The Klacster, aka Klacster, klac, klac24 & 37042gentlemen (and maybe even bowhite) is a right royal pain in the ass who inhabits several Internet chat rooms. He changes his name like most people change their underwear, first asking, “WHO IS THIS KLACSTER!” (punctuation errors abound) but later revealing himself by quoting: “I AM THE KLACSTER!”

     He appears to be lacking in most of the social graces bewstowed upon the majority of humans, resulting in an amalgam of control issues and low self-esteem.
     Having been bullied most of his life, he takes great pleasure in attempting to debase and upset others, thus feeding his need for power and helping to raise his self-esteem to a level that enables him to leave the house without urinating on himself.
     Considering these issues, his psychological composite largely resembles that of Jame “Buffalo Bill” Gumb, the notorious serial murderer from The Silence of the Lambs: a large, effeminate male who wrestles with his own sexuality.

Common Behavior

     Unfortunately, The Klacster comes on with all of the subtlety of a masturbating rhinoceros. Instead of saying, “Hello, ladies. Would anyone like to meet?” he alienates himself by using any of the following phrases:

• ANY BITCHES IN CLARKSVILLE WANT TO F@$K? - (Probably not…)
• ANY SKANKS IN CLARKSVILLE? - (I doubt it…)

     It is, therfore, no wonder the poor boy is unable to get laid.

Remedies

     Aside from the usual remedies of reporting him to the chat host, the majority of his behavior can be made impotent by using your “Ignore” button. For some of us, this is too easy, and disallows us from poking fun at him. The longer some of us put up with him, the more ammunition he gives us to report to the Chat Moderators with gems like:

• F@$K YOU ALL! - (And all the pussy says…)
• I F@$KED YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT! - (Yes, he’s really sick…)

Other Famous KLACs

     Not to be confused with this idiot:

• KLAC Radio (570AM), Burbank, CA
• KLA-Tencor Corp.
• Knox Little Athletics Centre, Victoria, Australia
• I can’t read Korean
• I can’t read Hungarian, either

     Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!