft).
     Power Metal was born.

     Building on that success and using a similar formula, the 1986 release of “Master of Puppets” catapulted the band into Billboard’s top fifty.  This was no minor achievement, considering Metallica had gone completely without the radio airplay granted other artists in the Billboard list.

     Tragically, Cliff was killed during the Damage, Inc. World Tour (named from of the last track from Puppets album, a track clearly showing Cliff’s bass talents) with Ozzy Osbourne.  While in Sweden for the tour, their bus hit some ice, and he died in the ensuing malady (being thrown from the bus window, crushed, and crushed again during the attempted rescue effort).

     Shortly after, the slot was filled by Jason Newsted of Flotsam & Jetsam.  Although an accomplished bass player, Newsted couldn’t fill the shoes of Cliff.  Unfortunately for him, the band would never let him forget it, either.
     “Garage Days Re-Revisited” was released in 1987, followed by “…And Justice For All” in 1988, and featured some of the last riffs from Cliff.
     While Garage Days — featuring covers of bands like Diamond Head, Misfits and Killing Joke — was a suitable ode to the influences of Cliff Burton through the prior years, Justice fell notably short.  The band released their first Top 40 Single, One, and the rest is the more recent history of an altogether different band.

     Without Cliff in the role of mentor, there was no one to temper the paranoia of James Hetfield, nor the ego of Lars Ulrich.  Instead of the Metallica we all knew and loved, their self-titled album, also known as the Black Album, spawned multiple Top 40 hits.  As the once iconic Metal legends became more mainstream and less distinguishable from other Metal bands, it was unsurprising to see them touring with popular glam rock band, Guns ‘n’ Roses, in the early 1990’s.
     The downward spiral continued through the mid-to-late 90’s with the releases of Load and Reload, which spawned a new wave of marketing the like of which had not been seen since the Kiss campaigns in the 1970’s.  From action figures to zippos, Metallica’s mainstream popularity put them on equal footing with “bubble gum” artists such as New Kids on the Block and Britney Spears.
     With Lars at the helm, the mainstream, sold-out Metallica became a figurehead in the Recording Industry Association’s fight against the then-reveolutionary music sharing application, Napster.  In multiple interviews, Ulrich’s egomaniacal viewpoints — especially his contention that content providers should be legally liable for anything that happens on their network instead of the user who is abusing the service — turned many fans away.  The battle came to a head with Lars standing before a Senate Judiciary Committee in July of 2000, standing up for Intellectual Property and Copyright Laws during the RIAA’s bid to have Congress put more teeth into the Digital Millennium Act (DMCA).  Fortunately, Camp Chaos was there to lambast the RIAA and poke fun at the entire situation.

     Now with their fifth bass player, Robert Trujillo (a great guy, BTW — met him plenty of times), they’ve decided they’re not going to split like they had intended, but will probably release another bad album in the near future.  Of course, this won’t be any fault of Trujillo — the man who’s played Bluegrass, Classical, Funk and Metal with the ease of a concert Bassist — but it’s inevitable, given Metallica’s radical shift into mainstream “teeny-bopper” Metal.

     It’s unfortunate, really.  Cliff Burton was responsible for so much of what was great about the early Metallica.  Besides taking Cliff’s life, the tragic accident also took with it the power and creativity that made Metallica stand out from the crowd.

     Rest in Peace, Cliff Burton (10-Feb-1962 to 27-Sep-1986).

     And R.I.P Metallica (Oct-1981 – 27-Sep-1986).

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Penn & Teller on Conspiracy Theorists

September 24th, 2006 at 7:04 pm by Mark
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     Penn & Teller’s television show, “Bullshit!“, really covers a lot of material with little more than simple logic.  This particular episode, from 9-May-2005, carries with it the same type and amount of raw disbelief and vitriol that I’ve ranted when discussing 9/11 Conpiracy Theorists, right down to the choice of nouns and adjectives.
     People can say foul language, name-calling and violence never solve anything, but in certain situations, they certainly make you feel better.  Besides — why should I show restraint to people who none?  The Golden Rule does apply.
     If you agree, watch it, because it has all of those things.  If you don’t, then … well … don’t watch it.

     Someone told me recently, “Calling them idiots and dumbasses doesn’t do anyone any good!  You catch more flies with honey!”

     I’m sorry, but, why should I have to catch flies here?

     In the immortal words of Penn Gillette, “Are 49.3% of us just f$&*ing crazy?”

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